DS's behaviour has been just awful since the house move & I'm finding it really hard to cope

[Pinkchampagne]

He seems to have no respect for me at all atm, and he is constantly pushing the boundaries. He isn't like it with his dad, but his behaviour is just awful with me right now & I'm really struggling with him.
I know this is to be expected, but I can't cope with much more. I am not doing a very good job on the lone parent front & I feel as low as a low thing today.

Do you fancy company Wednesday evening? I can pop down for a cuppa between 7 and 9 if thats any good!

your hv can help you with counselling but within play therapy they wont tell you anything that is said unless they feel they need to the children get asked to draw etc how they feel in certain situations it is very good because they can say without upsetting you unfortunatelyy children know you have nothing in your eye and that you have been crying in the bath they not daft...lol

Hi PC.

Hmmm. If I remember rightly, your ex mainly imposed discipline by instilling fear - especially in sensitive Ds1. Do you think that now he has been removed one step away from fear, he is either confused about what now constitutes discipline, or else that now he knows his Dad is at arms length he can 'take advantage' by playing you up? I have no doubt that he also loves his dad, and behaves well with him because he wants to make sure his dad will continue to see him. But he knows it a choice, to soeme extent, for his dad, whereas you are for keeps.

It could well be a mixture of 'celebrating' the end of fear, of nnnow not knowing what will replace fear of his dad as discipline, and playing you up - as well as reacting with upset and anger to changes.

He probably feels sorry for his dad, too. As far as your ds is concerned, you are the most important and wonderful peron on the planet - perhaps he feels sorry for your ex that he has been rejected by the most important person in the world.

But I guess however complex it all is, deciding on a firm and consistent approach to how you want to do discipline will do no harm. Pasta jar, or something.

And, as Dino says, let them let off steam and be creative with messy outdoor stuff when they can.

But mostly, just keep venting on MN - and make sure you save lots of treats for yourself - lovely bath stuff, etc. You really deserve some nice times!

well said!

well i off to bed so take care and come back here if you need to chat about anything nice talking to you all nite x

well said blu x

Blu always talks sense!

Thank you all for your support over this. It is a toughie, but I will take your advice on board & try not to let it all get to me too much. I will also definitely look for that book, dino!
It is hard & I don't always know the best way to handle it all, but I will try my best!

I don't let them see me upset if I can help it, PP, because that really gets to them.

MNLS (why the name change btw?!), I can't do Wednesday, but can do any other night.

Night, PP, and thanks.

sleep well sweetheart x you are doing a bloody good job. fm xxx

Hello PC I have found you. Honestly he will calm down he is just trying it on. My ds has had moments fo absolute horror and goes backwards sometimes.

Hi Floating & glitter.

Well, I started the day in a really positive way. I explained to DS that I was thinking of making him a special chart, which he would rewarded with a tick or a sticker for good behaviour, and if he had lots of ticks/stickers at the end of each week I would reward him with £2. I told him that the more good weeks he had, the more money he would end up with & then he could buy something for himself.
It all seemed good & DS seemed keen.

Then my mum came round to pick up DS2 & I asked DS1 to put his shoes on for school. DS1 ignored me, so I asked again, still he layed on the floor ignoring me. I reminded him of the new chart, but he still wouldn't do as he was asked, so I got a little firmer.
At this point my mum asked him what he would like her to buy him from the town today! I told her that I was having a bit of a hard time & that he was to get treats as a reward of his good behaviour, not his bad. She said "Oh that's kids for you, I'm glad I don't have young children anymore"
She then asked him if he wanted a Spiderman!!
She also said to him "You can come back for tea after school, but you can't stay because mummy doesn't want you to!"
I left for work seething!

He has been a lot better tonight & I will try out the chart idea. It just has less chance of working when he knows he can get treats from nanny regardless of how he behaves for me!

Oh PC I am so sorry your mum is an absolute B*h! . Have a glass of wine.

I've already had a little something to drink, GF!
I was on the verge of tears when I left the house this morning, but I have calmed down a bit now!

Oh bless her!
My DS is a nightmare to get motivated at the best of times, but he was being especially bad this morning. (We had same battle with his jacket after)
I felt like I was getting somewhere first thing this morning, but by the time we left the house I felt I was onto a loser.

As soon as mum came out with the comment about me not wanting him to stay, I said "It is because DS2 really misses you at bedtime"
I don't need her coming out with stuff like that right now!

Mum won't be around tomorrow, she only has DS2 on a Tuesday, so I will make a proper start with DS's chart. I can but try!

Pc hope all is ok today. Thinking of you.

Hi GF.

I started DS's chart this morning & we decided to use smiley faces, which he draws on himself. He did get dressed a lot quicker & put his shoes on with a lot less fuss, so he drew himself two smiley faces.
Fingers crossed that this method may have a positive result!

Got my HV coming round in a minute. I think she wants to check I'm actually in my house!

Just had my final visit from my HV! She is happy now to leave me to it after a whole two years of visits, but said I could contact her anytime if I need to.
She has suggested I maybe look into school counselling for DS1.

wtf?is your mom taking the biscuit or the whole barrel?

though the news about your hv is brill pc! wow i'm really pleased for you XXX

Agree fransmom.

PC family therapy worked with us although ds kicked against it quite often and behaved very badly in some of the sessions. We had it through relate and they were allowed to express their emotions through drawing and writing and role play.

pc how are you today sweetheart? i hope that things are settling down a bit more? xxxxxxxxfm ((((((((((((pc&family)))))))))))))