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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I'm always going to be poor aren't I?

20 replies

Diddledum · 22/02/2017 10:33

Just that really, my outgoings are more than my incoming. I work part-time 3 days a week and am a lone parent. DD has no contact with father and he has never paid any maintenance (have tried to to through CMS but they basically told me I'd never get a penny).
What am I supposed to do?! I can't work full time because I don't have cover for all the school holidays. I go to college once a week so I can train for a better paid job. But even if I'm on a decent wage working 3 days a week is never going to make ends meet on my own.

Feeling very frustrated. Is anyone else in my position? How do you cope? Is there a way out of this?

OP posts:

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Faithless12 · 22/02/2017 11:02

Up until recently I worked full time and barely made ends meet. I moved home (big mistake) and even without rent the maths just doesn't add up as I'd need to pay for before and after school clubs. No maintenance paid here as well although he has contact and sees that as adequate payment.
Just want to give up, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

INeedNewShoes · 22/02/2017 11:04

I'm about to become a single parent. I've been building up a business I can run from home to try to get around the childcare in the school holidays problem.

Another option could be for you to get a job in a school then you would get the same holidays. It depends where in the country you are but you can earn a very decent salary £30k in higher-level admin jobs at some schools.

arrrrghhwinehelpswithteens · 22/02/2017 11:07

Would you be able to do Avon or something?

I would make an appointment with an advisor at the Job Centre just to make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to benefits-wise, just in case.

Hope things improve for you

deluxetruffles · 22/02/2017 11:24

It is bloody hard and demoralising. I used to work in a well-paid industry. After moving to the country, my salary dipped but then I shared most bills with my then husband so it did not affect me much. After getting divorced, I have struggled as he has shrugged off all responsibilities and left me to bear the brunt of bringing up our daughter. I now work part time so that I can also look after my daughter. He pays what the CMS have calculated for him to pay and not a penny more. When he had a second child with someone else, he informed the CMS so that the maintenance he has to pay would be reduced. He is always looking for ways to not pay and to hit us financially. That is as depressing and upsetting as the actual lack of money.

I live in a rural area and jobs are scarce here. So I could either relocate which would be upsetting for my daugher who is settled or stay here and put up with living on a low wage.

Rather than things getting better, it seems that I keep getting more nasty surprises and I am not getting any younger!

I can see why women can become bitter about men. The evidence that they are selfish and self-serving is presented to us time and time again.

PollyPelargonium52 · 04/03/2017 06:53

Avon is just pin money.

Sunflowersmiling · 04/03/2017 23:57

It's a rubbish deal for us lone parents left holding the baby financially (while ex goes about building his pension fund woth no parenting responsiblity). But hey we get the best deal I reckon cause no amount of money would replace the true wealth I have with my DS. ;-) hippy vibes aside...im lone parent with no local support and I work full time. It is doable...holiday clubs...DS heads off for a few weeks a year to grandparents hundreds of miles away....after school club etc. Its a nightmare planning it all out but it can be done. That said I would be as well off working part time and getting tax credits. O_o

tickertyboo · 12/03/2017 23:30

You sound very despairing and rightly so. However, you have to accept and trust in yourself that the situation that you are in now will be very different in the future. Please keep that in mind.

I am a single mother with sole responsibility for my little boy. Because of this, I too work part-time only. I work as a self-employed cleaner in the area that I live. It's practical work and I can charge £10 per hour for it. I drop my little boy off at morning club at 8.00 am so that I can work between school hours and pick him up at 3.20 pm. I'm lucky that I mainly walk between customers' houses, which saves money on travel. Monthly, my child care fees are £56.00, which is reasonable.

Our clothes are mainly from charity shops, apart from shoes and underwear. Food is fish fingers, cheese, fruit/vegetables.

We very rarely go anywhere apart from his friends' houses for a play. One holiday a year for three days in north Wales only.

Try to cut back as much as you possibly can on everything.

I have never been happier. Please try to see the positives. It will get better when he's older. xx

tallwivglasses · 12/03/2017 23:37

THIS needs to be a Mumsnet campaign. So many women are working ridiculous hours in low paid jobs with no child support.

tickertyboo · 12/03/2017 23:49

Forgot to mention that the job is quite sociable as most of my customers enjoy a quick word either before the start or end of the job. I suppose this means more to me, because it's natural to become somewhat isolated when it's just you and your child living together.

Hope all of this helps.

tickertyboo · 12/03/2017 23:53

It's the system tallwivglasses. It's been going on for centuries. The only way to insulate yourself from it is to simply not have children. But, having them is very enlightening and you learn a great deal about being human.

Fuxfurforall · 13/03/2017 00:05

Yep. I hear you. Have raised 3 on my own and we have survived real hardship. I have always worked and never benefitted financially from it because of the costs of childcare, holiday clubs,breakfast clubs, after school clubs on top of day to day stuff like food and rent. That said, I now have 3 teenagers who appreciate everything, understand the value of simple things and tell me that they would never have changed anything about their lives. Hang in there, you are not alone xx

Loneranger25 · 18/03/2017 07:35

It's a horrible situation to be in. Just found out my ex bought a house while I can only afford to rent one room for me and DD because I pay for everything. Despite all of this my DD says I'm the best mummy ever. Money can't buy that.

CocoaLeaves · 18/03/2017 07:44

Yes, I was doing okay till massive and on-going legal fees, and high childcare costs and one DC who has additional needs and copes with school and not much else in the way of childcare. It is hard work and my older DD is aware that we are relatively poor but I am just hoping and praying that by keeping my job and keeping on juggling, we will be fine.

MadameJosephine · 18/03/2017 07:50

Have you checked that you are getting everything you are e titled to in terms of tax credits/housing benifit etc? There's a calculator here, in the meantime from me, you are doing one of the hardest jobs on the world.

entitledto.co.uk

Loneranger25 · 18/03/2017 10:30

I know I had some money saved before I had DD. Had to use it on legal fees. Back to square one. Cannot wait until school. Have time to wait but then it will all be eaten by rent. I'm lucky to have family to live with right now or else we would be homeless too.

NatashaW1989 · 26/03/2017 03:13

I'm so glad I stumbled across this, just to know I'm not alone. Working part time with two young children and ex husband who pays when a pittance when it suits him, yet he earns considerabley more than me! I keep us afloat but I can't imagine being able to afford a holiday or anything too luxurious, I'm lucky if I can scrape enough to take them to the kids club at odeon once a month. My kids are the happiest they have ever been though and we treat each other like a little team, they know mum works hard for what we have and never complain - my eldest even helps me organise the meals for the week and understands the need to plan and budget. This is hands down the hardest period of my life to date but I keep telling myself I'm raising well rounded, appreciative little humans - I couldn't buy that. :)

sandgrown · 26/03/2017 08:53

Well done to all of you it's very hard but it will be worth it. I was in a similar situation to you Natasha. Ex was self employed earning lots but hid his income. He did have regular contact though . I managed to work full time and a couple of evenings when he had the kids. I was lucky enough to have a job with flexi time so could try to build up time. I spread out my holidays, my mum helped in the holidays and my friends were brilliant at helping too. When I was off I had their children in return. Holidays,were cheap caravan parks on offers But the kids had a great time. They have grown into thoughtful,capable, strong adults.

junebirthdaygirl · 26/03/2017 09:19

Is there any way you could mind another child in your little ones school during holidays or after school. Im in Ireland so dont know rules about that in Uk..

beingsunny · 26/03/2017 09:41

Sorry to hear you are struggling, it is hard, my exh started out pretty well in terms of helping financially but at the same time lived the high life and got into huge debts letting off steam in the early year or two of our seperation, this has meant that now we have nothing to split.

I had planned to retrain with some of my settlement so I could take a job in a less demanding sector and be working for myself with hours that suited, DS starts school in January and I'm sad to be stuck in full time work.

I know that's not the same, as I'm writing this i realise I'm lucky and shouldn't complain too much

The divorce will leave me in debt which I've worked and scrimped so hard to avoid but now face a couple of years to pay it all off just to get back to zero

NatashaW1989 · 26/03/2017 11:40

I think just knowing your not alone is a massive help mentally. Thanks to social media and the way in which everyone now seems to try and show you how perfect their lives are you can end up wondering why your treading water whilst others swim lengths. I'm so glad I read these little entries on here and others!

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