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Original poster

AIBU to feel judgy about Mums who palm their kids off on to the Dads every weekend?

58 replies

zestyflavour · 18/03/2018 08:38

I'm thinking of one particular person I know who's ex has the kids from Friday night through to Sunday night and also sometimes one night in the week also, I get why people agree every other weekend but seriously every weekend (oh and if they do have the kids because the dads away, then they're quick to palm the kids off on the GP's) Where does she find the time to actually spend quality time with her kids?
He also pays maintenance and has been trying to lesser the amount, but she says that's not fair as she has them more than him, how? The days she has the kids they're actually at school, so I'm guessing between hometime and bedtime that's 3-4 hours a day. I know it's none of my business and I'm being Ms judgey mcjudgey-pants but seriously it makes me feel sorry for the kids.....

OP posts:
GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 18/03/2018 08:40

They are, presumably, also his kids, and he also wants to see them and spend "quality" time with them? Perhaps she's not "palming her kids off" on him but cooperatively co-parenting with him?

grasspigeons · 18/03/2018 08:41

you feel sorry for the children because they have a loving involved father than pays maintenance?

vanessa6734 · 18/03/2018 08:41

YABVU. It isn't palming the children off, they are with their EQUAL parent, their father not a babysitter. Why do you not feel "sorry" for the children the majority of the time that they are not spending with their father?

Are you a lone parent? Would you rather the mum was exhausted parenting alone 24/7?

Getoffthetableplease · 18/03/2018 08:43

I know it's none of my business and I'm being Ms judgey mcjudgey-pants

You said it Grin

PickAChew · 18/03/2018 08:43

He's their father, ffs, not a random stranger.

CryptoFascist · 18/03/2018 08:44

Sure you're not a bit jealous?

VickieCherry · 18/03/2018 08:44

Hang on. The mum is doing all the stressful day-to-day school run and dinners and homework stuff, and the dad gets the relaxed weekend time. And this is somehow her being lazy?!

Wolfiefan · 18/03/2018 08:45

Sorry for the kids because they see both parents?! Confused

Dancingmonkey87 · 18/03/2018 08:45

He wants to reduce his maintenance Biscuit

fleshmarketclose · 18/03/2018 08:46

Surely it's a good thing that these children are parented by both parents. They are lucky to have a father who supports them and is fully involved in their lives and a mother who isn't having to do all the work alone and is exhausted. You have a very skewed idea of what is good for dc.

SoupDragon · 18/03/2018 08:47

So, basically you’re being jealous and bitchy?

Steeley113 · 18/03/2018 08:47

The Dad probably wants to see his kids and weekends are his only chance. Seriously, get a grip.

SoupDragon · 18/03/2018 08:48

Or are you the father’s new partner?

Iwillorderthefood · 18/03/2018 08:48

I know someone whose children go to their father every weekend. She’s devastated as she feels she gets all the school stress and no opportunity to do nice things with them. However her ex commutes and he only has time at the weekends.

DisorderedOrder · 18/03/2018 08:49

You've posted in the wrong place.
AIBU is that way>

TheShapeofYou · 18/03/2018 08:49

I think its weird OP. I know someone who does this, but it's not the Dad (s) who look after the kids it's the Grandparents. I find it odd that the Mum never sees her kids all weekend.

I also know someone whose ex husband has the kids eow + one night in the week, and both sets of grandparents are very hands-on so kids go for regular sleepovers etc. If something happens (like snow or sickness) and she has to have the kids for a weekend night when it's not her turn, it's like the end of the fucking world?! Again, I find it a bit odd because it's not like she doesn't get a break every week?

cliffdiver · 18/03/2018 08:49

What Soupdragon said.

isupposeitsverynice · 18/03/2018 08:49

you could try feeling sorry for her too. i definitely feel sorry for me only getting afternoons and odd weekends with the children i grew in my body, and even then not having the disposable income to do fun stuff with them like their dads do. single mothers - we can't do right for doing wrong

SD1978 · 18/03/2018 08:49

Why shouldn’t dad get more than two days a fortnight???? Mum is dealing with them for 10 days a fortnight, dad has 4 days....... given they are each 50% responsible for the conception of the child, why shouldnt he get to see them?! I’m not a fan of every weekend because I believe that the kids should be able to have a weekend with each parent, and not juts with one parent or the other- but that then would mean dad needing to have time during the week. As a separated parent who has almost 50/50- I think you’re being more than a little judgy

Original poster
zestyflavour · 18/03/2018 08:50

I am a single parent, certainly not jealous. Weekdays are school runs and dinner making, ironing, whatever other chores, so surely you at least want 1-2 weekends a month with your kids to do something nice with them. When I say palming them off, i am thinking of this particular person as she would rather be out on the piss and looking for men 🤨

OP posts:
onefootinthegrave · 18/03/2018 08:58

I know it's none of my business and I'm being Ms judgey mcjudgey-pants

Yes YABVU - it's none of your business what this 'particular person does' - clearly you have a bee in your bonnet about her to write 'she would rather be out on the piss looking for men'

YABU for using 'Ms judgy Mcjudgey pants'. I don't know if you've written that to make the rest of your post less bitchy, if you have it hasn't worked.

childmindingmumof3 · 18/03/2018 09:01

Being parented by a parent isn't being 'palmed off'. What a warped view of normal families you have.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 18/03/2018 09:02

WRT the maintenance on the night in the evening he 'sometimes' has them is he also

  1. paying for all the meals they eat that day
  2. the person who takes time off work that day when the kids are ill
  3. paying for at least half of their uniform and other clothing
  4. paying half of any after school clubs/school trips that the children do
  5. paying for any childcare required on the one night a week he would have them during the school holidays

I'm sure there are more, but if you are getting hung up about who's spending the quality time, chances are the dad spending the quality time isn't the person having the actual responsibility of parenting.

And let's face it he gets to palm his kids off on someone else 5 days a week.

AllStar14 · 18/03/2018 09:03

YABVVVVVVU mind your own business!

Original poster
zestyflavour · 18/03/2018 09:09

He has the once in the week also. I'm all for co-parenting, of course I am,. The kids are coming in to their teens now and you can definitely see they're closer to the Dad, and they are because they've had weekends of fun with him for years and only see Mum 4 days of the week, so why wouldn't they be?
I'm not jealous, why would I be jealous of not seeing my kids 3.5 days a week???

OP posts:
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