babysitting for my ex

[SoulDad]

I'm a bit unsure what to do a would appreciate others point of view.

Me and my ex split up about 5 months ago, we have a 4yro daughter. We had been together 8 years, but not got married. She wanted the split and it left me devastated losing my partner and my family. She said she no longer found me attractive.

Anyway, I was keen to maintain a decent friendship for the sake of my daughter. So I helped her move to a new house and pay half her rent as well as child maintenance. We agreed 50/50 care of my daughter over the week and this has been working well.

But now she wants me to babysit our daughter on her nights while she goes out to singles evenings. I really want to maintain a positive relationship but am beginning to feel taken advantage of. It hurts to see her get dressed up knowing it's for other men but I want to provide for my daughter.

The last months have left me emotionally shot and I'm struggling to know what's right and wrong. Am I being unreasonable to say no to her requests or should I just accept my new role in her life? Any help would be good.

This takes the piss. She can go to singles nights on the nights you have your daughter. If it's half the time that's plenty of opportunity.

How many nights do you have you daughter a week now?

And what nights do you have her over night? Is that the issus?

I really feel for you that's really insensitive and she's defo not doing it to get some kind of reaction?

You have two choices except the extra time with your daughter as an added bonus

Or swap the days around

Thanks for the responses..

I have my daughter Mon & Tues and then alternate weekends. So she wants to go to a singles meetup on Thurs evenings.

I guess the answer would be to swap some days and then I don't have to be there when she goes out and comes back.

Ultimately I have to come to terms with the fact that she has moved on, but that is a struggle for me right now. My world exploded those months back and I'm still picking up the pieces.

It doesn't help that I babysat one evening to find out later she had gone to a hotel with a work colleague - which was nice. She did apologies for that one.

Off topic but id NEVER describe looking after my own child as babysitting. odd choice of word.

So you have overnights mon, tue and alternate fri and sat? 4 out of 14? Thats not 50/50 is it???

I initially thoght she was bvu bu now less so. Maybe swap the monday for thursday? Or alternate thursday?

Yeah, you're right it's not quite 50/50, but I have 6 out of 14.

I'm going to suggest a swap, that way I'll save myself the difficult time of seeing her leave and waiting for her to come back.

BTW you'll have to tell be what bvu bu means

I thought she was being very unreasonable. But now i dont. Slight tweek to nights would solve the issue and give her a night out that’s useful to her.

Stop asking her what she is doing / where she is going. If she is volunterring the info tell her youre not interested. Sounds like she might be punishing ypu by telling you.

Spend time with your friends. Take the children on great days out. Fill you life with good times and youll be able to move on.

Why are you paying half of her rent?

She is being unreasonable. If a woman had posted that her ex wanted her to have their child on additional nights to those that had already been agreed so that he could go out and meet other women there would be uproar.

You shouldn’t be paying half her rent and maintenance if you have the child 50/50.

She’s massively taking the piss.

I would agree with changing contact arrangement so dd is with you on Thursdays.

As for the rest, well, yes it hurts but she’s within her rights to dress how she wants and do what she wants. Time is a great healer.

Have your child to stay with you on thursdays as well and adjust maintenance accordingly.
Does your ex expect to you to turn up at her place to be with your child, and see ex leave and come back? Cos she's just rubbing your nose in it then.

Swapping nights the obvious answer here.
I feel for you, but she isn’t actually doing anything wrong, though I agree just maintenance should be enough not half her rent as well!

Even the maintenance is a bit tbh if you have a 50/50 split!

Bit of a long story as to why I'm paying half her rent, which I won't go into (it's dull). But fortunately it will only be for another 4 months until she is able to buy a house. The maintenance I'm paying is pretty low because most of the cost is shared with the 50/50 arrangement.

So tonight we agreed to swap days when she wants to go out, and my daughter comes to stay at mine. Much better as I don't have to be around her house feeling terrible for an evening!

Maybe I'll be the one wanting to swap days to go out sometime, although just need sometime to go by before I feel up to it.

Good work OP.

Well done, Soul. If I were you I’d concentrate on moving on now too.

glad you have it sorted. It is hard isn't it?

Better for your dd that she has a parent looking after her when one of you goes out, but talk about sticking a knife in your guts and twisting it with regard to the reason for her going out.