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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Suddenly feeling so scared of what's to come.

100 replies

messyoldmess · 07/01/2007 23:02

Things are starting to really move on now. I am trying to get things sorted, view possible houses, think positive etc, but even though I know this needs to move on, I am getting myself in a terrible state of fear thinking of moving house (which is traumatic enough at the best of times!) to start a new & unknown life as a single mother.
I have never lived alone or had to fend for myself before & I am petrified!
Getting myself in a state thinking about it.

OP posts:

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winnie · 08/01/2007 13:44

I should add I did not read the book looking ot fix my rlationship or with another relationship in mind (I am not at all ready for that) but I did read it with an open mind to learning something about how I behave in relationships and it was enlightening

messyoldmess · 08/01/2007 13:45

That book looks very interesting, winnie. Might have to purchase a copy for myself!

My first counselling session is THIS Thursday! I hadn't noticed the date properly when I first glanced at the letter!
Poor woman will be thinking "Oh no, not her again!!!"

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hurtwife · 08/01/2007 14:08

Hi mom
My split is recent but hasbeen coming for a while and i am not handleing it at all well. It was the usual - an affair - he didnt know what he wanted i waited and tried to give it another go - he was still lying through his teeth and has now gone. My head knows it is for the best but my body tells me different. I have a house move set up for the end of the month so i know i have to have a fresh new start. Just listened to the news and it said that today was the busiest day of the year for divorce lawyers!! Just made me cry again. I know i am only sad for losing the life i thought i was going to have but it is bloody awful. I have been having counselling and it does help - makes you see that what you are thinking is normal and may give you some ideas on how to change the way you see things. I havent been for a while and need some and have a session tomorrow so hopefully will feel a lot better by then
I feel stronger just knowing that i am not going throuhg this horrid time alone as i am sure you do too.

messyoldmess · 08/01/2007 14:22

Must be very hard for you, hurtwife. I'm sorry you are going through all this.
My situation is a bit different - there is no one else involved (not that I know of anyway!), but my H has quite bad temper & control issues, which just weren't getting any better, despite warnings, interventions from HV, getting him into anger management/counselling etc.
I have had counselling in the past because I was struggling at home. This will be my thitd round of sessions with this counsellor, over a 3 year period!

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tribpot · 08/01/2007 14:47

Did your H ever go to anger management MOM?

messyoldmess · 08/01/2007 15:09

Yes, he started going last January & had the minimum 6 sessions, saying he had covered more than enough. Thought it may have done some good at first, but soon found out nothing was going to change long term.
He keeps telling me how his counsellor thought all our problems were due to lack of communication!

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messyoldmess · 08/01/2007 19:07

Been to view a house, which seemed perfect for the boys & myself, but unless they come down £10,000, it is going to be slightly over my limit.
Feeling a tiny bit more positive about things, following the viewing though!

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mamama · 08/01/2007 19:13

Ooo, MOM... the house sounds promising. I'm sure once you have somewhere to live and can picture your life with the boys, things will be a bit easier. For me, at least, it's the not knowing & not being able to envisage a future that makes the next step so hard.

Hope the counselling goes well.

tribpot · 08/01/2007 19:36

That's good news MOM, hopefully there will be some wiggle room on the price - if not, perhaps you can tap your parents for the extra 10k - ha ha ha. (Would be worth it just to see the look on their faces I think!)

Btw, can't believe an anger management counsellor really thought the whole problem was communication - people don't get referred for anger management if they have the temperament of fluffy little kittens, do they?!

pinkbubble · 08/01/2007 19:46

Hi PC, that house seems promising- who went with you when you viewed it-do you need a 2nd opinion or viewing (hinthint. How far is it from your work? Wish I could do more for you feeling pretty useless at mo

messyoldmess · 08/01/2007 20:04

Ha ha, tribpot, can't quite see my parents handing over 10k for me to go against their wishes, but I bet they would hand over double that if I said I wanted to buy a house with H!!

PB, the house is in the very same road as the school!

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messyoldmess · 08/01/2007 20:07

PB - you're not being useless at all - you're being a star offering to drive me to counselling etc!
I might well take you up on your offer of a house viewing companion!

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bigknickersbigknockers · 10/01/2007 20:45

How are you MOM?
Hope you are ok

messyoldmess · 10/01/2007 22:42

Hi, BKBK.
I am back at work now & functioning a little better.
Have explained situation to the teacher I work with & she has been very understanding, telling me to put myself first & take time off if needed.
I am coping ok atm though, I think.
My counseling sessions start tomorrow, & much as I've had two rounds of them before, I am finding myself feeling rather nervous about tomorrows session!

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mamama · 11/01/2007 00:53

Good luck with the counselling, Messy.

Thinking of you

x

messyoldmess · 11/01/2007 08:26

Thanks, mamama.
I can't believe how nervous I'm feeling, as I've had lots of counselling in the past!
I think it's because I've had a 7 month break, where lots has happened & I'm worried I will get emotional spilling everything out.
I have to go straight back to work after, as it's in my lunch break, so I will try & stay as with it as possible!

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mamama · 11/01/2007 15:03

Let us know how you get on, messy x

messyoldmess · 11/01/2007 16:23

My counselling session went ok. I had to fill out a form first & was given a score at the end of it, which indicated I would benefit from some counselling, but was not so bad that they needed to refer me on for bigger things!
I feel quite comfortable with this counsellor, as I have been to her before (twice!), but found it quite tough having to open up about the last 7 months worth of stress in my life!
She can't see me for a couple of weeks now, as she is booked right up, but I am going back early Feb.

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messyoldmess · 11/01/2007 18:40

Told my counsellor about all the support I have received on here & she asked for more details of MN, so she could pass it on to those she feels would benefit from a bit of online support.

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mamama · 12/01/2007 18:41

Glad the counselling is all sorted out and that you have a lovely counsellor to talk to.

Hope things start to look brighter soon. Things here are getting worse but will hopefully all be over soon.

messyoldmess · 12/01/2007 19:58

Oh no, mamama, I'm sorry to hear that. What's up?

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glitterfairy · 15/01/2007 19:43

Messy and mamama how are you both?

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mamama · 15/01/2007 19:48

Hope things are ok, Messy.

Looks like I may be being drawn into a custody battle and H is just being really horrible and making things miserable.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself , I'm ok really!

glitterfairy · 15/01/2007 22:10

Keep strong it will work itself out. It is awful, hard and bloody but it does end honestly.

messyoldmess · 15/01/2007 22:23

Oh no, mamama! You poor thing - I'm not suprised you are feeling so down.
Is he just threatening you, do you think?

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