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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I keep putting xp off whe he asks to come over and see the kids

49 replies

nutcracker · 29/01/2007 13:04

It's wrong I know, as they kids do want to see him but I just find it so hard having him here and all he does is sit and talk to me, not do anything with the kids.

He wanted to come over last wednesday but I said no as it was parents evening and we were going to my mums in between appoinments. He was annoyed but I said the plans were already made and so it was tough.
He also wanted to come over last thursday, but dd2 has girls brigade and so I don't see the point if he won't even see her.

I know I am just making excuses though really, but me and the kids are doing fine at the mo, everything is going a bit better, i'm sorting out bills and stuff and applying for jobs, and the kids seem alot more relaxed generally and I don't want him coming over messing it up.

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 29/01/2007 13:55

He's an arse.

I definitely think you need to have a set day and time - take some control back.

Where's he living at the moment? Any chance he could take them back there if he won't take them out somewhere? Cook them a meal, as Lou says?

itsmeNDP · 29/01/2007 13:56

It must be really hard trying to remain neutral in front of the kids about this despite knowing what a waste of space he is and how much they (undeservedly?) love him.

lou33 · 29/01/2007 13:56

can i just say he sounds like a wanker

some men (including my ex) just dont deserve the privilege of having kids

WigWamBam · 29/01/2007 13:56

If he knows when he's going to see them, he has no excuse for not having the bus fare - one less pint when he's down the pub should do it.

He's their father; if he can't be bothered to save a couple of pounds for their bus fare he's not deserving of the name.

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2007 14:02

Oh I totally agree and if it were up to me than I wouldn't let him see them until he had a place where he could take them at least once a week, but thats not fair on the kids is it, and I don't want them to think I am stopping them from seeing him.

He would waste no time telling them that it was my fault he couldn't see them.

OP posts:

itsmeNDP · 29/01/2007 14:03

It would be the perfect guilt free getout clause for him, wouldn't it

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2007 14:04

Yep exactly, he could put all the blame on me and then carry on down the pub with his elder son and daughter (cos yes, he has always made sure he mantained contact with them).

OP posts:

lou33 · 29/01/2007 14:19

exh called when i was out on sunday and told dd1 that he had been texting me and emailing me and i was ignoring him, which is bullshit

he also said that i had his number so i could call him back when i got home with the other kids!

well firstly i am not paying for him to keep in touch with his kids when he pays not a penny towards them, and secondly i got rid of his number months ago

dd1 believed him til i told her she could check my phone if she wanted to

my point is, he probably will say shit to them over time, but they will eventually realise what is true and what isnt as time passes

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2007 14:21

True I suppose but Ds and Dd2 do tend to take what he says as gospel and that would worry me.

They are already annoyed that I won't let them ring him anymore, but he only has a mobile and my last bill was £25 more than normal because of it.

OP posts:

jenwa · 29/01/2007 14:23

You def sound better without him athough struggling to get him out of your life (obviously not completely because of your children) but he prefers you house and your home comforts rather than his bedsit but he made his bed so he should lye in it!!!

I can see what your saying, must be hard to know what to do. Could he maybe help by picking up children from school and brining them home to you, that way he does you a favour and gets time with children? Even maybe on odd occasion he had tea there? Or you may not want to cook for him! Is school walking distance? Does he drive?

lou33 · 29/01/2007 14:24

i understand, it's a whole bag of mess isnt it?

i'd so love to let them know the real side of him but i just cant, tho dd1 is a bit older so can understand somewhat more

he told dd1 his new baby is due in may

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2007 14:26

Lou, what is dd meant to do with that bit of info, throw a party.....how selfish of him.

Xp does drive but has no car. I have let him pick them up from school before now but again I can't really plan it as he never knows if he has any money.

OP posts:

jenwa · 29/01/2007 14:33

Sounds like it all depends when he wants to see them and at your cost and in your comfy home. Def would be with you on the making excusses although you have not really lied about anything, you are just carrying on in your life and proving you dont need him.

If he really wants to do something then he will have to put his hand in his pocket and make a proper arrangement. Even if it means not going to the pub, if he loved them enough surely he could do that. A pint is prob more expensive than the bloody bus fayre!

Your children will understand him as they become wiser.

lou33 · 29/01/2007 14:34

to be fair she did ask but it irks me that he pays nothing to us and is bringing another one into the world

as for your h, really he is a grown man, he has kids he needs to see, tell him he has to budget for seeing them and to stop pouring it down his neck instead

sadly i think he is too much like my exh and that his booze is more important?

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2007 14:40

Yeah I think you are right Lou. Xp reckons he is entitled to a few pints a week and to be able to go out.

Doesn't seem to think that I am entitled to a break though or that his kids are entitled to a proper dad.

Oh well, off to do the school run. Hope xp doesn't ring today cos the mood I am in, we will have a row.

OP posts:

lou33 · 29/01/2007 14:44

and the kids are entitled to a decent father who makes a decent effort

its all so sad isnt it?

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2007 18:17

Well xp rang about half hour ago, on his mobile too, so he obviously has money for that, which I don't.

He spoke to me spoke to dd1 and dd2 and then said his credit was running out, no mention of if he will see the kids this week ro not, just said he;d ring them again.

What a complete bastard, my kids deserve so much more than him.

OP posts:

lou33 · 29/01/2007 18:26

i'm sure you were with my exh

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2007 18:29

LOL they are frighteningly similar aren't they.

He spent £3.00 on that call, that would have brought him a day ticket to come and see his kids.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2007 18:31

He hasn't spoken to poor Ds since just after xmas.

Ds said to his nursery teacher that he hasn't got a daddy in his house anymore. His teacher who knows all about the situation and is a star, said that neither had she and ds seemed to find that a good enough explanation

He also found a pic of xp the other day and kept going back to look at it.....I have hidden it now.

OP posts:

lou33 · 29/01/2007 18:39

yeh he isnt thinking is he

poor ds

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2007 18:42

Oh well, hopefully over time they will all get used to the fact that he isn't to be relied upon, sad but true.

We are doing fine on our own and he so hates that but that just makes me more determined to make sure me and the kids have a good life without him.

OP posts:

compo · 29/01/2007 18:49

I think you're Nutty - when they are older they'll think he's pathetic not to have even busfare to take them anyway

jenwa · 29/01/2007 19:09

At least you are positive and can carry on and your children will appreciate you for that.
Sometimes children love to spend time out with daddies who are no longer at home as it is fun time and mummies are boring, doing mummy stuff, housework discipline etc. He does not even make the effort to get his children to do stuff with him, walks etc that dont cost much and he will miss out on it and your children will remember. Its ok to make a phonecall but maybe call to ask what they would like to do and when they would like to see him or better still when he would like to see them!!!
Men, pathetic!

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