Late again!!!

8 replies

Hawest1 · 06/12/2015 10:16

So today is 'dads day' & as usual we are all sitting here fm ready to go & no sign of him!
Even after I text him to say 'please be on time I need to be away quick today' (I have a friend taking me xmas shopping etc)
But oh no!! As usual my plans are put on hold for him every. Single. Time!!!
I try to call & his phone is off.
He picked these days & times & still can't fucking be here on time!!

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Penfold007 · 06/12/2015 10:36

You need to change your tactics with him and take the power away from him.
Keep a diary of his lateness, lack of contact and any failed appearances. If he's half an hour late without contacting take the children out. Make no fuss and don't contact him, just take them out. When he does contact you very calmly say you thought he wasn't coming as he failed to get in touch. Repeat as necessary.

It will be tough and a PITA for you.

Ekorre · 06/12/2015 11:03

What Penfold said. Let him know beforehand that this is the set up and do it. You don't need to justify it just say, "From now on if I haven't heard from you 30 mins after agreed pick up time conatct is off for the day." Yes it is a mega pain as your plans will be disrupted but you cannot let him constantly treat you like this.

It is for your child's benefit because when/if they are at an age to process it, how do you think constant lateness will make them feel? If he can turn up on time for work, doctors appointment etc he can sure as shit manage it for his child.

You shouldn't have to beg him to be on time because you have plans, its just basic decency, bar the odd emergency. How would he like it if you dropped dc off an hour late with no warning?

Original poster

Hawest1 · 06/12/2015 13:03

He only got to choose his own days because he kept saying the ones I chose were unsuitable. So I thought if he picked his own there would be no more excuses.... How wrong was I!?
He's never on time! On a Friday when the kids go for a sleepover he's supposed to get them at 5pm, the last 3 times its been 5.50pm before he's at the door.

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BlackeyedSusan · 08/12/2015 14:21

well, 5.50 is not too bad... which means I have got so used to ex being well over an hour late when he was due here, not that it is not bad.

dd has worked out that he is often late. has little patience for waiting for him. we get on with what we are planning and wait for him to turn up. ds is more bothered. the less time I have to spend with him the better.

Original poster

Hawest1 · 08/12/2015 16:51

Aw it's been worse than that before, that's just recently.
He made my 3yo late for his own birthday party all the guests were there & had been playing for at least 45mins before my son was there. I felt dreadful!
He's tried to swap this weekend & even me explaining that I need this weekend to relax (seriously stressed out so ordered by doctor to at least try to relax before I see him again next week) & also the fact he knows this is the last time they boys are away before xmas so I wanted to decorate their room (as that is their present from me) but oh no his 'darts' is far more important

I just wish he would think about someone else's need la before his own. my boys actually enjoy spending time away with him but these days it's cut short or swapped around far too often because of him being so selfish.

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Sunflowersmiling · 10/12/2015 06:54

Oh feel so for you. I've had to deal with this for years. I've only ever once driven off and then he called to demand to know where I was and threatened to come over (he's not allowed at ours). Me and DS had been stood waiting for an hour when I left. It was so threatening I never drove off again. I kept diary...no one's interested. That's the reality. Just give your child lots of love and be the reliable nuturing parent. They will grow up and make their own minds up about their dad. Sadly you can't change an arsehole....only support your child as they grow to manage their feelings about having unreliable dad.

Best of luck. Keep smiling xx

Original poster

Hawest1 · 11/12/2015 09:19

I exploded the other day, not even at him (cause he's not allowed my phone number because of previous abusive texts etc) his poor mum got the brunt of it. I explained I've been having some health issues due to stress & really needed them to pull their weight as that was one of the things stressing me out.
Since then he has been on time if not early for pick ups & drop offs are on time. Hopefully it continues this time! He usually sorts it out for a week or 2 then back to his usual late annoying self. Tonight is the night of the sleepovers so we will see if he's on time or not, it's usually now he is super late even tho he finishes work a lot earlier on a Friday.

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AlisonWunderland · 11/12/2015 09:24

It sounds like he knows it winds you up and is doing it on purpose

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