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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Weekends

22 replies

TwilightRabbit · 26/03/2016 11:00

Does anyone else find weekends especially tricky? My ex has the kids on a Friday night and Saturday day and I have them Sunday. I find the time on my own difficult - all my friends are in couples, and want family time then, so I'm on my own all the time. It's heightened at the minute as I've just split up with my DP after 6 years.
I only really know one other single mum, but she works Saturdays.
I'm someone who usually is pretty antisocial, and I love my own company, but not all the time.
What do you all do to combat this??

OP posts:
8FencingWire · 27/03/2016 08:10

Theoretically, I've been a lone parent for a long time. Think 90% of weekends and holidays on my own with the kid.
I can only dream of a lonely weekend.
I'd do the park run, clean in peace, batch bake, ride my bike, have a thorough browse through the shops. :)
Home pampering session.
Just enjoying the peace and recharge the batteries. :)

Original poster
TwilightRabbit · 28/03/2016 12:48

Yeah I do all that (apart from the running !) lonely isn't fun, believe me. I would love to have my kids all weekend.

OP posts:
8FencingWire · 28/03/2016 22:51

I believe you :)

BlackeyedSusan · 28/03/2016 23:18

I think there is a chance it will feel better as you get used to being single again. there will come a time when you will be glad of the time to meet people and friends. normal to feel lonely though and yes it is shit. and yes you must miss them a lot.

Original poster
TwilightRabbit · 28/03/2016 23:59

I've been a lone parent for 6-7 years now, and I've got used to not having full weekends with the kids, although it always seems unfair to everyone - nobody has a 'normal' weekend - the kids must feel it too, although they never say.
I was lucky to find a new DP relatively soon after my divorce, but the recent split has meant that I'm on my own again. I do love seeing friends etc, but when it's just me, people are having their own family time and I would be intruding.
It's hard isn't it?

OP posts:
trace321 · 29/03/2016 20:14

I completely am with you on this, recently however I have mine all weekend and get a couple of week nights to myself, I work in the day. I too don't want to intrude on my 'couple' friends. Ive found recently because of this new arrangement Ive spent ALOT of time on my own. It gets really lonely and I just never seem to feel content. I can only think it will get better with time.

Flowerpower41 · 31/03/2016 07:07

Can' you just learn to appreciate your own company? Or join a social group, develop a hobby or interest, so many things you could be doing ....

Original poster
TwilightRabbit · 31/03/2016 11:42

trace321 completely agree - it's not wanting to intrude on other's 'couple time' that makes the aloneness feel worse - irrationally that everyone else is having lovely family or couple time except us!

flowerpower41 - I DO appreciate my own company thank you - I'm not massively social anyway, and do enjoy time to myself, but sometimes it's just lonely. Not a massive amount of groups happen on a Friday night or a Saturday unfortunately - I do one group on a Saturday morning, but it's only 1x month. There aren't really many things I could be doing. Besides, it's the family time that I want, not random groups. I suppose some of it is the guilt of ending a marriage and this is the pay back!

During the week I spend most of the time either working, or ferrying the kids to classes/groups etc, so there's not time for me to go to anything.

I guess I just feel isolated sometimes.

OP posts:
PennyHasNoSurname · 31/03/2016 11:46

Is there any way you could do fri/sat/sun every other weekend? It seems incredibly tying giving up half a weekend every week. At least with a full weekend you could get away (with or without the dcs)?

Theb maybe up the weekday evenings?

Original poster
TwilightRabbit · 31/03/2016 11:50

Penny not a chance - I've suggested that many times over the years to exDH, as I thought it would give us both the opportunity to spend better quality time with the kids - take them away for weekends, less pressure on the kids to have FUN on the one day with each parent etc etc. Apparently that suggestion meant I was selfish, thoughtless and a bitch to suggest he doesn't see the kids every weekend Hmm
Ex has 1 weekday evening, but won't up it anyway because of the travel involved (30 mins away). It was 2, but he dropped one.

OP posts:
PennyHasNoSurname · 31/03/2016 11:55

Honestly id insist - is this something that can be court ordered? If you work ft it means you get one full day per week to see your kids - thats so unfair!

RudeElf · 31/03/2016 11:57

I feel ya OP. It took a long time for me to get used to DC being away at weekends, even though it was just eow for us. I felt completely lost tbh. I had no idea how to fill my time. Being a LP meant i had lost touch with the things i enjoyed doing before DC as had no time to myself. Then all of a sudden i had time to myself but hadnt a clue what i wanted to do with it. Ive gotten used to it but still struggle to find company at weekends. DC dad stopped seeing them two months ago and i have to say I have really enjoyed having them here at weekends to go and do things with.

Original poster
TwilightRabbit · 31/03/2016 11:59

to be honest, it's been like this for years now. He took me to court for so long about the finances (unreasonable to ask to stay in the house for 3 years until the kids changed schools apparently!), and then about sending them on holiday without him - I can't face more court proceedings, I'm worn out with them. Besides I know a court wouldn't want to get involved really unless I stopped contact - and even then, it would just be a 'reasonable contact' order. He's very good at appearing reasonable.

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Original poster
TwilightRabbit · 31/03/2016 12:02

RudeElf - it's the having time to yourself, but no-one you know is free as well to share it with you that gets me! I love the weekends that the ex can't have them (usually away with his wife - he's never taken the kids away for a weekend. Ever :( ) because we get to go and have adventures, and I guess because they're not all the time, it makes it more special.

OP posts:
RudeElf · 31/03/2016 12:13

Yep, i feel exactly the same. Everyone has their own family stuff at weekends. I have a single mum friend but between her ex and my ex being dicks and not turning up for contact, neither of us could ever manage to plan a day together for company. Her EX also had a nasty habit of turning up to take the DC on what should be her weekend with them and she would find herself suddenly 'free' but try finding someone else who hasnt got plans already at 11am on a saturday. She spent a lot of time walking on her own.

Original poster
TwilightRabbit · 31/03/2016 13:41

That sounds very familiar RudeElf . I've wondered about walking on my own, but irrationally worried about 'what if I had a heart attack and nobody found my twitching corpse for weeks' Blush

OP posts:
RudeElf · 31/03/2016 13:46

Funny thats a concern of my friend's as well. Sad

Original poster
TwilightRabbit · 31/03/2016 13:51

We should start a walking group where it's staggered starts, so that you still feel like you're on a solitary stroll, but there are always going to be people coming past. The last one in the group carries a defibrillator and a satellite phone Grin

OP posts:
RudeElf · 31/03/2016 14:18

Grin love it!!

Flowerpower41 · 01/04/2016 07:03

Perhaps the answer is to just try to plan an outing on the Sunday so you have that to look forward to on the Saturday.

At least you have some time to rest many don't .....

Original poster
TwilightRabbit · 01/04/2016 09:48

Flowerpower41 I'm sorry that you don't get time to rest - it's pervasively exhausting isn't it? I've been there too (running a business FT including working nights, with 2 small kids, a dying father and a DH who worked away) and you could cry from exhaustion sometimes, and yes I envied people who had time to themselves. I probably had no idea how lonely they may have felt though.

I realise I am lucky in a way to get time to myself, but it is lonely. I do plan outings etc for Sundays, but that doesn't really get around the problem. I suspect some of it is sadness that we don't have a 'normal' family life (whatever that is these days!)

OP posts:
Flowerpower41 · 02/04/2016 08:54

Twilight I get time to rest as ds is now 11. It is when they are younger it is hard going.

Offering hope to people reading this out there!

Yes can imagine you feel a spare part Saturdays I think I would try and do an exercise class or something to get out and mix.... Just an idea.

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