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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

husband wanting access

20 replies

America1 · 11/12/2014 03:36

Hi I have a 3 week old baby how much access do you all feel is acceptable at this stage?
he stupidly thought he'd have our baby half the week.....hes deluded!

Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bf1000 · 11/12/2014 07:31

frequent short visits at this age. Could he take baby out for a walk/drive everyday. give you a needed break and gives him regular time with child that as gaps between feeding get bigger time can become longer.

HonestLie · 11/12/2014 16:53

I would agree with short and frequent although accept it can be difficult, especially this time of year where going out for a wander isn't ideal.

What did you have in mind?

BobbyBingoooo · 11/12/2014 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

America1 · 14/12/2014 13:09

Well he hasn't bothered with baby for threeweeks. So every other day wont happen. I think he wants to see our baby for a couple of hours a week. Hes such a prick.

OP posts:

lunar1 · 14/12/2014 13:14

At that age an hour or so at your home if he will behave. Nothing on earth would have got my babies away from me at three weeks old.

HonestLie · 14/12/2014 14:04

I would just go with the couple of hours a week although (and I'm only saying this from my own personal experience) I would be reluctant to set the day/time/place in stone. Personally I would advise arranging times, days and places on a week to week basis.

Starlightbright1 · 15/12/2014 17:18

You say on the one hand he thought it would be half the wek but you only think he wants a couple of hours a week? If he only wants a couple of hours a week this should be fine

Original poster

America1 · 17/12/2014 09:58

he said he wanted baby half of the week and now has changed his mind. being manipulated by his new girlfriend who he had an affair with.

OP posts:

petalsandstars · 17/12/2014 10:07

No way did my baby leave my sight bar the shower at that age. And I was living with DH. Short visit in your home if you can manage him being in your space.

Starlightbright1 · 17/12/2014 10:46

Yes I also agree it should be in your home .Pop him in living room ..Go get yourself a bath..Make yourself something to eat. You don't have to spend time with him.

Original poster

America1 · 17/12/2014 22:20

he kicked my back door in when 8 months pregnant. have I got grounds for a contactcentre? I don't trust him or feel safe

OP posts:

Starlightbright1 · 17/12/2014 23:44

yes...Problem is at a contact centre you would have to leave your baby in his care... /however there should be staff there to make sure the baby is been looked after.

The other difficulty is that Contact centre is generally seen as a stepping stone to unsupervised access.

Depending on your past I would also consider meeting him in a public place which was something I did with Ex for a while.

It may be worth a 30 free sols meeting... Did you report him kicking door is..It may open up legal aid if you did?

Original poster

America1 · 18/12/2014 04:41

its going through sols as iv started divorce. not entitled to legal aid. just dont know what to say about access as its next on agenda. public place sounds good

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 18/12/2014 12:18

report the kicking door. don't let him in your house again.
meet in public place.

Original poster

America1 · 23/12/2014 05:46

So hes actually now wanting to see baby and even tho he hasnt been in tiuxh until now has applied for mediation but would like to sort it ourselves. So the mediation is clearly to unnerve me however I think this would be good. He was to take baby away from me at 4 weeks old for an hr or two 3 times a week.
can he still take me to mediation if I offer an hr twice a week but ne present? Given he kicked door in baby is not leaving my sight.

OP posts:

cauliflowerfairy · 23/12/2014 10:22

America 1 - definite grounds for contact centre. I'm sorry he sounds like a prize knob. It probably is in your interests to foster a relationship between them though as how they bond now can really affect things in the future but I agree it must be done safely and preferably with as little contact between you two as possible so as to protect you from his emotional abuse.

Three weeks is very young for a child to be away from their mum for more than an hour I think..

Twinklebells · 26/12/2014 10:56

Did you report his kicking the door down to the police - or any other similar behaviour? If he was abusive you would be entitled to legal aid wouldn't you?

Original poster

America1 · 28/12/2014 04:55

Hi,

hes a police officer and police arrived and kept him in his job!
iv since txt him offered for him to spend some time with his baby over xmas avoided it and mentioned his parents. So I now know the 'I want to take baby from you' access is so he can drop our baby off at his parents to see our baby.
I dont get why men dont want anything to do with their child?!

OP posts:

Starlightbright1 · 28/12/2014 22:28

Do you know..It is so hard to understand how anyone can not love the most precious thing in your life.

Don't try and understand it .

He seems to be reducing his desire for contact by the day. Let it run...Offer it and then leave it at that.

Mediation isn't that scary. You don't have to agree to anything. It can make people more rationale with a 3rd party although it didn't my ex but his unreasonable behaviour was documented by an independent witness

Original poster

America1 · 28/12/2014 22:34

I know I shouldn't analyse his behaviour its hard not to as I wikl never get it I dont even think he probably does.

sounds interesting how do you mean an independent witness?

OP posts:

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