Overnight contact

[octobersunshine]

Can anyone advise what is reasonable overnight contact for. 21 month old?

I've been a single parent since we separated when DS was six months old. DS has never spent a night over with ex.

He wants an Saturday 9am until Sunday 4pm each week.

I am more inclined to say every other week whilst DS is still little. He's had three different houses since birth - one when we lived together, then we lived at my parents for 8 months, and then finally I've got my own house. He's only just started sleeping through, having been waking every hour until recently.

I feel like he needs more continuity and stability before overnight is every week.

What have others arranged for a child this age?

My ex and I separated when our daughter was 3 months old and our son was 5. Once he had his own place he took our son every weekend and then once I stopped breastfeeding at about 8 months he took our daughter too.

EOW seems to be a pretty normal set up for contact but I'm sure your LO will be fine with dad every weekend if it's the arrangement you come to. My daughter is 3 now and there's never been an issue. Hope that helps

Every other weekend - you should have a pattern which allows DC to spend time with each parent at the weekend. Otherwise, once they get to nursery and school, you are never going to have a weekend together in term time.

What about mid-week contact?

Every other weekend rather than every weekend.

Every other weekend, and midweek one day if that would work.
Personally I wouldn't do overnights until school age, but it depends on the child and the involvement level of the dad.
If you think it would be beneficial rather than unsettling for the child then its a good idea. But if it seems more for the dad than the child then I would wait until they're able to understand more.
I can't imagine many young toddlers would benefit from sleeping somewhere unfamiliar every week or 2 compared to just building a bond when they're actually awake.

build up to it slowly over time, with the chance to back track if it is not working and trying an alternative.

little and often at first. a visit every week or twice a week. would be good, maybe for shorter periods and buildingup to every other weekend over time.

Could you maybe put a plan in place to extend it. What contact does he have .
I would also factor in if you are working .
Maybe suggest overnights from when he is 2 . That way gives you time to establish his sleep routine and Dad sees that it will happen

I would do it eow until he’s abit older and then still do eow but a full weekend, Friday after work til Sunday at 4pm.. and maybe a evening in the week for tea

Although as a single dad I am very sympathetic to dads who want their child overnight from a young age, I think (although not very politically correct) that one has to tread carefully in truth on overnights for pre-schoolers, particularly if dad is not a regular feature otherwise during the day.

It is a balancing act in my experience, between the child being able to form multiple secure attachments with caregivers that are not mum...versus over-doing it, freaking them out and provoking separation anxiety because it has been mishandled. I think proceeding gently and reading the signs from the child as you go, and responding to these, is key