Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Child maintenance query

73 replies

Sewingb · 31/05/2018 23:01

I'm a newbie here and looking for some advice... my ex husband left me and our two children last year. Personally, I'm convinced he was having an affair but he says he wasn't. Anyway, we've both moved on now and I've met a wonderful man and am really happy. What I'm not happy with is my ex. He currently pays me £1150 per month child maintenance and has given me the four bedroom detached house we lived in together plus a car and is paying off a loan we shared as a married couple. He seems to think he's Mr Wonderful because of this though and he thinks he doesn't need to give me a penny more. Yes he sees the kids 2-3 days a week and buys them nice things and takes them places like some sort of Disney dad but I'm the one who has to look after them the rest of the time. I think he should be giving me extra money for things like kids birthdays, holidays, school trips or their communion but he just says that my maintenance is for that. I think I should be entitled to more from him. What do you all think?

OP posts:

Zampa · 31/05/2018 23:04

Taking this at face value although it does seem like a reverse ...

Is he a very high earner? What figure does the child maintenance calculator produce?

Muddlingalongalone · 31/05/2018 23:11

How much do you think he should be giving you? Are you paying childcare? How much do your children cost?
On paper it seems like loads to me. I get half of that and it doesn't cover half the childcare bill let alone housing/feeding/clothing etc but I do ask him to share "extras" - school trips, extra curricular, birthday parties which he does willingly Well without complaining
Some on here get £5 a week or nothing so It's all relative.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 31/05/2018 23:15

I think you’re doing alright OP.

notapizzaeater · 31/05/2018 23:16

That's a lot of of money -what does the calculator say you would be getting?

SingleDingle · 31/05/2018 23:16

I think this is a reverse too

NC4Now · 31/05/2018 23:18

Reverse, surely?

Otherwise, I think you’re doing ok. What’s the problem?

IWantMyHatBack · 31/05/2018 23:20

Depends what he earns, tbh

fuzzywuzzy · 31/05/2018 23:21

Is your arrangement court ordered or thro CMS?

If it’s been calculated by the above then really he doesn’t have to give you anything else.

How much do you feel he should be giving you?

Original poster

Sewingb · 31/05/2018 23:29

He's paying the correct amount of maintenance according to his salary. I don't know much my kids cost but my one child has autism so hes quite accident prone and can break things easily- although I do receive benefits for him. I'm trying to put myself through university part time so working is difficult. I suppose I just think he earns a big salary and can help me out with extra costs for the kids. He just keeps saying he'll happily give the kids anything they need but won't give me a penny more because I'm a "money grabber".

OP posts:

Original poster

Sewingb · 31/05/2018 23:30

We've signed a financial agreement. It's all been settled legally

OP posts:

Original poster

Sewingb · 31/05/2018 23:32

I'm happy with the maintenance figure I just think it's unreasonable he won't pay for parties or school uniforms etc.

OP posts:

Japanesejazz · 31/05/2018 23:34

My ex earns £175k a year and I get £104.99 a month maintenance. Nothing else. Are you joking with us OP?

CrochetBelle · 31/05/2018 23:35

Get a fucking grip. I get £150 a month for two children. Both have autism.
ExH doesn't see the kids at all. The only thing he left me with was an STD and debt.

atomicnotsoblonde · 31/05/2018 23:36

I get nothing. Two kids. Go get stuffed.

Timeissliplingaway · 31/05/2018 23:44

That is a very tidy sum, and you were left the 4 bed house and the car.
Are you serious?

Japanesejazz · 31/05/2018 23:54

And he is paying the joint debt and has the children 2-3 days a week and she has a wonderful new partner. Has to be a joke

Original poster

Sewingb · 01/06/2018 00:01

I can see your points of view. The thing is, we had a nice lifestyle together when we were married and now I'm a single parent I'm just trying to give my boys the same standard of living. That's all. It's easy for my ex as he still earns lots of money so i dont think it would put a dent in his pocket to fork out for one or two extras. Anyway, thanks

OP posts:

HappyLollipop · 01/06/2018 00:02

You've got to be kidding me? You can't pay for your kids uniform and activities out of the £1150 a month you receive? plus he's has the kids 2-3 times a week you do realise many single mothers get absolutely nothing from their exs in money or time! Your crazy to think that's not good enough, you need to budget better if that's not the case.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/06/2018 00:07

Assuming this is genuine, you’re not trying to give them your previous standard of living, you’re expecting him to. You’re studying part time so if that much child support, a free house, a free car, your new partner’s contributions to your household and the benefits you get for your son aren’t keeping you in enough luxury then you could try working to earn your own money.

SomethinKindaOoh · 01/06/2018 00:15

OP, I think the thing is over £1k a month in maintenance, a 4 bed detached house given over, a car and debt cleared is so much more than many RP are receiving so the pool of people saying he should give more is going to be slim.

FWIW, DD1 is autistic and attends an SEN school. ExP and his family think I'm raking it in in benefits as I had to give up work to care for her before I got fired due to time off. I've lost £1k a month and That was just my earnings.

Original poster

Sewingb · 01/06/2018 00:17

Don't forget - he may have given me the house and car but I now have to pay for the upkeep, mortgage and bills myself. Just last week I had to buy a new boiler which was unexpected. It's all expensive and i wouldn't have to cope with this this if the ex hadn't walked out on us

OP posts:

nandaandm · 01/06/2018 00:28

Unless he's very well off, I think you're doing ok. My Exp gives me £100 per week, no house, childcare costs me £70 per week and I don't get any benefits, I think what I get is fair.

Mrskeats · 01/06/2018 00:36

‘It is easy for my ex’ how so? How can it be easy to earn a lot of money? He must talented/hard working etc to do so
If you want more money then work for that and stop seeing your ex as a cash machine

SomethinKindaOoh · 01/06/2018 00:39

Just speaking as one single parent to another - I get now where you're coming from. No matter what the income from CM and having a disabled child, I think it's been a bit missed in your posts, but it's really scary when you have to think 5, 10, 20 years ahead. I really do wish the best for you

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/06/2018 00:47

Sewingb
The thing is, we had a nice lifestyle together when we were married and now I'm a single parent I'm just trying to give my boys the same standard of living. That's all.

You will have to do that by paying your share. It may seem harsh but he is no longer responsible for you or your choices.

Flip

1 2 3