My XP is an ar*e, I hate having to break the news to my DD that she's been stood up again.

[Aimsmum]

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Oh, what an idiot. Sorry to hear this Big treats sound like the way forward.

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Aww your poor DD

Just cannot understand why these blokes are so crap, how they can do this to their own kids.

Yeah, this happens to my ds with my ex too. He's 13 and the making excuses for ex has only just stopped. I have always tried to protect his feelings, never slagged off ex in front of him etc. I think the natural instinct for a child is always to see the best in an absent parent, after all they're not there doing the day to day hard graft and certainly my ds used to daydream about how wonderful life would be if only he lived with his df, particularly if I told him off about something. It is difficult, you have my deepest sympathies but, hang on in there. You sound like you more than make up for his shittiness.

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That didn't come out the way I intended!! Meant you sound like a really good mum.

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Yeah, that biting your tongue bit sure takes some perfecting. Whilst receiving a full run down of what a wonderful dad he is, whenever ex deigns to see him (at HIS convenience of course) I have to turn away and physically restrain myself from shouting "But he's a WANKER!!' at the top of my lungs. I've always just about managed it, the thought of breaking his heart, I just cannot bear. But I do have to phone my friend and swear about him once ds is safely out of earshot. I was so apopletic with rage once, I waited till ds had gone to school and phoned parentline and vented my spleen. Felt rather good and it helps that they tell you what a fantastic parent you are for keeping it together in front of your child!!

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I have to say she probably wants to stay in her own house anyway as she has her own bed and comforts around and of course you

Aimsmum I really feel for you as my XP is exactly the same. And my dd also makes excuses and 'sticks up' for her daddy. It really gets to me that men can do this to their dc. My dd is still awaiting a birthday pressie from her dad (from November) and also a xmas pressie - not to mention the easter egg she didnt get! Again she makes the excuses up that 'daddy doesnt have much money' or 'daddy will make it up to me' etc... It's really shit and so hard not to say 'hes a complete twunt'! I only hope that one day soon she will realise what a complete dickhead he really is!

Poor little dd

She sounds like she has a first class mummy though.

Hope she feels better soon - make a big fuss of her and give her a hug from MN

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Hopefully they will!! I have actually started keeping a diary of times he didnt turn up, didnt bring her the dvd/toy/sweets he promised her he would, 'couldnt afford' the birthday/xmas pressies etc.. Then when shes old enough I can go back through and show her exactly what he was like. I am sick of being thought of as the bad guy for telling her off/making her tidy her room etc.. while he swans about doing as he pleases and remains being Mr Fabulous . Stay strong aimsmum, when our dd's realise what they're like, they'll need us all the more xx

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Oh Aimsmum, its heartbreaking to see a child try and hide their disappointment. Havent had the absent-father disappointment, but, I had this the other week with DD who was the only child refused a chocolate treat at Easter and had to take a box of raisins. She tried to hide behind her arm and I gave her a hug and couldnt stop crying myself .

Sounds like you are doing a great job. It must be so difficult to remain dignified, but, when she is older, she will know how great you were, and how shite he was.

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Oh, I am sorry for dd and for you, must be dreadful to see him hurting her. My parents divorced so I feel for dd, I was very anxious about whether daddy still loved me (fortunately we have a good relationship as adults but will never forget that insecurity).

Your ex sounds like a selfish tosser, btw, someone who lets his daughter down because he doesn't want to stay in when she's ill is not fit to be a dad, really. She'll see through him one day, if not now. And all you can do is love her and not slag him off, however unbearably tempting it is.

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