I know that I am being neurotic but...

9 replies

Fluffybubble · 13/08/2006 22:47

...would you let your ex-dh drive your dc around in his gf's car?

Ex turned up in hire car to collect ds on friday - he lives about an hour and 1/2 away, and had brought his gf's car to local garage for some work, hence the hire car (sorry, waffly!).

He called me in afternoon to say that he would either have to bring ds back early or he would be bringing him back quite late, as needed to swap hire car for gf's car. I reacted quite strongly to this...really, really, really don't want my ds in her car. Ex's response was that it was only a car...which I know it is but...I still mind, a LOT!

I am partly p'd off on a purely emotional level, but I am also annoyed that he is running errands for gf when he is supposed to be spending time with ds. He sees him about once a week / once a fortnight, and fits visits in around his shift pattern (he is a pc). He moved away in March so now has a long journey round the M25 to get here, which he complains about, and frequently asks to alter collection time (only by 1/2 hour or an hour) so that he can leave home later..(get a lie-in ?) On this occasion, he had arranged to come for ds a bit later, but had obviously spent night with gf in London (they don't live together properly yet) in order to be able to take car in...

Basically, I am annoyed! Sorry, this is very long and waffly and probably just need to get over it... but would welcome your opinions ...

OP posts:

shimmy21 · 13/08/2006 22:55

Is there a car seat or booster seat appropriate for your dc in her car?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/08/2006 22:56

I dont see the car thing as a big deal.

I can understand you being peeved about him not being on time or v reliable. (I understand that policeman have strict schedules and the night shift is a real ballbreaker too so its tough for me to be objective).

Original poster

Fluffybubble · 13/08/2006 23:14

Yes, car seat that ex has would fit - I just don't want it to!! I suppose if I'm honest I feel like it is another step along the line to them "parenting" my ds - my ex has told me that she has no intention of being a mother figure (not really bothered about children apparently!! Fairly important factor in their relationship though ). Part of the problem is that a month or so ago he was offloading to me about their problems and said they had split. Since then he has been quite secretive and I only found out they were together again last weekend when I dropped ds round and she was there...For ex to then turn up in "her" car and expect to take our ds is a bit out of the blue...I suppose it just shows that they are back on again (maybe that's how I will know the state of play in future).

I am annoyed about altering arrangements, and we have actually been to court to determine terms of visits but I don't want to be too petty - I would (honestly!!) be sympathetic if it was work related, but ex is quite honest about it (daft bloke!) and tells me that he is tired and needs a break...you can imagine the response he gets...

I know that I can't stop him taking ds in gf's car, but really do hate the idea.

OP posts:

Quootiepie · 13/08/2006 23:18

i know how you feel... id be super jealous and would not want an exs new partner anywhere near my child, in person or anything. Im not the best person to give you sensible advice about it, but thought id post and say your not the only one who would find it hard to start letting "other people" creep into your childs lives.

Panboy · 14/08/2006 00:06

agreeing with VaVaVoomVickie (or is it 'straps?
)..there are/will be bigger things to contemplate/face than whose car is used..affronting yes, but perspective-taking would be good here??

fistfullofbanners · 14/08/2006 00:15

fluffy,
I understand completely why you are furious about this, and similar things drive me to irrational jealousy.
I guess you are just having a rant, and you know that you've got to take a deep breath and step back. He is going to get on with his life. Just try and ignore the progress of his love life, and concentrate on your own. Some nice time out and flirting/new man really is the best therapy here!

Original poster

Fluffybubble · 14/08/2006 09:57

Thanks for your opinions!

fistfull..& quootie... - you both have hit nail on the head - is entirely an emotional response.(I have realised that I usually post on a Sunday when I have spent the day pondering as not out & about so much . Usually feel better on Monday....

VVV & panboy - my ds and I have been through what i consider to be quite a lot, yet this DOES bother me. It may not register on the scale of too highly in comparison to some issues, but it is a something of concern to me, hence the post - thanks for your comments though.

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/08/2006 13:39

Ahem...you did say "opinions welcome".

Sorry if i offended an all that though....

Panboy · 14/08/2006 14:46

Sorry, i was trying to be brief - sorry if it was misplaced....

Flip