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Original poster

should I be exspecting a mother’s day card from my ex

28 replies

sheballs · 11/03/2018 21:24

Iv been split up from my babies daddy for the last 6 months, our kids are 2yrs and 3 yrs old. I was slightly upset that he didn’t get them a card to give me on mother’s day, is it a normal thing to do? Or should I just get over it and come to terms with I won’t receive one until there old enough to get one thereself. Me and there dad still get on ok but he has just got a new girlfriend and things are getting a bit tricky. What do people think, is it bad he didn’t get me one or am I being the silly one ??

OP posts:
LovingLola · 11/03/2018 21:25

I think it's something that you need to assume won't happen until the children are old enough to do this themselves.

Matilda1981 · 11/03/2018 21:27

Gosh my ex wouldn’t get me one from my daughters! I do have a new partner tho and he took them out to buy me a card and a present (they’re 6 and 4) which was lovely.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 11/03/2018 21:28

Never expect anything from an ex. They are bound to be a disappointment. That's why they are an ex surely?

ginswinger · 11/03/2018 21:43

Maybe you should chat with one another and discuss whether it would be nice for both of you to buy cards for the kids for fathers and mothers day? He might rather like the idea .

NorthernSpirit · 11/03/2018 23:31

No, I wouldn’t expect it. He’s your EX, you’re not together anymore, you’ve both moved on.

If you want a card / present how about prompting a relative to help out?

Cat2014 · 11/03/2018 23:33

It’s a nice thing to do - I always get my ExH something with ds, and he does the same for my birthday and mother’s day.

SlowlyShrinking · 11/03/2018 23:46

My ex would, and I get him something on father’s day too. It depends on the ex and how well you get on, I suppose?

DorynownotFloundering · 11/03/2018 23:49

You are not your exes mother why should he? My view is expect nothing from an ex & then if they do step up it's a bonus.

NickyNora · 11/03/2018 23:49

No. Why would he?

Herja · 11/03/2018 23:52

Mine did. Which particularly surprised me as my older child had made me 2 cards already. I thought it was nice of him, but very unexpected.

BubbleAndSquark · 11/03/2018 23:55

My DP didn't get one so try not to feel too hard done by!
My school aged DD gave me multiple cards and pictures, but a card 'from' the baby or toddler wouldn't have meant much really.
They're too young to understand at this age and plenty of time for them to give cards themselves when they're older. Smile

Maybe you could make a paint footprint picture or something similar with each of them tomorrow and put 'mother's day 2018' on it to keep as a nice memory?

SciFiG33k · 12/03/2018 00:07

Your not your ex's mother, so no. Do you have family that you could ask to do this for you from the kids. They will start bringing cards home from school when they get there

LonginesPrime · 12/03/2018 00:13

is it a normal thing to do?

I wouldn't say so, no. Although it depends on your ex's attitude to cards and gifts generally, whether it was an amicable split, where his head's at now, etc.

My personal view is that it's very odd for other people to give cards/gifts on behalf of someone else and as a single parent, I fully expect to get nothing on mothers' day unless my DC remember (1 out of 3 did today, so I was actually quite impressed!).

When someone does do that thing of buying something 'from the baby', it feels like a schmaltzy, lovey dovey thing to do. I certainly wouldn't do it for it expect it from an ex.

SlowlyShrinking · 12/03/2018 00:26

When I buy something for my ds to give to his dad, I’m doing it mainly for my ds’ benefit, not because I think my ex particularly wants a box of Aldi after eight-style chocs and a cheap card.

Singleandproud · 12/03/2018 00:30

Looking at the relationship boards its easy to see that some husbands and partners dont get the mother of the children a gift let alone getting one from an ex.

My ex normally gets me a small token gift from DD although not this year. My mum also takes DD out to get me something. DD (8) takes great pride in choosing and giving presents on any occasion and often hand makes things now too.

If it upset you, then next year treat yourself to things you wouldn't normally buy yourself (goes for birthdays too) and put it in the DC room to 'wrap' or put in a gift bag the night before so they can suprise you.

chocatoo · 12/03/2018 00:31

I wouldn't expect it but it would have been nice if he did. Hopefully he might end up with a partner who gives him a nudge to do it?

HappyLollipop · 12/03/2018 00:49

I don't think this the normal thing to do, my DP doesn't get his ex a Mother's Day card sure her mum or boyfriend takes the DSC out to pick a card and sign it, I obviously got a card signed by him and DS as we're together but I wouldn't expect it if we weren't! Can't you get a family member or friend to do those things with the kids instead?

C0untDucku1a · 12/03/2018 00:53

I think he should be providing the children with the means to give you a mothers day card and gift because you are the mother of his children.

However, often on mumsnet you are scoffed at for even expecting maintenance and regular contact.

Personally i would tell him how disappointed I was that he let the children down with this. On father’s day do for him what you would like him do for you and set the standard.

SD1978 · 12/03/2018 01:06

We have always s dine cards, and small gift for birthday, Christmas, mothers/Father’s Day since she was born, separated when she was 10months. Probably vecause I started it. If it doesn’t happen, I would t make it a thing- you know where you stand and that is t something that will happen. If it matters that much to you- can you nominate a friend or family memeber to help them with other it?

PrettyLittIeThing · 12/03/2018 22:14

My ex actually told me not to buy him birthday/Father's Day cards from the kids. He doesn't get me anything either. I thought it was a nice thing to do for the kids but he didn't want me to so everyone's different. I don't think you can expect it.

karenovan · 13/03/2018 15:00

We always do - birthdays / Christmas / Mothers' Day / Fathers' Day etc.

As someone above pointed out - it's not for your ex, it's so that your kids can learn to give - and to appreciate other people (in this case their other parent).

Important for their development in my opinion - but I get that not everyone is in that place.

wendz86 · 13/03/2018 16:09

We always buy each other gifts from the children but i wouldn't say it is necessarily normal.

Starlight2345 · 13/03/2018 18:38

My ex once bought me a 40p bar of chocolate . I’d sooner he didn’t bother.
Mn is the only place in the world where Dh are not expected to assist there children to get cards . So not sure it is a great place to ask . I do agree you can’t expect him to but yes would be nice esp if you have no one else to do it

Justdontknow4321 · 14/03/2018 06:39

No, he doesn’t need to get you a card. He’s an ex, and your not his mother.

Original poster
sheballs · 14/03/2018 17:11

Yes thank you everybody it really helped hearing all you opinions :)
And to those that said " no he shouldn't as your not his mother'
I'm very aware I'm not his mother thank you. he's not my father but I still get the kids to pick him a Father's Day card out and give him!!

OP posts: