Please help, 1 week lone parent and he wants son for the night,

[fizzo]

Hi this is my first post and I really need some help and advice. I had to leave my partner on Saturday, were not married, I wont go on why and how we split or we'll be here all year, I have had to come to my parents house with my 5 month old son, he says I'm unreasonable not letting him see our son. I've said he can see him, he can come here and he can put him to bed, he can take him out in the day. Only he wants him for the night, we went to counselling on wednesday, didn't even last half an hour in there, and I feel I got bullied into agreeing that he could have him from Saturday Morning To sunday morning. Now he's text me saying 10am tomorrow. Only I feel so upset, angry and hurt, why should I have to be parted from my son for 24 hours? I know he'll have to have access and in no way do I want to stop him seeing him, but 24hours apart, now!! How can I do that?? Its only been a week, and he's adamant on having him for the night. Please any help or advice on the situation and being recently seperated I really need it. Thankyou.

very relevant post anom for fizzo to read anom glad you had the happy ending

Thank you very much anon for sharing with me, I'm so pleased that he pulled his finger out and now fie years on.

In honesty I imagined something to that effect happening, I really thought that it would be a wake up call me being at my mums, I was ready for the consequences and the worst that could happen (and is doing) but I did truly think time apart, he would realise that I'm not being spiteful, just trying to do the best.

Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be going the way I hoped it would, I have put my foot down that he can't stay tonight that we do that alternate, he got uppity by text with me, I pointed out that have given him access at a drop of a hat whenever he has asked, I just have issues with the overnight. I also pointed out that he probably wouldn't be granted overnight access till ds was 1yr old. Apparantly I'm being unreasonable.

So am sat here, house hunting, and just waiting to see if He'll bring him back.

Why can't he understand he and ds was my life, now I don't have him, and when he take ds it kills me, I don't have other things to take my mind off.

I will, next week I will deffo have plans and will not sit here all day crying!

I am still holding out for that happy ending, I haven't given up yet!

hi fizzo, hope you ok. what time is he meant to be bringing ds back, im sure youve done the right thing and i bet hes had a lovely day with him also. i find it hard getting on here at the moment as im trying to make fishcakes for ds, dietician said i have to cut his salt intake even more so more homebaking!

Not sure what time he's bringing him bakc, by 6 as thats when he starts to get ready for bed!

mm fishcakes, you'll have to post the recipe, I'm crap at cooking but do love fishcakes, let me know how they go down.

nother thread on my crap fish cakes fizzo! must get back to my frying pan

Well he brought him home at 5pm and ds is now sleeping soundly. I feel so much better that I didn't give in and stuck to my guns. He can stay next weekend, now I have a week to get my head round it!!

Maybe he got my email about how he broke my heart etc?!? who knows. but I'm proud of me, I didn't crumble!!

He's coming at 8.30 tomorrow morning to have him for the day, I've never known him get up before 9, ever

Oh yeah don't forget, the clocks go back, now someone just tell me how do I get ds to know this!!

How did the fishcakes go 7up??

ah glad he came back ok fizzo, at least you can not worry tonight and probably relax for the day tomorow when you havent got ds and have a nice rest. do theclocks go back tonight!?

Well that's 2 lots of good news. I'm really pleased to hear he brought him back, Fizzo. It shows that he is prepared to respect what you're asking, even if it isn't what he wants. And if he's willing to come at 8.30 that shows his commitment too.

Why don't you try to make some plans for next week? Is there a friend you haven't seen for a while that you could have a girlie night out/in with?

Anyway, have a good evening. The second bit of good news you gave me was that the clocks go back tonight! I'm off out to a Halloween party and could do with the extra sleep tomorrow. Oh and if dd is anything to go by, she has never worried about clocks going forwards/back or change of time when we go abroad. Hope it's the same for your ds!

have a nice time surfersmummy, are dressing up

Was very releived, never thought he'd be one to run off with ds but was beginning to be worried he'd see it as being pushed in a corner, obviously not. A nice relaxing day tomorrow not worrying, and next week will deffo sort out something to do with the evening.

Ooh halloween party, you have to dress up!! Hope your having fun let us know the goss tomorrow.

Sleep well ladies, enjoy your extra hour

Had a great night. I went as a sort of Morticia character with a long purple dress and purple wig with white highlights, and glow in the dark teeth that were rubbish as I couldn't talk properly, dribbled and they didn't actually glow either! Dh was a devil, dsd was a witch and dd was a pumpkin.

The host had done a great job, he lit the path to his front door with pumpkin lanterns and had made a load of gravestones and put in his front garden. The whole house was covered in cobwebs (bit like mine, but his weren't real - lol) and there were spiders and bats and ... well all sorts. He'd really gone to town.

We've got another this afternoon with dd (3.5) and her little friends from ante-natal. So will have to get all dressed up again. Should be fun, if a little less boozy!

Hi
I don't think you should have to be parted from your 5 month old over night. It is too confusing for him when babies need consistancy. Personally (my husband and I separated when our son was 18 months old) I did not want my son to be around another woman. I do not know if your partner has any one else yet, but it will probably happen. I spent 20 hours pushing my little boy out, no other woman is getting her flithy hands on him. Hopefully I will get a new partner some day but I know that I have a strong moral code and I will not have them around my son a long time and until I am sure he is a worthy candidate to befriend my son. I cannot assume but I don't believe that my husband cares who he would has around my child and for that reason I will not let my husband see my son overnight again. When my son was two, I trusted my husband to look after him in his home on two occasions as I had to work and my childminder was on holiday.He assured me he lives in alone and I discovered to my cost that he had a woman living with him and she had the audacity to tell me that I could not look after my own child and that she had to do it.
Also I do not want him to get at me through my son. In the end you are the mother and he has to abide by your terms, if he doesn't like it then tough.

Thanks kiki, yeah your right, I've had my eyes opened tonight, i wont go into it but i'm taking no shit from him anymore, he keeps saying i'm unreasonable when personally I feel I have been nithinkg but reasonable, Well now he's going to see what unreasonable is, b***d

Soory ive had a couple of drinks and I'mso upset, will fill in at a later date, i'm off now to not cry.

Surfer, your party sounds ace, I have a little costume i'm dressing ds up in on tues, he's gonna be a pumpkjin, aahhh bkess

hiyas fizzo just to let you know, to CAT means to contact another talker, see the link above - you have to pay a fee of £5 or something i think which lasts for a year - then MN will pass your details on to people so you can email / talk 'offline'. it would be nice to do that if you wanted, stuff has happened with me this weekend which i dont really feel comfortable talking about to anyone who might read, but it'd be good to email if you wanted to! hope you're ok after last night.. i'll be on here later anyway so catch up then, take care

fizzo - just found this thread again, and havent time to read the whole thing. but, to reply, i'm in london. but if you want to get in touch, i would be really happy to be a sounding board if you need another single mum to talk to right now. let me know. hope you are ok.
x

surfermummystomb i just read your posts to me below, yeah we can continue the discussion another time if you really want! dont think i'm saying anything that most other people on this thread arent saying also though, in terms of over night contact not being the norm at 5 months. i felt the same about talking over fizzo's head but then i think she wanted as many views as possible (correct me if i'm wrong fizzo!) so don't think it was a problem

Acutally Cath I think you might have misunderstood what I set out to say and I went off at a tangent .... a couple of glasses of wine inside me didn't help the old thought processes .

I wasn't arguing for their ds to be allowed to go overnight. My original point was more that Fizzo needs to explain clearly to her x why she is saying no so that her x understands, rather thinking she's being obstructive. These things can get really heated - I've seen it!

I got a little tied up in thinking about what would be right for MY dd with MY dh. She would have been fine with him for an overnight every weekend at 5 months. She would have been asleep for most of it, she's a great sleeper! That doesn't mean it's right for Fizzo's ds.

Never mind, it's all cool and Fizzo got her little fella back on Saturday night so she was happy too. I see you've started a thread of your own. I hope things work themselves out for you .

ok surfermummystomb no probs it does feel really different when you're separated from the dad tho!! thanx for your thoughts, no idea if things will work out but i'm just takin one day at a time.