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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

So it only took 6 weeks for exp to get bored of his 'old' children

24 replies

Queencat · 14/03/2014 21:14

Now his new one with ow has arrived.

He has cancelled, can't come to a school meeting (first ever time) and hasn't replied to me about collecting this weekend.

How is it people can do this? I'm probably being sensitive but it sucks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 14/03/2014 21:24

You're not being sensitive. It hurts like hell.

Keep talking if it helps. I'm listening

Monetbyhimself · 14/03/2014 21:25

You are not being sensitive at all. It totally sucks yet it happens constantly and a whole generation of children are being let down because it's too bloody easy for feckless men to reproduce when they aren't even man enough to fulfil their responsibilities to the children they already have.

Hope your kids are okay. I think the main thing is to make sure they know that in you, they have a constant, secure and consistent parent who will always put them first and be there to pick up the pieces.

Original poster

Queencat · 14/03/2014 21:34

They aren't aware yet thank god. I am however well aware. The laughable thing is that I have gone over the top made sch a fuss over the new baby even buying it a present to encourage the dc's to welcome it as their new sibling.

Now I'm in a horrible place where I'm pissed off at a baby! I feel like a five year old.

OP posts:

Monetbyhimself · 15/03/2014 08:57

I also bought the present, even wrapped it with bloody 'baby' confetti

It's hard. Hopefully the kids will be okay. Mine now adopt a kind of sadness when he lets them down again. I do worry about what happens long term with regards their emotional well being but for now it's just about keeping them together when daddy fucks up again.

pinklady1107 · 15/03/2014 17:30

we've just started down this road although baby isn't here yet

didn't pick them up yesterday, so here it begins. so so sad for my children but I've had a wonderful day with them

SinisterSal · 15/03/2014 17:34

Maybe it's just because the new baby is a demanding newborn, and things will settle after a little while? That happens in all families when a new baby is born

Sorry - not to minimise or anything, but clutching at the hope that it just may be a period of adjustment and he will step up again and your kids won't be continuosly let down

Monetbyhimself · 15/03/2014 19:50

My Ex shut himself in the spare room when ours were demanding newborns. Would be quite a turnaround for him to have started changing nappies or doing night feeds

lunar1 · 15/03/2014 19:55

What a twat.

FabBakerGirl · 15/03/2014 20:00

What pisses me off is "single mother" is always stated like it is the mothers fault the man has fucked off, like it is something to be ashamed of. The man is rarely called a single father and why are they single mothers? because the man mostly has fucked off. Single mother should be a banned saying as there is a stigma that shouldn't exist. It is so easy for the men to just fuck off. Very few mothers do.

Its0kToBeMe · 15/03/2014 20:09

I agree fab

Bedsheets4knickers · 15/03/2014 20:22

Reading things like this , I thank The Lord I'm a woman. Why is it a mans world they are Arsehols !!!

FabBakerGirl · 15/03/2014 20:55

It isn't a man's world. It is everyone's world and needs to be seen as such.

SinisterSal · 15/03/2014 21:00

If they were all arseholes it wouldn't be remarkable. Most are good loving dads so when one is arseholish it really stands out and really hurts

Original poster

Queencat · 15/03/2014 21:48

Maybe the newborn is demanding and god knows they are, BUT when you all live together under one roof you can't forget about your other children just because you have a baby. I am bringing up three by myself. If one is being a pain in the arse I still have to deal with the other two.

OP posts:

letsbehonest100 · 15/03/2014 21:57

Very valid point about 'single mothers / fathers' fab.

It's never occurred to me before, despite being a so called 'single mother' myself.

I do wish that men who turn their backs on their children after relationship breakdowns, were treated with the scorn they deserve. It's somehow tolerated, despite being completely unacceptable. I wish I knew how to tackle it. I'm flu g my small bit by trying to raise my son to be different.....

I'm sorry theirs is happening to you OP. You are not bring oversensitive at all- it's really horrible and must hurt like hell.

letsbehonest100 · 15/03/2014 21:59

Oops apologies for typos, bloody fat phone fingers!

Standinginline · 15/03/2014 22:06

Don't understand fathers like your child's one. My partner has 4 children from a previous marriage and when our first was born he still had his son over the following night like planned ,and all the kids at the weekend. Our second child I had 3am Saturday morning and he still went and picked up his kids at lunchtime that day to have for the weekend .I was in hospital and as our son was a toddler who couldn't sit still for more than 5 minutes, my partner couldn't really stay with me all day ,anyway.
However ,his kids were older ,but maybe if they'd been younger and required more attention it might've been slightly different (doubt it though ). It also helps that unlike some women ,I don't have any problem with his history or "baggage" and have encouraged partner most of the time when it came to his kids and ex. Partner wouldn't have let me stop him from seeing his kids ,anyway ,as his kids have always come first. Pity your kid doesn't have the same sort of father :(

Monetbyhimself · 15/03/2014 22:33

It's because there are too many women who are prepared to have a relationship with men who are shits. I dated a guy for a while after my split. First red flag- slagged his Ex off for being in bed 'depressed' when he dropped the kids off. But he still dropped them off and left them with her (both under 6) Second red flag. Booked a weekend away for us when he SHOULD have been seeing his children. I showed him the door at that point. But sadly there are many women who enable and encourage men like that (OW being another fine example )

FrogbyAnotherName · 16/03/2014 11:22

What turns them into shits though monet?

When and why did your ex change from being the man you loved and had DCs with to the shit that the OW is now enabling and encouraging?

Monetbyhimself · 16/03/2014 12:12

Oh Frog don't you EVER get bored ?

Do you know anything about domestic violence ? Do you know anything about the nature and dynamics of abuse ?
My Ex was always a shit. But I was too controlled, entrenched and scared to see or acknowledge it.

I suggest that you go and educate yourself a little. Look specifically at the points in a relationship where abusive men step up the control. Read about how abusers often step up their campaign when a woman becomes pregnant or has just given birth.

When you've done that you may just think twice about peddling out the same old agenda filled crap on these threads.

God I wish there was a hide poster feature on MN

Original poster

Queencat · 16/03/2014 13:10

I'm not blaming the ow! Maybe that's why it hurts so much! Because the man I did love with all my heart, who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with was not the man I thought he was and that he could do this hurts the most.

OP posts:

corlan · 16/03/2014 13:17

Frog - quite often it's not the men that change at all. It's often the women who finally wake up and realise they are in an abusive relationship.

Took me 13 years and being pregnant to realise that I didn't deserve to get knocked around every time XP had too much to drink and was feeling sorry for himself. Unfortunately,I don't think my case was at all unusual.

XP hasn't changed at all - he's just knocking around a different woman now

FrogbyAnotherName · 16/03/2014 13:22

Do you know anything about domestic violence ? Do you know anything about the nature and dynamics of abuse ?
My Ex was always a shit. But I was too controlled, entrenched and scared to see or acknowledge it.

Yes, I do.

Which is why I challenged your statement that the OW enables and encourages your ex's behaviour. Why is she not a victim, in the same way as you were? Who believes his lies and refuses to acknowledge his behaviour, in the same way as you did?

Why is it that it is reprehensible that other women behave in the very way that you say you did?

FabBakerGirl · 16/03/2014 14:49

Even on the odd occasion a mother walks out on her children she still gets more shit than a man who does it, and men do it more, they just don't get the scorn that women do.

"It's because there are too many women who are prepared to have a relationship with men who are shits."

Monet did you have kids with a "shit" man or was he fine at first and then show shitty behaviour? You pour scorn on women who have kids with crap men but hey, it transpired that you did too.

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