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Original poster

Tell me the positives of being a lone parent

58 replies

Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 18:58

I am about to move into a house alone with my boys after 11 years with H. I know I really need to make this move, but now that I only have a couple of weeks before the big move, I am feeling very frightened & worried for my boys.
I need to hear some positive stories please!

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harman · 14/04/2007 19:05

Message withdrawn

goingfor3 · 14/04/2007 19:10

My mum brought me up on her own and I have really never minded. It's better to live with one happy parent than two unhappy ones.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 19:15

Thank you both.
I am getting myself very knotted up about it all, especially when my mum keeps on about how sad it is for the boys, which I also feel so awful about.

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harman · 14/04/2007 19:18

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 19:57

I am not cutting contact with their dad at all, harmen (did you used to post under another name btw?), I hope they see him lots. It is very sad when DS1 asks me why I'm leaving his daddy & when I see him laying with him of an evening, but I'm hoping they will adjust in time.
I am feeling a bit wobbly right now & need to just get this hard bit over & then I can start to get on with my new life.
Just wanted to hear a few positives rather than focusing on all the bits that are frightening me.

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PestoMonster · 14/04/2007 19:59

You can invite your friends (and their DCs) round whenever you like. Don't have to answer to DH at all. My DH doesn't like socialising much and works from home so I really resent not bein g able to have my friends round for afternoon in the garden or evening socialising any more. Make the most of it.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 20:05

Very true, Pesto!

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Judy1234 · 14/04/2007 20:09

For most people who are driven to part from their children's father, like me it was so absolutely unbearable before that anything is better. That's the biggest positive there is.

lou33 · 14/04/2007 20:13

i was with my exh for 17.5 yrs

we split nov 05

just being able to make my own choices is great

i can breathe

harman · 14/04/2007 20:15

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 20:23

Had a feeling you may have been rickman, harman!

As some of you will know, my relationship with H was not the greatest & the decision to split was mine. I know things will be calmer & less tense when we move, but it is a huge huge move for me & I am starting to get a bit scared & wobbly!

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 20:27

17.5 years is a very long time to be together, lou!

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Dinosaur · 14/04/2007 20:29

I think just to have control of things yourself will be amazing, Pinkchampagne . Not having to be looking over your shoulder the whole time, trying to second-guess H, what sort of a mood is he going to be in, what's going to annoy him, what do I need to stop the DSs doing before he gets in etc etc etc.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 20:34

Yes you're right, dino, and I do feel quite positive about the move, but pretty daunted at the same time.
I have had a few panicky days over the last week, but I kind of expected a few wobbles as the moving date got nearer.
Moving house can be a bit of a trauma at the best of times, but combining it with suddenly going alone is kind of scary!

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lou33 · 14/04/2007 20:44

it sure was pc, took me a long time to make him listen!

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 20:46

One thing I am looking forward to is having a house that I actually feel is mine (always felt our other houses belonged to H) & being able to have it just as I want!

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Dinosaur · 14/04/2007 20:46

Yes, that will be lovely .

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 20:46

No regrets though, lou?

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lou33 · 14/04/2007 20:48

not one

one of hte benefits is 9m on i have had a relationship with he most fantastic bloke i could wish to meet

but i was also perfectly happy to be alone

anything was better than staying with my ex

Hassled · 14/04/2007 20:50

I was a lone parent for a while with my older kids, and the poxy flat we lived in was the first place I'd ever had that was just MINE - and I loved it. Eating what I liked, watching whatever rubbish telly I liked, not having to accommodate anyone's bad moods - just being independent. It is big and scary, but also strangely exhilarating - good luck, you'll do great.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 20:59

Thank you all.

Lou - really happy you have found such a lovely man. Can't imagine starting a new relationship myself right now, but I guess you can never say never!

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lou33 · 14/04/2007 21:05

honestly you will be fine

fwiw mine has just moved 6000 miles away, but i think he is worth trying to keep it going at least fir now

also i wasnt looking for a relationship when i met him, i told him i only wanted to use him for sex lol

Judy1234 · 14/04/2007 21:57

19 years for me and as with lou I would be much happier single forever than with my ex so on any basis it's better. It's better for our children too. I hope ultimately my ex will feel it was better for him too.

RachelG · 14/04/2007 22:33

You can have the remote control. You can eat what/when you want. You don't have to worry about what sort of day he's had, what sort of mood he's in. You don't have a big male ego to look after. You don't have to watch any sport on TV. You can chat to friends on the phone as much as you like.

And you can post on Mumsnet at 10.30 on a Saturday night!

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 22:37

It's starting to feel better & better! Thank you.

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