Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Child maintenance query

73 replies

Sewingb · 31/05/2018 23:01

I'm a newbie here and looking for some advice... my ex husband left me and our two children last year. Personally, I'm convinced he was having an affair but he says he wasn't. Anyway, we've both moved on now and I've met a wonderful man and am really happy. What I'm not happy with is my ex. He currently pays me £1150 per month child maintenance and has given me the four bedroom detached house we lived in together plus a car and is paying off a loan we shared as a married couple. He seems to think he's Mr Wonderful because of this though and he thinks he doesn't need to give me a penny more. Yes he sees the kids 2-3 days a week and buys them nice things and takes them places like some sort of Disney dad but I'm the one who has to look after them the rest of the time. I think he should be giving me extra money for things like kids birthdays, holidays, school trips or their communion but he just says that my maintenance is for that. I think I should be entitled to more from him. What do you all think?

OP posts:

SomethinKindaOoh · 01/06/2018 00:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HerRoyalNotness · 01/06/2018 01:08

You’re not together any more. What you had is irrelevant. He pays plenty for the DC, if you want help for “extras” for them, certainly ask but he’s not obliged. The sooner you finish your degree and get working, the better off you’ll be. Focus on that

Mrskeats · 01/06/2018 02:08

Reported somethin
Why are you making this about your situation?

SomethinKindaOoh · 01/06/2018 02:16

Mrs okay, report away.

Mrskeats · 01/06/2018 02:18

Why are you so aggressive? somethink
This thread was not posted by you and we are entitled to post without being sworn at.
The op asked for opinions and most people seem to think she’s doing pretty well.

NorthernSpirit · 01/06/2018 08:18

You sound very entitled.

You get £1,150 maintenance a month

You were given a 4 bedroom house. If a judge had decided you would likely be given anywhere between 50 - 70% of the equity.

You got a car

He pays a loan for you

But it’s still not enough and you want more.

When couples split up things change and lifestyles have to change. 2 life’s have to be funded.

Do you work? What are you doing to contribute to your ge household? When kids are in Y4 mothers are expected to support themselves. Or do you expect your EH to find you indefinitely?

I hope you are working because when the CM stops at 16 - 19 how will you support yourself?

No, I don’t think you should get anymore. Have some self respect and start contributing.

Donthugmeimscared · 01/06/2018 08:21

I don't even earn that a month and ex pays 200 month for 3 children so I think your very fortunate to get that. The house isn't his anymore so things like the boiler are not his problem. If you need more you will need to work for it.

Thehogfather · 01/06/2018 09:35

I'm the first to agree that the legal minimum of maintanence is an unacceptable joke. However as he's also giving you his share of the house, a car and is paying off your share of a loan, nobody but a money grabber could suggest it's unfair in this situation.

If you're doing a pt degree you can get a pt job till you've graduated, and then get a ft job. With both parents contributing your dc possibly can have the same standard of living.

northern no idea where you get y4 from. It was previously age 7 for lone parents, but that's changed to 5. And for couples on tax credits there was no obligation for both parents to work, it's only those on uc who are expected to seek work. It's never been y4 for anyone. (Assuming you are talking about benefits)

Kee80 · 01/06/2018 09:41

Are you serious! You get a 4 bed detached house, a car plus all that money a month!! And your complaining.

I don't even earn that in a month!!

I get £100 a month for my child and that's it!

YouAreNotImportant · 01/06/2018 09:45

Yes you are taking the piss.

NorthernSpirit · 01/06/2018 09:50

@Thehogfather - typo on my part.

When my OH till his divorce finances to court (the EW refused to get a job, kids were 8 & 11 at the time) EW refused to work and wanted to claim spousal maintenance (they had been split up for 4 years at this point). The EW argued she couldn’t be expected to work as she was used to a lifestyle. The judge told her to get a job and start supporting herself. If kids are 5+ (at the time) you are expected to work to support yourself. That age is now 3.

I inputted the wrong year.

Reality is - the days of men supporting the little woman are over. Women have the same education changes and career opportunities as men (I understand majority is childcare falls to women) but you can get off your backside and earn a living. Who wants to beg a man for money? He’s been more than generous.

Thehogfather · 01/06/2018 10:06

Thanks for explaining northern Although at 3 it's not actual work, just preparing.

I agree on the spousal maintanence. I do believe that if the rp has made sacrifices to their career to raise dc, and therefore facilitated the nrps higher earning that should be taken into account. But to cover the disparity in income, not instead of earning any.

(Unless of course there are complications eg no childcare for dc with sn, when I believe the nrp should either be responsible for half the care so the rp can work, or accept the rp doesn't have the opportunity to work when spousal is fair).

ShapelyBingoWing · 01/06/2018 10:09

You've got to be a GF OP. Because in a thread about maintenance I have absolutely no clue why you'd also tell us that he's paid your debts and gave you the 4 bed house and car in the divorce settlement. Or that he has them about 1/3 of the time and treats them very well when he does.

If you didn't want the burden of keeping a home, you should probably have told him that and had him buy you out instead so you could rent. FWIW, I'd kill to own a 4 bed house.

I'm normally very keen to point out the inadequacies of NRP contributions. But frankly I think you're one of the few RPs getting a bloody good deal out of the situation.

That's not to say that you can't be stressed. But it certainly isn't the fault of your ex not chucking more money your way.

Timeissliplingaway · 01/06/2018 12:20

^this

Original poster

Sewingb · 01/06/2018 12:52

I'm trying to show you that he has plenty of money - that's why I shared the financial deal we have in place.

OP posts:

Wishesdocometrue · 01/06/2018 12:56

It doesn't matter how much money he has, I don't think anyone thinks he should give you more.

Original poster

Sewingb · 01/06/2018 12:58

He said today he will buy school bags at the beginning of the school term and he'd like to take them shopping for school shoes - he just won't give me the money for it. I just think that as he walked out on us he should do everything he can to make it up to us. What man would walk out on his autistic son?

OP posts:

Wishesdocometrue · 01/06/2018 13:01

You don't get to punish him for not wanting to be with you anymore. He doesn't owe you anything. You got a house, car, loan paid off, he buys what his children want and need when he sees them and gives you over a thousand pounds a month.

You are being money grabbing and the fact he left you isn't a justification.

Thebluedog · 01/06/2018 13:08

If he pays you the correct amount according to the csa (or whatever they are called now) then he doesn’t ‘have’ to give you anymore. As for the house and debt, if you’re unhappy then take it to court but you may find yourself worse off.

But you said he’ll happily give the kids what they need. I’m not sure what this issue is. If you need school trip money, or new shoes for them or new school uniforms it sounds like he’d buy them. Surely that’s what is important. Why do you need the extra, do the kids miss out or can you not afford to feed/cloth them? Ask him for specifics if you need money, ie rather than asking for an extra 200 a month for the dc clothes, get him to buy the clothes. That way he’s not paying you, and the dc get what they need

Thehogfather · 01/06/2018 13:15

I agree that whether the legal minimum is a generous amount of money is irrelevant, legal minimum is still unfair to dc. But he isn't just paying legal minimum. And I can fully understand with your attitude why he prefers to pay for the house, car, extras etc rather than give you extra money.

I don't understand how a parent can walk away from a child either. But that isn't what has happened here, he's walked out on a very entitled sounding ex who seemingly doesn't expect to contribute financially at all to her dc.

And at least own it, you mean make it up to you, not the dc

Timeissliplingaway · 01/06/2018 13:28

Wait your EH has offered to pay for the school nags and school shoes but you are still not happy because you would rather he handed you the money for them so you can go and buy them? Come on now don't be ridiculous!

SingleDingle · 01/06/2018 13:41

He left you, not his kids. He clearly wants to remain a big part of their lives. And he is an example of how some people can’t win. I’d be delighted if my ex offered to get involved in the uniform shop. Instead, last year, and for the first time in 9 years of uniform buying, he bunged me an extra £60 on top of the £100 a month he gives me.

HollyGoLoudly · 01/06/2018 13:49

Is this honestly not a reverse? You have £1150 CM, a 4 bed house, a car, benefits, your managing to go to uni part time without working and a loving Dad on the scene who sees the kids multiple times a week and does nice things with them?

You are better off than literally every other single mum I know Literally. In fact, your better off than half the people I know who are still with their partners, myself included

If you are looking for a purely practical answer then no, he doesn't have to give you a single penny above the CMS calculation.

NukaColaGirl · 01/06/2018 13:52

I get £6 a week for my DC. Im also at University studying a difficult course that means I can’t work part time, if I did, I’d fail. ExH also has zero contact with our toddler.

Get a grip.

NorthernSpirit · 01/06/2018 13:55

He divorced you. He supports the kids MORE than adaquately. He has an obligation to support them - not your lavish lifestyle. You don’t need a 4 bedroom house do you, but you probably don’t want to give up the image or lifestyle m. You need to start contributing yourself. When that maintenance stops you’ll be screwed.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread