Pick up / drop off

[Mum4Fergus]

Can anyone tell me the guidelines re non resident parent pick up/drop off of DS. No formal arrangement in place, although he will receive a letter from my solicitor this week in regards to this. Solicitor advised me the NRP is responsible for picking up/dropping back of DS...

Issue is this - X picked up DS today and then text to say he will drop him off 3 hours earlier than planned tomorrow (he has booked a game of golf!)...I responded that I wouldn't be at home til agreed drop off time (I have hotel/concert booked tonight and with travel I can be back at house a half hour before DS is due...) X then text to say he will 'just leave DS somewhere tomorrow I can can go get him (DS is 6 by the way)...

Do I suck it up and cancel my plans?

I don't think there are any guidelines. I think the NRP doing the picking up and dropping off is most common but there's no set rule.

What does he mean he will just leave DS somewhere? With a relative/friend?

What appalling behaviour by your X. It sounds like you need to stand firm especially as you have plans. Presumably he won't really do what he's threatening?

Could you text back "you are responsible for DS's safety and wellbeing until [agreed pickup time] and if you 'just leave him somewhere' that is not adequate safe childcare for a 6 year old I shall be reporting you to the police for child neglect. See you at [agreed pickup time]"

Your ex sounds very unreasonable.
I think its on his time so his responsibility.

Update us please!

We have a rule that unless it is an emergency then the parent who would have the child either has to come to a mutually acceptable arrangement for other parent to have child back early/keep later or they have to arrange an alternative place for the child to be. This must be worked out in advance. Do not cancel your plans!!!!

Sorry - posted too soon. Otherwise he will think this behaviour is acceptable on both you and your child - no way is if acceptable. He's also trying to control your life in that you daren't make any plans in case he drops another bombshell, and that your time is worth more than his. I had this and pointed these things out. Went down like a lead balloon at the time and a lot of PA comments for the next few times I tried to plan a life outside of children for me, but I treated his behaviour as your would a petulant tantrum img toddler ie stay calm, repeat, ask why it is a problem, repeat reason why it is not acceptable, and refuse to argue, just stick to the facts. It took a while but it's sorted now.

Good luck!

then text to say he will 'just leave DS somewhere tomorrow I can can go get him

Depends where he's leaving him - with a grandparent, not a problem, in Starbucks, not so good!

Assuming it's the former, what has happened is that he's asked if you can change your plans, you've said no, so he's made alternative arrangements for your DS to be cared for until a parent is available. That's perfectly reasonable.

Unless he's expecting you to collect your DS from abroad, I don't think you'd have the support of a court if you challenged it - although in cases where pick up/drop off is an issue of high conflict, a court order can specify where a child is to be dropped/ collected. Even then, it rarely specifies a person who is doing the drop offs, so your ex could arrange for your DS to be returned to your home by taxi. Wouldn't you rather collect him yourself?

So I went with my plans but was up at crack of dawn to set off for home time be in time - have revised draft of solicitor letter due to go to him this week being very specific - off now to baton down the hatches for when he receives it 

Well done for sticking up for yourself. Hope you had a great evening out despite all this nonsense.