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Lone parents

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Original poster

Should I pay for exp to take the kids out every day?

24 replies

colditz · 02/04/2007 12:46

He comes to see them every day. It's cold outside, his room is utterly unsuitable, and he says he has no money to do anything other than sit in my house and feed them out of the food I have here.

Should I pay for them to go to a soft play place or something?> Although I feel a bit resentful that he is getting the fun, 9.30 until 1.30 bit, and I get the miserable teatime bedtime all night, first thing in the morning witht he priveledge of paying for them to have fun elsewhere while I do housework on my own.

OP posts:
MamaG · 02/04/2007 12:47

Can't he just wrap them up and take them to the park/woods or something? I don't know your circs but it seems a bit unfair!

Kites cost £1 and htey keep warm charging about with it

raspberryberet · 02/04/2007 12:48

Don't pay for them every day - make it a condition of him seeing the children every day that he takes responsibility for entertaining them at least part of the time. Otherwise he doesn't see them every day.

Being with them doesn't have to cost much. He can take them to the park, to feed the ducks, to the library - if they're wrapped up warm enough the cold doesn't matter.

Original poster
colditz · 02/04/2007 12:54

he does take them to the park, but brings them back after 20 minutes - they are only 1 and 4.

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MamaG · 02/04/2007 18:53

its hard when they are tiny. I like rb's suggestion of not paying every day

Tinkerbel5 · 02/04/2007 18:58

colditz dont give him any money, I dont know the background but does he not work, does he choose to see the children everyday or is it something you wanted regarding childcare ?

charliecat · 02/04/2007 19:04

No no money colditz

Original poster
colditz · 02/04/2007 19:07

He does work - he works evenings atm, and we had a row that as he want to see them when he is not at work, he is taking up all the 'good' times when they could be doing something somewhere, and he's not here for the dull bits when they would really enjoy seeing him because they are sick of me!

He was always very involved with looking after them, so I agreed he could carry on seeing them every day, as they are used to him doing a fair whack of the care on his own, and I am loathe to change it.

OP posts:
Original poster
colditz · 02/04/2007 19:09

He is convinced i have more money than him, although he has a full time (albeit low aid) job

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charliecat · 02/04/2007 19:10

Even if you do have more money its not for you to pay for him to take them out Are you getting all your tax credits, income support etc yet?

tatt · 02/04/2007 19:14

compromise. Sometimes he gets to take them somewhere, most of the time he doesn't. Why can't he come in the afternoon sometimes?

Blandmum · 02/04/2007 19:18

Local Library is free, toy library, wrap up warm and lots of walks.

gigglinggoblin · 02/04/2007 19:38

i have 4 kids, 8, 6, 2 and 1 month. i would go mad staying in the house so i find things to do. i am not loaded and dont spend much (if anything) most days. he can make a picnic at his place and take them out for a few hours without any trouble, just like i manage, just like dh manages. give him a list of suggestions if you must, there is no reason why he has to stay inside. personally i would meet him elsewhere. how are you ever going to have a life of your own if your ex is in the house the whole time? he will do this as long as you let him, but you already know that. and its not that cold btw, we go out in all weathers. he really cant use that excuse when the weather is like this

Original poster
colditz · 02/04/2007 19:39

he works from mid afternoon onwards

yes, thank you CC I am now getting all the income support and tax credits etc.

technically I do have more actual money than him - btu I have a house and two kids to support. He pays his rent and the rest is his. It's not my fault he has creditors chasing him to the ends of the earth - it's his.

I am giving him £10 to take them out tomorrow because they are just desperately bored, but if I take them out, they won't see him.

But I'm not giving him any more money this week, that's it. normally it's not a problem - ds1 goes to playschool so doesn't go so stir crazy

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mumto3girls · 02/04/2007 19:42

Why does he have to see them every day? Why not make it more quality by having him see them every other day, so he could save a £10 himself to take them out ( although I agree that some plagroups cost only a £1 and the library is free).

Blandmum · 02/04/2007 19:48

Even in the wet we used to go puddle jumping.

Granted you need some clean clothes at the end, but the kids loved it and it was zero money for me.

Original poster
colditz · 02/04/2007 20:04

he doesn't have to, but I feel, he feels, and ds1 feels that it is good if he does. I do think it is a good thing, but if he doesn't stop hanging around the house so much, he is going to have to stop coming because it's making me niggley

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NuttyMuffins · 02/04/2007 20:06

Hmm you have the exact same problem as me.

Xp will come here and sit with the kids all day but will not take them out as he says he can't afford too.

It crossed my mind to give him money to take them out but why the hell should I. If I have the money for a trip out, which is rare anyway, then i'd rather take them myself.

Does he work Colditz ?? Have access to a car ??

NuttyMuffins · 02/04/2007 20:07

Can you not arrange for him to come a coupele of times a week instead of every day ?

LoveMyGirls · 02/04/2007 20:29

free/ cheap things to do...........

muesum
library
swimming
visit his relatives
park/ feed ducks (can easily do this for 45mins even on a cold day with a child of 1 as long as they are wrapped up - 20mins is bollox!)
toddler groups (they have plenty in church halls etc, we have one down the road its 75p)

surely to god he can make the room he stays in half decent for the children to visit there for at least 2 hrs a day! I lived in a damp, freezing flat with a 2 yr old when i was 19 and i managed with no car/ money/ partner etc

Original poster
colditz · 02/04/2007 20:32

UI absolutely don't want them going to his room. He shares the flat with several people he doesn't know ffrom Adam, and I know 2 of them are criminals (it's a small town)

But other than that, yes he danmn well could spend longer out of the house without dragging them around the town

He won't make them a picnic at his place, he says he can't afford it.

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mumto3girls · 02/04/2007 21:19

His longing to see them seems full of crap if he can't eve make the poor things a sandwich...call his bluff for a few days...

VeniVidiVickiQV · 02/04/2007 21:21

Dont give him money - he is taking the piss.

I'd not trust him to spend it on the kids anyway, tbh.

tatt · 02/04/2007 22:29

Ok - go out with him. He doesn't have to have the kids to himself. Take them to the park together so he can see how to keep them out longer than a few minutes. Then you get to share the fun times. Rest of the time he stays in but when he niggles you you leave.

MrsWho · 02/04/2007 23:10

Don't let him come everyday, it only gets harder.I have been there and 5 years on my xh still hangs round my house.He kicked off when I wanted him to stop coming every day but now only visitstwice a week.
Don't give him any money, you take them to soft play and say if he wants to see them, meet you there and don't buy him a drink!

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