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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Tell me the positives of being a lone parent

58 replies

Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 18:58

I am about to move into a house alone with my boys after 11 years with H. I know I really need to make this move, but now that I only have a couple of weeks before the big move, I am feeling very frightened & worried for my boys.
I need to hear some positive stories please!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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singledadofthree · 14/04/2007 23:09

pinkchampagne - isnt easy to start with as you know, had loads of doubts meself way back when i was left with mine. has all turned out well now tho, and i'm a fella who had no idea what to do!! just didnt have a choice at the time so got on with it. expect a woman should manage reasonably well . seriously tho - positives about being a lone parent - not that many. positives about taking responsibility to bring your kids up the best you can and the best for them - loads. time is the thing as ever, just get on with it and look to the future

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 14/04/2007 23:34

Hi SDO3. I am not expecting it to be easy, but in a way the whole lead up has been such an emotional slog & I have got through it (ish), so maybe I'll be ok eventually!

OP posts:

EllieKthePA · 14/04/2007 23:36

being able to give myself completely to my boys when they need me without feeling gilty for shutting anyone else out

singledadofthree · 14/04/2007 23:40

champers - in a way it was (in the dim n distant past), was a relief to just beable to get on with it after all the inevitable crap that leads up to it. forgot to say that it is fun, is what lifes all about after all.

neva · 15/04/2007 09:42

I agree that being single is great.

Sounds like your mum is having problems accepting your decision? Mine did too. But eventually she realised that my daughter was absolutely fine and that her dad was still playing just as important a role in her life. I think my mum has become more open-minded and tolerant as a result, and our relationship has improved because of it.

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 15/04/2007 10:06

My whole family are having problems accepting this. My dad says that it is not what we do in our family!

OP posts:

Judy1234 · 15/04/2007 11:11

We were the first people ever on either side of the famliy to have a divorce. We told no one until decree absolute an finances/consent order all finished and my ex moved out. Then I just told the family in matter of fact fashion not asking for any views and not getting any. None of their business.

AMAZINWOMAN · 15/04/2007 17:56

I think you have a much closer and more loving relationship with the kids. Kids have to take a bit more responsibility for themselves so they becomre much more confident and indepedent before their friends. Any problems we solve together as a team, and kids learn team work is important

QueenofBleach · 15/04/2007 18:06

You never have arguements aboutr discipline which is waht my brother and sil do

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 15/04/2007 19:40

I do worry about how I will manage the boys on my own. DS1 keeps pushing me to the limits atm (probably really testing the water) in a way he doesn't with his dad.

OP posts:

lou33 · 15/04/2007 22:41

thats v normal tho extremely annoying

i ahve no doubt that times will be rocky and hard, especially the initial few weeks

but you will cope

i guarantee it

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 15/04/2007 22:48

Thanks lou
I am having a few blips atm & I am a bit frightened, but I do feel reassured by your posts!
Excuse any little breakdowns I may have in the next couple of weeks!

OP posts:

lou33 · 15/04/2007 22:50

even tho it was what i wanted i still had those blips

especially when i had a teenage daughter saying she hated me and i had ruined her life

but i would have ruined her life more by staying in the marriage

blips and wobbles are ok

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 15/04/2007 23:19

That sounds very hard, lou.
It is the hardest thing to put your children through, isn't it? But like you say, they would have suffered more if you had stayed in the relationship.

OP posts:

lou33 · 15/04/2007 23:25

they are better off living in a single parent family without the tension and rows

Mhamai · 15/04/2007 23:32

The remote is yours sorry too late for anything deeper, on second thoughts, after thinking deeply, The remote is yours

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 16/04/2007 18:23

LOL, Mhamai! That is a good positive!

OP posts:

glitterfairy · 17/04/2007 10:20

Pinkchampagne you know what I have put up with and been through and honestly I am so happy now!

The kids are happy and settled and we are happy in our home. We have all got on with our lives and we are relaxed and chilled with each other. We dont fight about silly stuff like CD cases being broken or who spilt what and we dont apologise for everything any more! Whats more I get to choose with the kids how we conduct ourselves and live our lives which is very empowering. No one tells us how to behave any more or shouts at us all for stupid small and meaningless trifles.

madamez · 17/04/2007 10:27

No simmering resentment that another adult is making your life harder rather than helping you. Being able to do what you want when the DCs are in bed (ie watch what you like on telly, go on MN, read a book, pick your feet, eat an entire packet of crisps). DOn't know what the specific problems were with your XP but you won't have them to put up with on a daily basis any more.

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 17/04/2007 16:45

Hi GF. Good to see your name, I was just thinking about you last night!
I exchanged contracts today & am due to complete on the 4th May!
I will e mail you.

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LittleSarah · 17/04/2007 16:56

God so many!

Mine are similar to all those on hear and mainly come down to getting to do whatever you like, whenever you like!

Watching what you want, be it ER, Ugly Betty or Question Time!
Eating what you want, when you want.
Not worrying if you look like shite and on the other hand flirting with boys when you are out and feeling good.
Sleeping alone. (Maybe not great for everyone, I liked the hugging before sleep but have always found it hard to sleep with someone else in the bed. Bloody dd came in last night, wriggling and fidgeting all over the place, ARGH!)
Dancing around the kitchen regularly, without shame.
Basically being able to spend quiet evenings in reading, having hot bubble baths and indulging yourself however you see fit.
Avoiding being judged (while kids are young anyway), I.e. shouldn't you be... or shouldn't you not be... or why haven't you... or aren't you going to... or when are you going to...
I hear dating is fun but I haven't done that in a while, would interrupt my reading/TV watching/long hot bathing/baking and general relaxing time.

glitterfairy · 18/04/2007 09:25

HI PC. Take care and I will look out for that email.

FloatingLikeALeadBalloon · 18/04/2007 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 20/04/2007 12:41

I already have the bed to myself & have done for months - I love it!

Two weeks today I will be moving & I do have a very churny stomach atm!

OP posts:

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 20/04/2007 12:42

GF - I tried to mail you, but for some reason it was thrown back at me. Has your mail address changed?

OP posts:

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