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Lone parents

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Original poster

Contact and twunt

84 replies

NobleLocks · 09/07/2015 07:56

My ex is a twunt of the highest order, I took him to court for a court order.
Dd now goes two weekends a month and I drop her and off nearly 3 hours away on a Saturday afternoon and she is back by tea time in the Sunday.
My latest issues are:
1)he drops he off the Sunday and we don't hear from him until next contact. I say we I mean DD. did aged 3 asked me last night 'why doesn't daddy want to talk to me on the phone? Does he not love me?'

  1. I work, I'm a parents and I'm a student. He later
OP posts:
foolonthehill · 12/07/2015 21:25

Don't run scared...he's the one in the wrong.

Report the physical assault and the forced entry to your home...
You could probably take out a non-molestation order based on this alone.

insist on a public handover of DD preferably via a third party (maybe contact centre) if you have a contact order in place you don;t have to dispute the contact...just the means of handover. A judge could rule on this separately if necessary...but a stiff solicitors letter and a signed agreement would probably be enough.

it is not your fault and although I have had horrors with courts and an abusive ex myself don;t buy into the line that you will be seen as obstructive.

make sure this is the last time he gets to push you around...

so sorry op

Original poster
NobleLocks · 13/07/2015 11:22

It's so bloody hard! I really really didn't want to go back to court.

What about a strongly worded email and copying his mother in it to ensure it is read

OP posts:
Lweji · 13/07/2015 11:31

The strongly worded email should mention the police should he repeat any of the behaviour.
Mention all his unacceptable behaviour in your email.

But keep all communication with him via email or text, should you need to refer to the police or court.

Original poster
NobleLocks · 13/07/2015 12:10

I can give it a go Wink

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 13/07/2015 14:01

Just remember he does not seem to have any "reasonable" in him....don;t expect him to react reasonably.
make sure you have a back up plan...and hope you don;t have to use it.

keep on keeping on.

Elfdoor · 13/07/2015 15:37

He has assaulted you, used force to secure an entry to your home (both arrestable offences) you should not let the children see him doing this to you because he should not be doing it at all. Speak to your solicitor report it to police and get an injunction against him, sounds to me like you need distance from him so a 3rd party needs to hand kids over.

He uses his bad behaviour to keep you in a limbo under his control, don't let him. You are worth more than the way he treats you.

Original poster
NobleLocks · 16/07/2015 20:31

DD has now told the nursery staff that she's been left with strangers and when she's wet her knickers that daddy shouts and makes her cry.

Of course he's screamed and yelled at me that she's 'two fucking years olds are doesn't know what she's on about let alone says things like that'

What the hell do I do now???

OP posts:
Elfdoor · 16/07/2015 20:57

You need to speak to your solicitor, you can not have this behaviour from him, pushing you is a common assault, if he has no legal rights to your house he can not just push his way in, leaving your child with a stranger is also not right, my view is you need to go back to court or report him to police, you are not a drama queen no violence should be used against you no matter how or why, it's not in the best interest of your child.

He sounds like a control freak but he needs to be put in his place, a more controlling contact order with rules for him to follow.

Speak to your solicitor xxx

Original poster
NobleLocks · 16/07/2015 21:28

Sadly a solicitor is so far out of price range at the moment Confused I don't quite know what to do!!
I wonder if legal on here might help?
Just even to find out if I have to keep sending her when I have concerns until I can get to a solicitor or to court

OP posts:
Elfdoor · 17/07/2015 10:54

If you have conserns for a childs saftey or well being in his care you can stop contact. I did that when my kids returned having not been looked after. I told him why I had stopped contact (brief explanation)on email and that my solicitor would write to him in due course.

The first half hour with a solicitor will be free, if you have reported domestic violence to police in past you may get legal aid.

Lweji · 17/07/2015 11:16

I would simply stop contact, but also make sure I had some evidence.

You should report his behaviour in your home and make sure the nursery staff will remember what your DD said.

Then he can chase up contact, but meanwhile the children are safe, and you too.

cestlavielife · 17/07/2015 11:23

what are nursery proposing? do they think it s a safeguarding issue? can they back you up?

"leaving with strangers" - hard to know for sure if they were literally public strangers at random asked to keep an eye on her or something he pre organized thru his connections with race organizers. one is nominally ok the other isnt.

report the shove to police so it is on record.

take action to prevent it happening ie he does not come in your house when dropping dd off.

you cant force him to call dd but you could eg use wasapp and dd could record little messages for him.

3 hours is a long way to travel for one overnight. ?

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 17/07/2015 11:26

Here's a number... 0808 8020 008. It's for the Coram Children's Legal Centre. Mon-Fri 8am to 8pm. Free solicitor advice. You'll have to keep ringing to get through, as they don't generally do callbacks, so allow yourself plenty of time.

Ring this number. They are brilliant with legal advice, and it's free.

And report the assault and forced entry to the police. You HAVE to report these things each and every time they happen. It will show a pattern of behaviour and will be good documentation for any further problems.

Original poster
NobleLocks · 17/07/2015 11:37

Exactly I just don't know what to do.

I don't think I have enough evidence to stop contact or report to police.
Nursery have written a statement of what dad has said.
The travel time is so little for such a short space of time.

All I can think is see a solicitor and try and take it make to court but in the meantime send a email

OP posts:
AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 17/07/2015 11:42

Ring that number I posted and they can give you free legal advice. I have used them a number of times. And you can certainly report it to police at the very least as info.

cestlavielife · 17/07/2015 11:45

are you able to find out when he is in races? which weekend? so you could tell him that she wont be going to him if he is in a race unless he can confirm he has arranged proper childcare? then you could contact race organizers?

Original poster
NobleLocks · 17/07/2015 12:19

I would have done cest but it seems it was a one off work thing. I'm going to ring conram when I finish work

OP posts:
Original poster
NobleLocks · 17/07/2015 20:47

I've had some fantastic help regarding getting it back to court.

I wrote an email outlying my concerns, but do I send it (I've stated i am suspending contact until addressed or)

Or do I just go straight for court?

OP posts:
Elfdoor · 17/07/2015 23:06

You do what your gut tells you, for me I did just that, my kids came home told me the story of how the youngest wandered off when daddy had gone to shops leaving them playing in street, I don't give a toss about evidence when my children could be at risk, I stopped contact and now if he wants contact he can take me to court and explain his conduct.

I sent an email and told him he was not having them again due to issues.

If your not happy to let child go back to him then send email, if you let child go back court could ask why you would do this if you felt he was not looking after child!

You can explain and justify your actions, nursery will have logged what was said. Court would not hold it against you for protecting your child that's what a good mother should do, protect your child.

Original poster
NobleLocks · 18/07/2015 06:54

Youve summed up how I feel perfectly! I am sorry you have been through it too elf

OP posts:
Original poster
NobleLocks · 24/07/2015 18:12

I sent an email to him and his mum over a week and a half ago stating no more of what's been going on, notice etc.
Heard nothing at all. DD hasn't spoken to him for two weeks.

He has Literally just text me this ' your to drop her off at 2pm tomorrow '

HmmHmm

OP posts:
Lweji · 24/07/2015 19:30

I had similar messages regarding exh taking ds on holiday.
I simply didn't show up.

As you shouldn't either.

Original poster
NobleLocks · 24/07/2015 19:32

Its so hard isn't it. I'm not saying he can't see DD

really needed a lie in but I know I need to stick to my guns

OP posts:
RandomMess · 24/07/2015 19:40

Def. don't turn up.

What is the worst that can happen? He will take you to court for contact (possibly via mediation) where your concerns will be heard by cafcass.

Lweji · 24/07/2015 19:43

Yes, it is hard because it goes against our better instincts. But sometimes we need to be tough.
He is trying to call your bluff. And making you run after him.

He is responsible for his relationship with his child and for going to her. You are already doing all the rest, FGS.

And if he shows up and you allow contact insist he waits way outside for handovers.