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Lone parents

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Original poster

10 week old baby and a newly single mum....is there light at the end of the tunnel??

75 replies

koshka1984 · 16/09/2006 20:19

Umm, well i think i have asked my question.

The break up was a suprise, I am too 'arsey' apparently. My HV thinks i have PND (going to docs on monday) and im not the best person to have hormones at the best of times.

I have decided that i am not going to try to change his mind. I am completely heartbroken.

My DS is healthy and happy, but I really do not think i can cope on my own. I feel completely unable to look after him. I dont sleep - i have horrific nightmares and i wake up each time my DS snorts or does that chokey-cough thing.

Just would like some advice on how to cope in these early days?

Thank you x

OP posts:
kiskidee · 16/09/2006 20:25

{{{{{HUGS}}}} koshka. i don't have any advice but bumping for you. i do know he is arsey one though! you will find the will and the strength. if nothing else MN is open 24 hrs a day and even at half past stupid o'clock someone will be hear to listen.

laneydaye · 16/09/2006 20:28

You can and you will cope koshka..xxx more fool him for leaving i say " you show him girl"

Theres always someone around on mn to talk to about anything and everything..xx

sending a big hug...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Amanda1 · 16/09/2006 20:33

Message withdrawn

makemineadouble · 16/09/2006 20:36

Hi sweetheart sending you strength remember you are a woman and so can do anything

funny baby noises, perfectly normal, the fact that they wake you, perfectly normal, nightmares once you have children, perfectly normal,

Feeling like shit after split, confussed, hurt, angry, alone, guess what im gonna say? perfectly normal,

can you stay with your mum for couple of days?

Original poster
koshka1984 · 16/09/2006 20:37

i live with my mum, but we are so alike we end up arguing. which is another thing he didnt like.

Amanda - have spent two days trying to get him to change his mind, but he wont even look or talk to me that much. He just keeps on saying that his head is messed up.

And if he wanted me back I would say yes straight away. Sad i know but i would hate it if Jake had the same realtionship with his dad than i has with mine (my dad has not even visited/called since i had my baby )

OP posts:
makemineadouble · 16/09/2006 20:40

Thats not sad darlin thats pain

makemineadouble · 16/09/2006 20:40

How were things before baby?

stitch · 16/09/2006 20:41

i think even if you didnt have pnd before, you probably will have it now.
lots of positive thoughts your way. try to care for your baby best you can. get your mom to watch whilst you get some sleep.
dont try to change his mind. he needs to sort himself out.

katyjo · 16/09/2006 20:43

Hi Koshka, I think the fisrt 8 weeks is the hardest and you are already past that! I found with ds that he started to settle around 12 weeks and it suddenly got easier then. I also found my hormones were all over the place and kept crying at anything (esp when hv was around), this also settled down around 12 weeks pn and I wasn't going through a break-up. Yes there is light at then end of the tunnel and I think you are through the hardest part. xx

tribpot · 16/09/2006 20:47

koshka, everyone does that waking up at the merest cough thing at 10 weeks (well, every woman). You are doing a great job. Take each day as it comes and ignore all preconceptions about what you 'should' be doing. As long as you and ds are healthy - honestly, nothing else matters.

Frankly, don't waste any energy on this bloke, or making comparisons with your own relationship with your dad. At this stage, regardless of any other factor, your focus should be on you and baby, and what the two of you need.

How can we help on a practical level? Where are you, can we arrange a meet-up so you can spend some time with people who know what it's like to have a 10 week old baby?

makemineadouble · 16/09/2006 21:05

Tripot wot a star

makemineadouble · 16/09/2006 21:06

tribpot even lol

Original poster
koshka1984 · 16/09/2006 21:10

tribpot your an angel.
i am going to a young mothers thing on monday, and i am hoping to go to the yorkshire meetup.

it would begreat if i could meet people with babies, i genuinely dont know anyone with kids! well, apart from my mum and nan obviously.

i have called my exs mum and said if she ever wants to see jake she can. Shes a nice lady and i think she knows that it wasnt my fault (no rose tinted glasses when it comes to her son)

OP posts:
nearlythree · 16/09/2006 21:11

koshak, sorry to see that you've finally broken up. You are so strong, I've said that before, even though it doesn't feel like that now. The first few weeks with your first baby are the toughest of any woman's life. You will come through it and you will be amazed at how strong you are.

Do you know, I pity your ex. What a fool he is.

auntymandy · 16/09/2006 21:15

if you are going to a Yorks meet up, I am guessing you are in Yorks?!!! (bright me!!!)
Where abouts? I am always ready for a baby fix and my kettle is almost always on!!!!

Original poster
koshka1984 · 16/09/2006 21:15

i think i have a mini crush on you nearlythree! in a completely nonsexual way!

i really should go and try to get LO off to sleep, or at least wipe the bubble-y spit of his mouth...oh he waving his arms and legs he looks like a marching old man severe look of determination on his face...

OP posts:
Original poster
koshka1984 · 16/09/2006 21:15

auntymandy - i live in harrogate

OP posts:
auntymandy · 16/09/2006 21:16

oooooooo..not too far then! I am in Leeds!

Amanda1 · 16/09/2006 21:16

Message withdrawn

auntymandy · 16/09/2006 21:17

mail me if you like? [email protected]

makemineadouble · 16/09/2006 21:17

How lovely that your in touch with gran, on any side! be warned tho, he will always be HER baby, enjoy just be aware. YES MEET PEOPLE, talk, laugh, chew the fat. I believe this may be your new beginning!! all the best sweetheart, I leave you in safe hands, you mnetters are brill

ps you can always find me if you need me x

Amanda1 · 16/09/2006 21:18

Message withdrawn

bluejelly · 16/09/2006 21:19

Koshka
When my dd was 5 weeks old I found out her dad had been having an affair... i was heartbroken. But I think a combination of adrenalin and hormones got me through it. I ended up getting back with him ( he begged me) we were on and off for a few years but to be honest I never really trusted him again... in a way i wish we had broken up for good at the time..
But anyway, there's a happy ending. My dd is 6 now and great, very well balanced and happy. I have a good relationship with her dad. And I have had two relationships since. Alas neither of them were 'the one' but i am happy, my dd is happy and I couldn't ask for more out of life.

I know it hurts like hell but you'll get through it
Good luck

nearlythree · 16/09/2006 21:21

Koshka! Sadly I'm nowhere near Yorkshire or I'd be there. Would you like me to CAT you so we can chat by e-mail? I also have some baby boy's clothes you can have, my ds isn't a lot older than yours (16 wks) but from what you've said before he's a lot bigger (already into 6 mo and he's only 4 mo! ) - if you could use them just say.

onehappymummy · 16/09/2006 21:28

Hi kosha1984

Sorry to 'butt in' on your conversation but I felt compelled to say that although I am happily married with my first born, there is no other love in the world that compares to the love you have with your ds. Just home in on that thought and concentrate on you and the little one. There is definately light at the end of the tunnel and the love that you feel for your ds will see you through. Get through this for your ds - no-one else. Take care and good luck!!! x