Kids being dumped with OW whilst he goes on a stag weekend.

[Monetbyhimself]

She's an even bigger mug than I thought.
But he'd rather eat his own arm off than let them stay at home (residency and contact order in place and he's already missed contact twice in the last 6 weeks)
Can't wait to see his reaction when he finds out that I know.

IneedAwittierNickname

I don't think it's wrong to struggle with a SPs role at all. It isn't someone you have chosen to be part of their life and ultimately it's your precious DC that you are having to put in their hands. I think struggling with it is quite normal.

The fact you are trying to work through it is great but I honestly wouldn't feel bad about the fact that you are having to do that because of your feelings.

It's a tricky situation for everyone involved and their are a lot of blurred boundary lines, it natural.

IMO If the step children don't get on with the step parent then they shouldn't be left with them because the NR parent has other plans. I've been a step child in this situation and it's shit. Years and years of psychological bullying.

Oh good, need. Maybe your new found positivity will extend to the grudges you hold against certain posters and lone parents in general.

No. Accusing you of bearing a grudge against all lone parents is like saying a lone parent who does hold a grudge has a grudge against all stepmums in general.

And you definitely do hold a grudge. You've responded based on who the OP is not what the OP contained.

Not read the whole thread but a bit about this:

Can't wait to see his reaction when he finds out that I know.

OP, he won't take it out on the DCs, will he? If you know he's going to be pissed,then perhaps its better to keep it to yourself? If you have no choice but to make them available for contact, then its probably best not antagonise him?

need, your posts here and elsewhere tell a different story. Whatever your reasons are for posting here in an inflammatory way, you would do well to heed what people are saying about how you are coming across. If it's not your intention to goad, then maybe take the break someone else suggested. Because if you can't see what everyone else is seeing, you'll keep getting the same reaction to your posts, and that clearly bothers you. Why let this place get to you so much?

Go be with your family need. This place isn't good for you if it's affecting you so much.

need maybe you do need to take a step back from MN. Not saying the entire thing as a whole but certainly certain boards.

Maybe you could focus more of your MNing on looking for and gaining advice and support for what is going on in your life at the moment.

Good luck.

my DS is exactly 10 years older :)

Good, enjoy the rest of your little boys birthday

Needaholiday thanks for acknowledging that you didn't read the thread.

I hope you enjoy your little boys birthday and can come back to MN in a better frame of mind in the future.

With regards my comment about his reaction when he finds out, this is a man who is so controlling and so hostile that social services recommended that the contact order included a clause ordering him to provide full details of where the children are staying during contact. that included his own new address. He maintains his power through knowledge and secrets. Me knowing his secrets takes away his power.

Residency and contact were only finalised a number of months ago so for now it's just a question of keeping written records.

I'm not sure what to do at the weekend. I know if I ask them what they want to do, they'll want to stay at home. But if I pick them up from school early and he finds out, that has the potential to enrage him and distress them. He is on his best behaviour with regards physical abuse at present so I want to avoid provication. The other, probably easiest option, is to invent an awful sickness bug, because he cancels contact if they're ill. Problem with that is he'll then question them.

Anyways, thanks for the supportive comments. This life is not the one I chose when I had my babies

Oh monet it must be so hard for you.

How old are your DC? I know it's not normally advisable but would your DC tell their Dad if you asked them what they wanted to do and when they say stay at home tell them you would need to tell their Dad they were sick?

Maybe not the best idea though...

The other, probably easiest option, is to invent an awful sickness bug, because he cancels contact if they're ill. Problem with that is he'll then question them.

As you are likely to end up back in court at some point, i wouldnt recommend this approach. it might be a short term solution, but long term it could make thngs worse.

My DHs ex used this excuse to prevent contact, and avoid various court-ordered activities many times - it was the easiest thing in the world to disprove; once DH had mentioned his doubts, CAFCASS did all the digging with the school, GP etc - even the EWO got involved!

Given how acrimonious the relationship is between you, and your (understandable) fears regarding contract, you would be best not to do anything that might indicate you are interfering with contact in an underhand manner. If you are concerned about your DCs safety, then withhold contact and justify your decision to the court.

Thanks Frog. Good points. They have phones so I think I'll have to just let them go and keep everything crossed.

Meep all under 12 but eldest in particular has had to grow up so bloody fast.