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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Dating as a single parent

19 replies

WanderlustSue · 29/12/2015 16:12

I've been single for a while now and have decided to get back into the dating scene Blush but now being a single parent not sure where to start. I joined a dating site but haven't had any luck at all, just messages from much older men. All friends are married/coupled up and I don't get much chance to go out. It's been such a long time since I last dated someone before ex I've forgotten how people meet! Just wondering how you met a new partner after separation/divorce. Good/bad experiences - please share them all. Thank you.

OP posts:
InvoluntaryCelibacy · 29/12/2015 16:21

watching This thread because I'm in the same position and wouldn't mind hearing some success stories too :p

Goodbetterbest · 29/12/2015 20:41

I ended my 15 year marriage and had a look around online dating 6 months later. 10 months on I'm still seeing the first and only man I met. He seems to be a good 'un too.

Goodbetterbest · 29/12/2015 22:41

Sorry. My overwhelmingly smug post suffocated your thread Blush

Patheticfallacy · 29/12/2015 22:46

I have 3 dc aged 6-9. When my marriage ended I started online dating. It took a couple of false starts and a lot of first dates, but after 18 months of online dating I met the loveliest man. He has a little boy of his own. I'm madly in love with him and he is with me. We have been together almost a year and I am extremely happy. It isn't always easy and there were times when I wondered if it was too difficult to meet someone when you have children, but thankfully I was wrong.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 30/12/2015 20:10

GoodFor, I'm also still with the first and only man I met OLD.

EternalSunshine820 · 31/12/2015 00:26

Wanderlust I'm with you, joined a couple of OLD sites, I'm in my 30s but just seem to get messaged by one late 40s guy or something.. I'm done with dating older guys (became a LP by stupidly seeing a 40-something divorcee).. I assume it must be my profile pic and text but no idea what to write differently. The older guys are gross too, always look even older than they claim to be and can see they're not the sort to look after themselves, yeurgh. They must just be fishing.

InvoluntaryCelibacy · 31/12/2015 12:41

I wouldn't mind an older guy. the younger guys I've seen are too rapey. (someone will get offended by that word but what I mean is just really really pushy and emotionally abusive in order to get sex).

everything I write gets called vile anyway I'm ready for you this time!

Flowerpower41 · 31/12/2015 13:16

Just baffles me why anybody would want a bloke again. But then that is just me. Not missing the bother of it whatsoever after 11 years of single!!

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 31/12/2015 13:33

Another one who met DP online! Three years ago and he was about the 4/5th man I met up with, others were mostly from the same site (POF Shock) and mainly very nice blokes, just not for me.

He is 4 years younger than me and utterly lovely. He has his own DCs too so our life is a little complicated and not without its ups and downs, but it's 95% ups Smile

BlueBlueBelles · 02/01/2016 18:29

Met my DP online on POF too. Was on my own for four years, met a couple of guys through the site after a couple of years but nothing serious. Met DP 2.5 years ago and am amazingly blissfully sickeningly happy.

I had two young DS (one 5, one 7 when we met) but he was great at weekend dates when I had sitters, sneaking over when they were in bed and sneaking home again etc. he has a son too, many a Saturday night I went over at 10pm and drove home at 3am fuelled with coffee and sneaky songs on his sofa.

Goodbetterbest · 02/01/2016 23:53

I find it incredibly difficult navigating a new relationship around the children. They know I'm dating him, and (now) I'm open about seeing him when I go out but as far as they are concerned I haven't spent a night with him yet.

It's difficult also as XH won't have all the children at the same time at his house. So I either get a sitter for dates or xH stays at mine to look after the kids (hate it - and it is weird when I'm all dressed up and go out to meet my boyfriend) so I can have a night away. XH has a gf and is free to do what the fuck he likes, no deception, no planning, no sitters. Makes my piss boil.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 04/01/2016 19:17

Blimey that sounds dreadful, Good.

My ex kind of forced my hand, by telling ds that I was seeing someone. They (ds and boyf) met way, way sooner than I'd have liked ordinarily, but that given ex talked to ds about how I was staying nights with my fancy man (ffs!) it felt reasonable. I wanted ds to see that he was alright, and treated me well unlike his father

Reading that back, it sounds ridiculously irresponsible, childish and naive of me but thankfully it hasn't come back to bite me on the arse.

TheTigerIsOut · 05/01/2016 03:24

Take it easy. I think POF is like a big mirror, if you treat other people and yourself with respect you attract the respect you want. I never had any problem in POF, the only thing that I was not happy about is that there are many prople there who have been there for years, and are quick to metaforically press the "next" button if they have not felt the proverbial "click" within the first 5 minutes of meeting up. So I would say that if what you want is a serious relationship, the lenght of the previous relationship they had, as well as how long they have been single are good indicators about how good they are when it comes to put in the work that a relationship needs.

I do not have any family in the country, and although I had many friends who offered to babysit there was no way to have enough offers to date regularly. Babysitters are expensive (or are so at least for me). So, I would say that I didn't have many dates but I met for lots of coffees during the day with a number of very good guys who were not exactly a good match but some of them have turned into fantastic friends with no benefits Smile.

Do not discount older guys, I understand where you are coming from as I thought the same as you and refused to date anyone who was more than 6 years older than me but I have now a boyfriend who is 12 years older than me and it is heaven, I am a little bossy (well... Quite bossy) and very practical so I am grateful to be to the side of a man who doesn't need to be mothered. He is also great with DS, he has older children and is very understanding of DS' needs and doesn't make a mountain out of a molehill when DS misbehaves. Hr is also into sports so I am ashamed to confess tgat when it comes to being on goodbshape, he wins no doubt...

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 05/01/2016 09:55

I didn't meet them in real life, but I had some good chats with a couple of nice men on POF, who showed me the ropes. And lots of invitations (which I politely declined!) from men old enough to be my father, or young enough to be my son Hmm Grin

All in all it really wasn't the horror story I'd been led to believe.

WavingNotDrowning · 05/01/2016 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grobagsforever · 04/02/2016 18:45

I have my kids all the time (husband died) and I met a lovely guy on my second online date. He has three kids of his own who he spends lots of time with. He comes over when kids are in bed and leaves before they wake. Six months in now and thinking I might consider introducing him to my kids in the spring. We have massive respect for each others boundaries, work and seperate social lives. Get very little time together but this is how it has to be until we're both ready to involve kids. I figure he's the good karma the universe owes me :-)

jazzybelle12 · 09/03/2016 10:02

I have mixed feelings about online dating I think it depends which site you use though. I was a single parent for 2 and a half years thought I'd try match.com. Some chancers on there only after one thing, so be careful ☺ but it helped me get out there again. I ended up meeting my lovely - now fiance down the pub. Good luck xx

ittooshallpass · 16/03/2016 05:17

I have had only bad experiences with OLD.

The men who contact me are usually at least 20 years older than me. The men in my own age range are not in the slightest bit interested.

I'm told it's a numbers game. With an ex who has DD sporadically (with no set pattern), no support locally and babysitters too expensive to contemplate I just don't have the free time needed to date properly never mind 'get through the numbers'.

I have tried match and elite singles with no luck. The latest 3-month stint on elite was dreadful. Not a single date or even a decent conversation.

I don't really know what to do next. I think I've gone into shut down mode because I find the fact that I am going to be alone for the rest of my days too daunting.

NessieNoo2 · 30/04/2016 22:27

I'm really struggling with this too, been OLD off and on for last 5 years with two relationships, but neither were right. My big worry now is my DD8, I'm on my own with her all the time and I don't want her to grow up thinking every guy leaves :(
I'm doing something wrong though as I've never met anyone who would be prepared to start a relationship but hardly being able to see each other. I can't imagine them just coming over for a few hours in the night and being OK with that for several months. But it's great to hear that it can happen and does work - I guess that's the difference between the amazing guys and the just OK ones.
I am despairing that I can't give my DD the 'proper' family she would so love and that I will always be alone.

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