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Original poster

5 year old son prefers his dad...what am I doing wrong?

9 replies

Mobrain · 26/12/2017 11:37

Hello all,
To cut a long story short my 5 year old son lives with me and sees his Dad every other weekend. However, it's getting to the stage that my son says he wants to live with Daddy and he is always so excited to see him and reluctant to come home after visits. I try really hard to make sure we do fun stuff as well as the mundane school stuff but it's becoming increasingly difficult as time goes on. I'm starting to resent this favourism my son shows to his father especially when his Dad doesn't put in any extra effort to support him, e.g Spending extra time with him, coming to school plays etc. Does anyone else have any experiance of this and any advice on what the best thing to do is?

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Rainbowqueeen · 26/12/2017 11:45

Sorry no advice for you other than to say this is pretty normal when one parent gets to be the Disney parent and the other parent gets to do the mundane every day things.

Can his dad have him one night during the week? I assume his dad would not be interested in having him full time so at least you don't have to worry about him actually moving in with dad.

Eventually your son will realise who was there for him and who supported him but it may be a long way off. Hang in there, you sound like a lovely mum and your DS is lucky to have you

Graphista · 26/12/2017 11:52

It's also his age, if I remember my child development education properly (it's been a while) around this age most children go through a phase of preferring/idolising the parent that is the same gender as them. He's kind of at "ew girls" Grin stage.

It'll pass and then you'll be the favourite at other times. Swings and roundabouts. Kids can be fickle little buggers sonetimes.

Original poster
Mobrain · 26/12/2017 12:04

Hi Rainbowqueen,
I would truly love his Dad to see him during the week and I have asked him numerous times to be more involved but he just won't make that extra effort for his son who cries because he missed his Daddy. It's so heart breaking knowing I'm doing everything in my power to try to make things easier/happier for him and his Dad won't oblige and yet my son still favours his father!!

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NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 26/12/2017 12:22

They just prefer the one with the most money when they're young they grow out of it

MakChoon · 26/12/2017 12:36

I agree with PP that it's likely just a developmental phase. DH and I are still together and our DCs have gone through phases when one of us have been their clear favourite.

I remember when my DS was about 3 and was spending more time with DH because I was spending a lot of time with our baby DD (breast feeding etc) and he went through a phase of telling me to go away and saying he wanted his daddy. Sad DS and I had previously been inseparable and I was very upset about it at the time.

They're now 9 and 7 and they don't seem to have favourites anymore. They're generally more affectionate with me but they love spending time with DH too.

I know it's much harder when you're doing so much alone and don't have other DC (I'm assuming) to smooth out the peaks and troughs of these phases but try to remember that your DS adores you and will come out of this phase soon.

Kingsclerelass · 27/12/2017 04:25

Mobrain, please don't be hurt. Your ds doesn't mean it. At 5 he just sees his dad as the exciting one with no serious side. It's irritating but think, when he cries, who does he turn to, to comfort him?
I used to have this with my Ds but now he knows who takes time out to see him in the school play or spent endless Sundays teaching him to ride without stabilisers.
He doesn't love his dad less, but kids aren't daft.

Straightinmybasket · 27/12/2017 19:04

I'm going through similar at the moment so no real advice but just to say you're not alone!

My DS is 6 and goes to his dads every other weekend. He does all sorts of exciting things there and he regularly tells me he wants to live with daddy now. What's worse is that his dad's girlfriend has children whereas he's my only one. It breaks my heart that he's getting the family life I always wanted for him but in a different family and not with me.

Like I say, no real advice but you're not alone!

Original poster
Mobrain · 27/12/2017 21:25

I feel your pain Straightinmybasket. There should be a support group for mummies that go through this, it really hurts so much 😭. It's even harder because none of my friends have gone through this so they don't know what it's like at all. Thank you for your thoughts though xx

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Daisydaisy3 · 11/03/2020 19:19

I know this thread is 3 years old but OP if you're still around, did it get any better? Think I will be facing similar 😢

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