Ex mil and son

[mytimewillcome]

I'd like to know what you'd think about this. I hate my ex mil. She is a large part of why I split with exh. False allegations to social services and a lot of lying on her part. She and exh and her h have just taken my 5 year old on holiday and he has come back saying that she told him mummy lies. This is not an isolated incident and I have warned them about appropriate conversations with my son. This was basically about a conversation I had with my son about me getting grey hair and I said that it happens when you get older and that exs mum and my mum both have grey hair and colour it. Son obviously told her just part of the story and that was her response. For what it's worth she is almost 70. I worry about her repeatedly saying these things to my son and what effect it will have on him in the future. I want stop overnights but need to know if that is the right course of action.

I can see what you're getting at but I can also see it just being badly handled by your ex MIL - "Mummy says your hair is grey really", "Nooo, don't be silly, this is my real hair colour" sort of thing.

Stopping overnights is completely over the top. There's a book called Divorce Poison which is really handy for understanding how to handle situations like this where the other parent (or other carer) is manipulating the child. The important thing is that your son isn't put in the middle of the conflict and left feeling like he needs to chose sides.

pick your battles.

support your ds to make sense of adults - adults do lie eg santa claus and white lies eg oh thank you for the lovely present! (being polite = lying on occasions) you have to teach him how to negotiate the world which does include "lies" from many people.

it wasn't for you to tell him that his grandmas dye their hair - leave it to them to tell him or not! that generation might not want to be open about it!

did he have a nice time on holiday? did he come back clean and fed and happy?

I think it's more the language used. 'Your mummy told a lie'. she has consistently lied about everything and deflects her lying by accusing me of being a liar. I feel that she is chipping away at the trust my son has in me. I think it's all very emotionally manipulative and the long game is to weaken the bond between me and my son. I might read that book Bellemere. Thanks.

She can try but she's very unlikely to succeed. I wouldn't worry. Encourage your son to think for himself, that's the best way