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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

What do you lot think about this idea of giving lone mothers the right to do CRB checks on a potential partner?

42 replies

WhizzBangCaligula · 19/11/2006 12:42

Does anyone else find this a bit wierd? I can't find any links to the story today, but on Friday I think it was, the Home Office suggested lone parents might have the right to do a CRB check on someone they're thinking of setting up home with "if they have good reason to".

Er, what would a "good reason" be then? Surely if you had any doubts about a prospective partner, you wouldn't touch them with a barge pole anyway?

I'm a bit bemused by this. What do others think?

OP posts:

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gothicmama · 19/11/2006 13:00

I guess it's if you are concerned they are with you because you are a lone parent paedophiles are known to target lone mothere /parents in order to get access to kids (not necessarily those of their partner)think it's a good idea after you crb checks are in lace for other adults your child meets with in school, clubs child minders etc.

JanH · 19/11/2006 13:27

Agree completely, C. They were talking about this on Any Questions yesterday and the "good reason" thing seems to make the whole thing pointless because of how devious and skilful so many paedos are.

It seems to me that if it was an available option without "good reason", so that any single mother could ask for a clearance on any man she was thinking of getting seriously involved with and the men knew that, it would protect a lot more people.

JanH · 19/11/2006 13:28

Oh, and one of the callers to Any Answers suggested that the man would be asked if he was OK with the search going ahead - if he said no then the woman could draw her own conclusions.

colditz · 19/11/2006 13:28

Presumably, 'good reason' would mean 'partner is moving in'.

Sounds likle a bloody good idea to me, and I think single fathers should also have this option.

JanH · 19/11/2006 13:30

Well no, from what was said on AQ it would mean "good reason to have doubts" - in which case, as Caligula said, you'd be backing off anyway, wouldn't you?

Booboobedoo · 19/11/2006 13:31

The first thing that struck me is how betrayed the new/potential partner would be if they found out. I'm not sure how I'd feel about a new partner mentioning they'd run a police check on me to make sure I wasn't a kiddy-fiddler. It would kill the magic, I feel...

OTOH, my LO hasn't been born yet, so I have no idea what lengths I would go to to protect him once he's here.

Fattymumma · 19/11/2006 13:31

a CRB check only confirms any convictions or cautions, it doesn't tel you if that person has peadophilic tendancies.

colditz · 19/11/2006 13:39

I would be fine having a check run on me. I would totally understand

Booboobedoo

If anyone threatens your baby when he/she arrives, you will rip ou7t their chest and stamp gleefully on their still twitching heart. No joke!

Booboobedoo · 19/11/2006 13:42

Colditz

Have already noticed my inner tiger making an appearance.

Someone shoved me in a bar last night, and I actually growled at them. No words, just a growl.

They looked taken aback.

No-one messes with my bump.

Original poster

WhizzBangCaligula · 19/11/2006 22:12

Hmm, the problem is that "good reason" doesn't mean what a normal person would understand by good reason (like moving in together).

It sounds like it means that someone has a good reason to suspect that someone might have a conviction.

In which case, you wouldn't be with him, so what's the point of it?

I'm sure if it were brought in, it would eventually become mandatory (otherwise social services might decide to find you of interest). And then we could extend it to all other couples as well. And then to everyone who ever comes into our house. And then to all shopkeepers, or any mad old bat who ever talks to our kid in the street...

I think there's something not quite right about it, but I can't quite put my finger on what it is. Am hoping someone will tell me.

OP posts:

Cappuccino · 19/11/2006 22:14

is there also some check that they could do on his ability to clean a toilet?

maybe there should be some kind of academy to handle it all - CRB checks, garbage-putting-out skills, etc etc

Original poster

WhizzBangCaligula · 19/11/2006 22:17

Well, quite.

OP posts:

Pammylou72 · 20/11/2006 16:07

So say you ask a bloke to be checked and he agrees and is found in the clear - what kind of relationship is he then going to have with your kids? He'll be paranoid everytime he so much as looks at them.

nikkie · 20/11/2006 20:02

I have to admit to the fact that last couple of blokes I have been interested in were both in education and I felt safe with them because they had been checked (they wouldn't be doing the job if they had any violence etc)

Do think that all blokes should come with references though!

WideWebWitch · 20/11/2006 20:13

lol Capp. Had a drunken conversation with a girlfriend recently where we decided a new offence - 'being a c*t' - ought to be created

I think there are several things wrong with this proposal. One, the legal system is built on presumption of innocence so this rather seems to go against that: it supposes that you might like to check someone out before they've remotely done anything. And as fm says, it would only pick up those convicted wouldn't it, not those with intent. Also, and I've forgotten what my also was as ds just started trying to read over my shoulder and my mind's gone blank. bugger.

WideWebWitch · 20/11/2006 20:15

Oh I know, it's all about blame and someone always having to be responsible when a person does something awful, so we'd be closer to the CRB being sued because they gave some tosser a clean bill. I had more but ds is bothering me again so will put him to bed and come back if I remember what I was going to say.

winnie · 21/11/2006 10:26

I think it is a really bad idea. Also agree with the presumption of innocence point WWW made. I also think it would be the thin end of the wedge and wonder where it would end. If one has good reason to think a CRB check needs to be done surely one would be backing off and steering clear anyway(?) Furthermore, it could also give lone parents a false sense of security and secondly it is just another idea that adds to a society that is weighted down with suspicion and paranoia imho.

Pammylou72 · 21/11/2006 13:52

i totally agree. it's not going to reduce abuse just increase paranoia. society needs to find a way to effectively treat paedophiles. we can't just lock our kids away and think that that will stop abuse happening

turquoise · 21/11/2006 14:05

Totally agree with OP, that if I had any glimmer of doubt then i wouldn't want anything to do with the man. Also agree re: paranoia etc.
I do think though, that raising awareness that the massive majority of abuse is from family members, friends etc (and particularly stepfather figures) is no bad thing.

Original poster

WhizzBangCaligula · 21/11/2006 16:22

Agree it's a good thing that awareness is raised about this, but I also wonder if it's going to be used as yet another stick with which to beat lone parents.

Actually, I've just hit upon why I don't like it (I knew posting about it on Mumsnet would lead me to the reason in the end...) It's that. I think it could lead to a climate of lone mothers being considered bad mothers if they get themselves a boyfriend. And even worse mothers if they get a boyfriend they don't CRB check.

OP posts:

Pammylou72 · 21/11/2006 16:36

totally agree whizzbang - it's all about fear

also think this kind of thing is really bad for men in general. so many men I know are really wary of having contact with children other than my own. a friend of my parents was rubbing suncream on his eight year old grand daughter and she said 'you can't do that, it's abuse'. i think all of this fear about paedophile is really unhealthy for children

Original poster

WhizzBangCaligula · 21/11/2006 16:53

Yes, the idea that you have to produce a certificate proving you're not an abuser in the field of human relationships (as opposed to work or volunteering with vulnerable groups) is quite frightening imo. It does encourage all of us to be scared of each other.

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 21/11/2006 20:40

Absolutely agree Caligula and pammylou about fear, ridiculous overblown paranoia and yet another stick with which to beat women who aren't in a relationship but have children.

rainbowgirl · 25/11/2006 00:04

i actually think it is not a bad idea. think it is intended to give power to lone parents not increase paranoia. after all, nobody is suggesting that the checks be compulsory. sometimes you can know someone on one level and not at all on another.. if you've been bruised a few times it might actually make you feel safe.

Chocolate1000 · 16/02/2007 23:08

Hi sorry to butt in here but this isn't actually law yet? Had a family debate about this tonight.....

I don't think a third party can get someone else CRB checked without their consent and if you had doubts would you be with that person anyway??!

Know this is a contentious topic for a newby on a site but I am a genuine, not a troll .

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