What would you do

[mitsi31]

I'm a single mum to a wonderful daughter now about to move up to high school (feeling old now lol)
I've brought her up on my own with help from family and friends it's tough but worth it anyway my daughters dad was never interested although we were engaged at the time I fell pregnant we split after I refused to give up the baby but kept in contact though was mostly his family he didn't seem interested at all even when she was born
After 6 months I heard nothing from any of them no birthday cards for their granddaughter etc
He did try and contact a few times but this was years done the line at this point I wasn't interested but could you blame me
Recently our family has had some tough times had to give up my house I spent ages saving for due to unforeseen circumstances and I lost my dad to cancer
It's been years since her dad tried to contact me till a few months ago I got a message over google hangouts no idea why but I replied ( prob cause I'm not a bad person ) not once has he said sorry for leaving etc and only talks when it suits him could go weeks between messages
All I know from his side is he lost his mum and dad now I've learned has been diagnosed with breast cancer
Am I doing the right thing by talking to him again? Has anyone had this problem before?

Happy to answer any questions lol X X

I don't think it's right or wrong.
Has he asked to contact/see daughter? She's old enough to decide if so.
I suppose if you want to talk to him you should but in my honest opinion I don't think anything happy will come from it X

Generally I think it's never bad idea to have some contact with dads unless good enough reason not too. Does your daughter know? Only danger here is her getting interested and excited about contact then he flits out again. Never to late to realise you made a mistake but be honest with him about what he wants and guidelines over contact. Last thing your daughter needs is to be "dumped" all over again.

That's the thing he asks how iam and how she is but hasn't asked for contact at all last he seen her was when she was about 4-5 months
As it came as a shock to me I haven't told her as she doesn't ask why he's not around the way she sees it she's got me her gran and uncle
Sometimes I wonder what he really wants and why now after all these years

Maybe you should just ask him outright X

Sounds like he wants your shoulder for support/moan with stuff that's been going on. If it was me I would keep my distance so friendly but not rushing to reply etc. I would begrudge spending time if it wasn't adding value to my life in any way.

Ok that sounds mean but if he's not prepared to get to know daughter or presume get back with you then it's just random chat. Which would be ok except you don't want daughter to find out you messages couple times a week but he didn't want talk to her, that's going hurt as she gets older. Ask him about meeting daughter /talking if he's very cold feet then I would not encourage friendship any more

Have no idea what made me answer the message in the first place but I never message him don't give a lot of info out either and certainly dont rush to reply
Think I'm wanting him to admit he's done wrong etc don't see why I should ask
If it's a shoulder to cry on then then why me as he certainly wasn't about when I needed one