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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Drop off

20 replies

redkaybee · 21/02/2017 20:20

Hi second post as no response to my first.
My ex has begun dropping off my daughter (4) to my front door and bringing his girlfriend along. It means she has to come into the car park, park the car, get out of the car, come through the block doors, come up in the lift two floors and walk down the corridor (of my property) to my front door.
He has nothing to carry and there is no reason for her to come - other than to intimidate me and make her presence known.
Do I have any rights on this matter as I do not think it is fair and I think he is trying to bait me - which he does all the time anyway but it doesn't work. But I do not want to accept a relative stranger coming into my property - when uninvited.
What can I do?

OP posts:

NapQueen · 21/02/2017 20:21

Do you own the entire building, or just the property behind your front door?

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 21/02/2017 20:23

Take it as insecurity on her part. . She ob doesn't trust her bf around you!! Smile sweetly and she will start to doubt the awful crap he likely says about you!!

Starlight2345 · 21/02/2017 20:24

If you think this is the reason..Be polite.. it will bother him more if he is not getting the reaction he is hoping for.

ginswinger · 21/02/2017 20:26

I think you need to relax and ignore. There's precious little you can do so just ignore and it will stop when they see you're not interested.

Original poster

redkaybee · 21/02/2017 22:12

I am a freeholder and a board member - so I own the property , manage and pay a maintenance charge to maintain the inner buildings and the car park , front gates , gardens etc - so in essence I maintain 1/48 of everything .

OP posts:

Original poster

redkaybee · 21/02/2017 22:15

Is there really nothing I can do? It is a private building and people cannot access it unless I buzz them in or a neighbour does. So essentially I should have the right to deny access to unwanted visitors. He is escorting her into my building for no reason other than to intimidate me. He does it when he drops my daughter back late (3 hours last time) I am really fed up of it as I find it disrespectful. Especially seen as the last time she turned up she pushed my door open and said she was coming into my flat!!!! It's not polite. And I find it unacceptable. What I am asking is if anyone knows what rights I have, if any.

OP posts:

NapQueen · 22/02/2017 15:26

You have a right to refusing her entry to your home. Not sure what your rights would be to refusing her entry to the building.

However the centre of all of this is ds and she is part of his life so is it really that bad that she drops him off?

Original poster

redkaybee · 22/02/2017 21:14

It's my dd. She isn't part of her life really. She does no parenting and hasn't been around long . The father dips in and out when he feels like it. And I don't think it's ok for her to accompany the ex to drop her at my front door when I have stated that she isn't welcome on my property and when she isn't required to assist in any way.
It's baiting - they are trying to wind me up. I never go to their home and would never in a million years turn up at their home with a new partner as it is rude and disrespectful of someone's privacy.
I am not required to have any contact with his new partner or any other partner who he drags through his life and I can't see why I should be expected to see her at my front door for no reason.
In my opinion it's absolutely uncalled for , has no reasoning behind it other than to try and upset me, is disrespectful of my wishes that my home is my space and private to me and my daughter unless I decide otherwise. It's an invasion of my privacy.

OP posts:

ladylambkin · 22/02/2017 21:17

Don't let it upset you then. Rise above it and continue to show a good example to your child. That's what matters nothing else

NapQueen · 22/02/2017 21:27

How is it possible for someone to enter the building and get right inside, right to your door, uninvited? Dont you have an intercom type system? If not, as a part owner, id insist on one. Then you can go meet dd at the door.

Original poster

redkaybee · 22/02/2017 22:05

I do have an intercom system - the ex brings her in - they come together like tweedle dum(b) and tweedle dee. She isn't required to handover. She just comes to make a point.
I don't see why I should have to rise above it. It's my home and I find it intrusive and upsetting. Rising above it isn't really an 'option'

OP posts:

Original poster

redkaybee · 22/02/2017 22:07

And if I go down to meet them at the door she will stand there like a lemon too - not sure what her issues are but it's either massive insecurity or she's just being disrespectful. I should have a right to say she is not required at handover

OP posts:

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 22:11

If they are doing it to get a reaction/intimidate you then your best chance of getting it to stop is to give no reaction at all. If he sees that it is working he will keep doing it. If he isn't getting the joy of seeing you upset and his girlfriend isn't edit her then he will get bored with the charade and girlfriend will get fed up of trekking out of the car and up the stairs every time. Really, your best option is to not give the reaction they very clearly want.

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 22:12

Edit her = either

NapQueen · 22/02/2017 22:13

Well they could be going somewhere together after the drop off. Honestly I think you ought to give your head a wobble.

If she and the ex remain together for a long time or forever they could end up giving your dd siblings, living all tigether, etc. It could end up this woman doing some of the drop offs alone etc.

Is it possible that she just thinks its best to meet and be on some sort of civil terms?

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 22:17

Well they could be going somewhere together after the drop off.

In OP's building? Like visiting her neighbour?

Starlight2345 · 23/02/2017 14:29

I have reread your posts.. I think you need to look at your feelings about this..His girlfriend presumably will be part of DD life. If she stands there like a lemon she is not intimidating..Sh e may well be insecure.

Unfortunately you don;t get to dictate everything. Ex has a right to who he wants to be there too. If you don't want her on the property then you have to go down and collect from the front door. However I think this is more about your feelings about ex and this woman than to do with anything else.

Original poster

redkaybee · 23/02/2017 20:38

So in theory I should be allowed to turn up on her doorstep for no reason?
It's not my head that needs a wobble - it's my private space and wishes for my private space that need respecting.
I am a single parent - I would never ever turn up on someone's doorstep like that regardless.
It's bizarre that no one seems to recognise that she actually doesn't need to be there and therefore should not be there and is there to show a presence. Which is exactly the kind of petty drama that I dumped when I dumped him.
So I think I'll just pop off and stand on her doorstep for no reason til she gets a bit fed up of me asking myself in!!! Seems like it is the done thing in this community!!!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 23/02/2017 20:43

The thing is that she probably thinks he's going to be overcome with lust when he sees you, so she's there just in case. Think of her as someone who's very secure and feel sorry for her - she hasn't exactly won a prize, has she?

If you feel like that I'd go downstairs each time instead of buzzing them in. I know what you mean - I would really hate it.

Angrybird123 · 24/02/2017 09:56

So take the drama out of it..just dont react. Neither of them need to come into your actual flat so no issue there. Just stand at the door, usher in dd and shut the door. If you really prefer you can do that down at the main front door so she's not in the building but you can't stop her accompanying him. My ex likes to parade OW around me whenever he can and for a while I really hated it but i realised that the more I showed the smug bitch it bothered me the more she liked it so now I have taken that power away by being utterly indifferent to her. For your own sake you need to start thinking about this differently. Not because they are right and you are wrong but just because it will give you a better outcome.

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