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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Contact and twunt

84 replies

NobleLocks · 09/07/2015 07:56

My ex is a twunt of the highest order, I took him to court for a court order.
Dd now goes two weekends a month and I drop her and off nearly 3 hours away on a Saturday afternoon and she is back by tea time in the Sunday.
My latest issues are:
1)he drops he off the Sunday and we don't hear from him until next contact. I say we I mean DD. did aged 3 asked me last night 'why doesn't daddy want to talk to me on the phone? Does he not love me?'

  1. I work, I'm a parents and I'm a student. He later
OP posts:
Original poster
NobleLocks · 09/07/2015 07:57

Sorry too soon

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Original poster
NobleLocks · 09/07/2015 07:59

He works. I work the night I don't have dd, but my boss likes to know the time. Twunt messes with the time and location and won't let me know until a Friday night. Despite me asking since a Wednesday!

AIBU to find this infuriating. He bends the rules but not enough for me to go to court without looking petty.

I've a feeling he only sees dd due to his mum and their morals somewhat lacking
I've offered the chance to walk away, to stay and keep seeing her, so whatever but just stop hurting her.

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foolonthehill · 09/07/2015 11:59

you can't make him reasonable. You can only protect yourself from his behaviour.

is there someone who could sit with DD on your work night so you can be definite about what is happening for your boss?. Her DF either turns up of he doesn't.

PS if he knows if affects you then he is even more likely to mess about (IME)

Going to court won;t help. they have given him the opportunity to see DD they can't force him to

Original poster
NobleLocks · 09/07/2015 13:47

I know your right, it's just so annoying.
Why does he have to do everything so last minute?? Is it on purpose?

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foolonthehill · 09/07/2015 15:39

probably.

that's why you have to run your life without relying on him....

the less it affects you the less messing around there will be.

never let him know that you want him/need him to have DD...just facilitate it when it happens. that way eventually it may become about seeing her rather than you.

sorry I'm a bit jaundiced

Original poster
NobleLocks · 09/07/2015 16:11

I Just have to sit and wait then.... Great

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mojo17 · 09/07/2015 17:07

Could you email or text him to say as from next week/next contact that if doesn't turn up you will give him 15 minutes twenty minutes (your decision) and then will have to carry on with your plans.
Put it as a problem for your dc not you as in you are sure that he will understand that the disappointment of him not turning up/not seeing her beloved father is so great that you have to do something to distract her from her hurt and pain

foolonthehill · 09/07/2015 21:27

I am sorry it is TOTALLY unreasonable....because he is ToTally unreasonable and unfortunately nothing we can do/say will make him reasonable...

detach, detach, detach and hope and pray that he eventually steps up for your DD's sake.

Flowers for you

Original poster
NobleLocks · 10/07/2015 07:08

Thank you, it's just I hate this feeling that he can still dictate and control my life somewhat!

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foolonthehill · 10/07/2015 10:20

Yes.

I hate that feeling too.

Original poster
NobleLocks · 11/07/2015 07:50

So he confirmed last night that he's having dd at 1.30pm

But this morning he is refusing to do the petrol money stating I have enough money. He doesn't have to pay it despite it being court ordered.

What the hell do I do?

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Lweji · 11/07/2015 07:57

Firstly, you and DD should get reasonable warning. Tell him what that is, if not remulated by the court, and stick to it. No confirmation of time, no contact.

Second, he doesn't get in by the agreed time and you put her at alternative child care, and no contact.

Third, if that is an issue, no petrol money no contact.

It worked for me.
Otherwise you will be letting him mess you and DD around, yes.

Lweji · 11/07/2015 07:58

Regulated, even.

Original poster
NobleLocks · 11/07/2015 08:36

Your exactly right, it's nice to have the confirmation that I'm not actually unreasonable!
3 fucking long years!

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Elfdoor · 11/07/2015 22:08

They do a very good job of making us out to be the controlling mothers who are spoiling their fatherhood rights when in fact they behave like children trying to get there own way over everything.
I agree set out your terms and stick to it, if he threatens court fine but the court expect consistency for the child, times should be set out unless good reason not to be. Put the ball back in his court tell him your terms, if he fails to comply then contact can not be facilitated and he will have to return to court to vary the arrangement. Court will expect him to stick to a plan and not cause a detriment to your employment.

My ex did that, turn around at a days notice saying he wasn't having kids that weekend even though I was/should have been working. I changed my work and child care so I didn't need him to have them to work, he could not control me any longer.

Starlightbright1 · 12/07/2015 17:51

Another voice here suggesting you find a way to take the control out.

He probably loves the control.

The why doesn't he talk to me on the phone I would just gloss over ...

Original poster
NobleLocks · 12/07/2015 20:11

He's just dropped her home. Yelled at me, shoved me and turned threeyear old against me.
Meanwhile he decided to shunt dd around the country in this heat for no reason than to enter a running competition, leaving did with the spectators while he joined in.

Pushed in my house helped himself to my toilet and my cupboards to get a drink and when I protested screamed that he had had enough of my nonsense all in front off dd who I now can't get to bed.......

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Original poster
NobleLocks · 12/07/2015 20:12

He's just dropped her home. Yelled at me, shoved me and turned threeyear old against me.
Meanwhile he decided to shunt dd around the country in this heat for no reason than to enter a running competition, leaving did with the spectators while he joined in.

Pushed in my house helped himself to my toilet and my cupboards to get a drink and when I protested screamed that he had had enough of my nonsense all in front off dd who I now can't get to bed.......

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Lweji · 12/07/2015 20:18

Right.
Report the shove to the police.
Report the house invasion against your will.
Report the screaming.

Then, tell him that, given his behaviour, he must arrange someone else to deal with hand overs. Or get someone else to be there at the same time.

Starlightbright1 · 12/07/2015 20:20

I would be conacting a sols.. A stranger cannot b e responsible for your 3 year old. He also has no right of entry. I would be sorting these issues out before anymore contact

fuzzywuzzy · 12/07/2015 20:21

Don't let him in the house. Can you have someone (big, scary, male) to be around at drop offs for a while?

Call the police and tell them he assaulted you and stole from you and scared your child and you.

Original poster
NobleLocks · 12/07/2015 20:31

I just feel like a drama queen!
I'm more upset about dd being left like that, it's just not on.

There's a court order In place which I applied for its done okay ish for a year but looks like I need to refer it back Confused

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Lweji · 12/07/2015 20:49

Yes, make sure any agreement does its best to protect you and your child from his manipulation and violence.
Although you could let him go to court himself if he can be bothered.

Original poster
NobleLocks · 12/07/2015 20:52

Ah see as there's already a contact order in place that I applied for it won't look favourably on me should I force him to go back to court

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Lweji · 12/07/2015 20:55

But he is the one fucking it over.

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