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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

DS's behaviour has been just awful since the house move & I'm finding it really hard to cope

85 replies

Pinkchampagne · 20/05/2007 17:44

He seems to have no respect for me at all atm, and he is constantly pushing the boundaries. He isn't like it with his dad, but his behaviour is just awful with me right now & I'm really struggling with him.
I know this is to be expected, but I can't cope with much more. I am not doing a very good job on the lone parent front & I feel as low as a low thing today.

OP posts:

matilda57 · 21/05/2007 19:38

btw my ds was also suffering bcs of me and his dad splitting up. It's a tough time for them... for you all! It certainly was for us . But we got through it - eventually. ds couldn't say 'I'm really hurting bcs dad isn't here any more'. Art therapy really helped my dd at the time - he went for a couple of years.

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 21/05/2007 22:06

I know it's all a knock on effect of the whole separation, and I kind of expected it, but nothing prepares you for how hard it's going to be.

Their dad popped in just before they went to bed tonight to see them, (he was working until 7pm) and when he left & the boys went up to bed, I found two little scraps of paper on the stairs, one saying "Look on the steps" and the next one said "I love you daddy, from DS1"
They're obviously missing him so much, and it broke my heart to find the little notes.

OP posts:

matilda57 · 21/05/2007 22:18

No you can't prepare for it if you've never experienced it before - it takes you by surprise. You're all going through it and it's hard..

(HUG)

mynaughtylittlesister · 21/05/2007 22:25

PC it will get easier, my DH goes away alot and my youngest often writes letters to him saying" Daddy dont forget me" or she will give him a photo of her. Dont read too much into DS1 at the mo, children do adjust, have you spoken to your Mother yet about DS1 not staying over at the mo?

dinosaur · 21/05/2007 22:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

pickledpear · 21/05/2007 22:28

i was told that my dd takes her anger out on me as my love is unconditional and i wont leave her she feels safer although it really aimed at her father for walking out on us

Springadora · 21/05/2007 22:34

PinkChampagne - don't know if this helps but we recently moved hosue and my 8 just turned 9 y old is displaing just the sort of behaviour you describe. I think it is a frsutration at the lack of control over things like wehre we live, loss of old friends etc. I also think at this age they are beginning to try and show that they are old enough to be consulted in major decisions.

You have my sympathy - I'm finding my little treasure a real trial at present.

mynaughtylittlesister · 21/05/2007 22:34

I agree about the unconditional love, DS1 knows you will love him no matter! All you can do is be strong and consistant and have a good routine. It may be a good idea to try and get in a routine with ex H when he visits so that the DSs know when to expect him and be prepared for him rather than him just turning up, otherwise they are probably hoping that everytime the doorbell rings it Daddy!

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 21/05/2007 22:37

I will look out for that book, Dino, it sounds like just what I need right now!

DS's behaviour has been far more challanging since the big move, and I don't seem to be doing a great job dealing with it all.
Felt so bad for them after spotting the little notes tonight.

I have spoken to my mum about the sleepovers, MNLS. It's on another thread somewhere!

OP posts:

mynaughtylittlesister · 21/05/2007 22:40

Dont worry too much about the little note, he may write one to you when he sleeps at Dads house!!!!

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 21/05/2007 22:41

He is working funny hours, MNLS, so he is popping round when he can atm, which this week means he is not getting to see them until 7ish.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 21/05/2007 22:44

They know that he isn't around until later though.
DS1 seems to behave worse on days where he doesn't see his dad at all.

OP posts:

mynaughtylittlesister · 21/05/2007 22:44

hope that doesnt mess the boys up too much!

What a pain working shift work!!!

Thats not a dig at H!!!!

matilda57 · 21/05/2007 22:44

I've heard that a million times picklepear but it has never registered as much as when I read your post - it hit the spot - thank you! X

pickledpear · 21/05/2007 22:48

how old are your children?

fransmom · 21/05/2007 22:52

hi pc! >>>>>
pickled pear said it much clearer than i did in my email about mixed feelings being played out on you rather than his father. at some level, he may think that if he doesn't behave for his father then his father may well leave him for good. but ((((((((((((((((for you all))))))))))))))))))

pickledpear · 21/05/2007 22:55

my story long but i make it short as i can my dd's were 4 and 6 when dh left the area totally and went with their half brother 11 and also a lady from our village with her two kids much same as age then we lsot our house that had memories of daddy to a temp house which was lovely but they changed schools and mixed sometimes holidays with old friends but all long they new it was temp i also found i was pregnant and the father of that child did a u-turn so they never trusted any other man except my dad.
we finally got a house of our own a year later and in the same village we started from so they were back at old school old friends just new house new start i gave them their own room and my new ds shared with me they seemed like closure...
but the bad behaviour carried on with oldest it has got to only few outbursts now she is 9 and i am looking at anger management she very bright so could cope with it. Daddy has moved even furthur away they last saw him at xmas and not due again til summer but i called him and now next week he having them.
my eldest i always thought was the least bothered by the split as the younger was always crying or asking for daddy and phoning him now it turns out most damage was done to oldest and she tells me what she thinks i want to know about this woman when they return from his house but she should not really bless her i do love her but she is a handful
gosh thats long sorry

pickledpear · 21/05/2007 22:56

can i sign up to be your mentor and vice versa as we seem to be able to relate well ...lol

fransmom · 21/05/2007 22:57

(((((((((((((pp and family))))))))))))

pickledpear · 21/05/2007 22:57

thanks FM

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 21/05/2007 22:58

My children are 7.5 & 4, PP. I hadn't given a thought to the fact his anger may be aimed at his father for not being around anymore.
It was my decision to end the marriage, and I have always felt so bad for my boys.

FM - I haven't looked at my e mails yet, but thanks.

OP posts:

pickledpear · 21/05/2007 23:00

yes but two unhappy parents living under one roof is not as good as two happy parents seperated the children pick up on the vibes

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 21/05/2007 23:05

Oh I know, PP, and their dad was very OTT with the boys, which was one of the main reasons I took action & ended the marriage, as I didn't want them to be damaged in anyway.
It seems the whole separation process is damaging them in itself, and I hate it, but I am hoping that one day things will be calmer & happier for them.

OP posts:

mynaughtylittlesister · 21/05/2007 23:07

It will get easier PC. Honest, just be firm and consistant. The boys will adjust, it may take a while but sooner or later they will accept the situation.

fransmom · 21/05/2007 23:08

hear here pp.

dd is definitely happier now me and him getting on better

pc no probs babe! pc my dd not as old as your 2ds are but i would imagine that children that at that age, they don't have the verbal skils to express themselves in the way that they would like and so are taking out their feelings on you xXx

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