HELP PLEASE

[Serena14]

I'm not a single mum but my partner is in the navy so I take care of my son alone, I have no family support and I've just found out we are expecting again. My partner is really calm about the whole thing but I am terrified. My son is 9 months now so will be about 15 months when the baby arrives. Has anyone dealt with two children of this age alone and honestly how hard is it? I feel it will be impossible and although I do want the baby I haven't had time to be excited as I've spent the whole time worrying and feeling guilty because I don't want my son to feel he is losing out on my attention. Any advice will be much appreciated.

If you don't mind me asking; why do you think you are worrying and feeling guilty? Why do you feel terrified?

Loads of reasons really. I'm scared of how I will cope looking after two babies so young all by myself. I feel guilty because my original plan was to give my first born my undivided attention until he started school then have another baby. I'm worried about having to leave one child to see to the other, I don't want either one to feel left out. I'm also worried about how I will manage with my son when I am heavily pregnant as he already weighs 24lb. It just feels like it will be impossible! I'm worried about how I will get the little baby to sleep when I have a toddler to see to and things like that. I worried a lot when I was pregnant with my son and it turned out fine so maybe I am worrying more than I need to but it's just fear of the unknown.

Yes, fear of the unknown is always the worst, and being pregnant tends to magnify our fears more so.

However, you have at least identified what it is that is troubling you. Being so, you might find it helpful to think of coping strategies to deal with each fear. Write them down or go through them in your head. Also, talk with your partner about how you are feeling.

Remember; you are a very strong woman. You will find a way around everything.

I only have one but when I became a single parent I made sure there was always part of the day just for me and focused on looking forward to that. Because da never slept it was often just 1 episode of friends u disturbed that got me through. Also try and get out and do stuff as much as you can. Could you afford a babysitter once or twice a week for an hour? You could do a class or go to the library x

And try posting in the Pregnancy topic too.

I plan on breast feeding so it will probably be hard to find a baby sitter as I'll be the only one who can feed the new born. I tried it with my first born but only lasted 3 weeks so I'm determined this time. I know that breast feeding might make things harder but I know it's what's best for the baby and that's more important to me. My partner does make it home most weekends so I get saturday and Sunday where I can relax a bit more but then I feel guilty doing anything on my own because it's the only time we have to be together as a family. My main concern at the moment is nap time. My son naps 3 times a day and it can take up to an hour to get him to sleep sometimes and I am thinking that it's going to be very difficult to get the newborn to sleep 3 times a day when i have a toddler to entertain and keep an eye on as well. X

There you go. It's about creating a survival plan in your head till the weekend. Look up possible groups you can join. Stream Cbbc whe breastfeeding. You will be able to do it when you get past the fear. Just look at things you will be able to do now on a practical level. Batch cook food? Set up online shopping account?

Thank you for all the tips and advice I feel a lot better already. The thing I feel the worst about is if I have to leave one child for the other. I always said my son would have my undivided attention at least until he starts school. I know he will be losing out on a bit of me but hopefully will gain a lot more as well by having a sibling .

will he get paternity leave?

toddler may be having different napping times when baby is born.

breast feed and read abook to toddler at the same time. do you know about the rugby ball hold? gives more room for the toddler round the front while baby still gets to feed.

plan to put half of the toddlers toys away in boxes andbring out a new box every couple of days, rotating toys so there is something fresh.

baby proof/toddler proof. play den was essential. put baby in the play pen to protect them from the toddler playing. toddler proof a room and take baby up to the bathroom/cot while you wee.

a baby ring worked really well when number two was a bit older. and take the toddler to the loo.

buy the toddler a present from the baby. dd got a baby of her own to play with of the right colour.

cluster feeding can be difficult. settle down with tv/computer/phone with plenty of snacks on hand..

batch cook toddler/mummy food while still pregnant to microwave from the freezer. you will need a few weeks worth and then do more every weekend when dh is home.

online shopping? set up before baby is due so you have regular items available.

Ask the navy welfare programme community support etc. speak to health visitor about local support eg volunteers. See if local college want to send child are students on placement. Your oldest will survive, think of twins who have to share the parent s .