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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Child maintenance query

73 replies

Sewingb · 31/05/2018 23:01

I'm a newbie here and looking for some advice... my ex husband left me and our two children last year. Personally, I'm convinced he was having an affair but he says he wasn't. Anyway, we've both moved on now and I've met a wonderful man and am really happy. What I'm not happy with is my ex. He currently pays me £1150 per month child maintenance and has given me the four bedroom detached house we lived in together plus a car and is paying off a loan we shared as a married couple. He seems to think he's Mr Wonderful because of this though and he thinks he doesn't need to give me a penny more. Yes he sees the kids 2-3 days a week and buys them nice things and takes them places like some sort of Disney dad but I'm the one who has to look after them the rest of the time. I think he should be giving me extra money for things like kids birthdays, holidays, school trips or their communion but he just says that my maintenance is for that. I think I should be entitled to more from him. What do you all think?

OP posts:

inniu · 01/06/2018 13:58

Was there much equity in the house? How much is your mortgage every month?

lifebegins50 · 01/06/2018 14:53

I think the overall deal must be taken into account.

Life style pre/post marriage isn't a factor, both parties will have a reduced lifestyle as now running 2 homes.

Having had to go through court process recently I am not sure you would have got a better deal.Typically 50:50 on assets including pensions plus cms at calculator amount.
Spousal maintenance maybe for 2 years to enable you to work.

Reality is women who stay home and then divorce are financially disadvantaged.It is the direction that society had moved to.

Tors33 · 01/06/2018 15:04

Hmm I think your annoyed because he won't give you extra money cause he knows you will spend it on yourself

ShapelyBingoWing · 01/06/2018 17:39

What man would walk out on his autistic son?

It sounds like he's very involved with his son OP.

I think you need to have a serious step back and look at your situation. I'm not in the race to the bottom camp. Just because others get less than you doesn't mean you're lucky to get what you do. That said, the sheer amount that you've gotten and still get, combined with having an ex that actually is heavily involved with the children, does make you lucky.

Mrskeats · 01/06/2018 18:28

I think you are trying to punish him for leaving. None of this sounds like an attempt on your part to be fair.

NameChanger22 · 01/06/2018 18:36

Not buying it. Sorry. Nobody gets £1150 a month in maintenance. Most get nothing, quite a lot get £5 a week and the remaining few get a few hundred pounds. Mumsnet is full of bullshitters now.

DavidBowiesNumber1 · 01/06/2018 18:45

I got absolutely zilch from my ex for my son from the day he was born. He'll be 21 soon. Count your blessings OP, you're getting enough. Cut your cloth.....

DavidBowiesNumber1 · 01/06/2018 18:47

Oh, and my ex has also never seen or helped with my son in all that time either

Zampa · 01/06/2018 19:23

£250K per annum with a couple of nights a fortnight contact would produce a monthly contribution of about £1,700, so £1,150 is perfectly feasible @namechanger22.

My DH certainly contributes more than a few hundred pounds for my DSC.

thousandpapercranes · 01/06/2018 19:30

Name Why is it bullshit? If op’s ex is on a 6 figure salary and bonuses that’s quite normal. I know this for a fact because I am getting marginally more for my two children.

And fwiw just because other posters get a grand total of £7 per month shared between 4 children, doesn’t make ops children any less deserving for support from their father. Some children get tens of thousands of support from wealthy NRP, who are you to begrudge that?!

Op. It’s been my experience that posts like yours are usually a race to the bottom. No one is able to relate to receiving 1k per month in child maintenance. That being said, I do think you are a little unrealistic to expect anything above what you’re getting especially when it comes to maintaining your home. Holidays again you should be able to fund those yourself, they’re not a necessity after all. Large one off expenditure, think school trips, car purchase, university costs, he should definitely contribute.

IWantMyHatBack · 02/06/2018 00:19

"Not buying it. Sorry. Nobody gets £1150 a month in maintenance."

Plenty of people get a similar amount. W kids, ex with £80k+ income, etc.

oracle2811 · 02/06/2018 23:42

He walked out on you OP not his DC. You need to be a little more grateful for the life you have and stop being so self entitled. Get a job, earn your own money instead of leeching and trying to make your EH guilt trip into giving you more.

IWantMyHatBack · 02/06/2018 23:48

Mummybear80 · 02/06/2018 23:52

My ex gets £30,000 a year and I get £240 a month for two kids and they are with me Monday to Friday and this was done through the cms calculator...am I doing something wrong?? I thing you are getting a fair amount op ( I'm in Scotland tho incase it's different)

Bumblealong1 · 03/06/2018 00:07

@Japanesejazz
How does he get away with paying so little?!
That is obviously way under CMS.

Japanesejazz · 03/06/2018 00:27

Tax fiddle. CMS only look at tax paid. Majority of his income is in dividends paid via the Bahamas. What they should be looking at is his contact for £750 a day

Japanesejazz · 03/06/2018 00:32

He did pay according to calculator for a couple of months. It was £1400. Then I got a letter from his solicitor saying he wouldn’t be paying anything but I could make a claim via CMS

Starlight2345 · 03/06/2018 09:20

Op. He hasn’t left his ds he left you.

He is prepared to help with uniforms- shoes and bag . He also wants to take autistic Ds shopping for stuff . Shoe shopping is no fun.

You sound hurt/ angry .

You need to plan forward . Can you afford
Mortgage on that house ? If not time to downsize.

You should be able to budget to accommodate uniforms . Can you work extra hours while kids are with dad.

Things will change . It clearly isn’t what you planned. It is challenging looking after a child with Sen but you do need to look at how you are going to move forward .

Manfeex3 · 03/06/2018 09:30

OP I think that is a good amount off money. If he's willing to go and get school bags and shoes.. let him do it. He will be spending time with kid(s) and you can have some alone time to yourself!
Your very lucky to get that much a month. I only get £30 a week.. and that covers what my son needs at mine. If there's a school trip or school uniform or shoes we tend to go half on the money.

Doyoumind · 03/06/2018 09:32

Not entirely convinced by this thread, but if he's having them 3 days a week you're almost at 50:50 care which would normally mean he owes you almost nothing.

If this is real, you're on to a good thing and way more than 99% of the people on here.

Hullabalooo · 03/06/2018 12:59

Wow! I currently get no maintenance whatsoever. You're doing fine.

funinthesun18 · 03/06/2018 15:41

When that maintenance stops you’ll be screwed.

Very true. I can imagine that being the case with many rps who rely heavily on it like it will last forever but to be honest I don't have any sympathy for them. Maintenance is for the children and they don't stay children forever...

Starlight2345 · 03/06/2018 16:11

@funinthesun18.

I am sure I will survive without my ex's £7 a week . It is not the norm that maintenance covers 50% of the cost of raising a child .

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