Monotony - who else is tired of it?

[Alambil]

another evening alone
another evening in front of the telly / internet / crochet / books
another evening.... zzzz

another weekend....

I see my family every day (they have DS whilst I'm at work) and every weekend, so it's not like I'm "alone" as such, but I'm just so lonely and I'm the ONLY single parent in the entire family (immediate and wider)

ugh.

monotony.

I hate it.

What would you like LewisFan? is is companionable friendship at home in the evening or more time going out?

I hesitate to suggest anything that would involve doing more 'work' to get it when I imagine you'd prefer to do less not more :)

I feel the same,I was supposed to be going out tonight, kids won t be left with a sitter they don t know,Don t like any of the suggestions of people I've made. Make me feel like shit for wanting a life of my own.So here I am watching Disney channel again on Saturday night. It's supposed to be their Dads weekend but inspite of his constant protestations about how much he loves them and wants to see them won t look after them two weekends in a row.Nevermind I have to look after them 21 days in a row! Without a break except to go to bloody work where ironically I work with needy young people.
Thanks for the rant, I l get back to victorious shall I.

Ps Flowery I love your name haha!

thanks everyone - I sometimes forget this board exists... might make it a regular stop off!

I think part of the problem is that I don't have any friends; I don't know why but I don't - none...

that's totally weird, isn't it?!

Not totally weird, Lewis! Unless I'm totally weird too... I always feel a bit awkward when people mention getting friends to babysit or going out with friends. It's a bit, erm, nope! Hahaha.

(My name? Oooh flattered lol )

I sometimes go out with friends or get friends to babysit. It's all I have actually as I have no family at all so I really should feel grateful. Some of my friends have been great although I should try not to moan so much- I'm sure it gets depressing to listen to! The thing is- you have to be a superwoman to be a single mother. And when you're doing everything right and looking good, people look at you with suspicion. And then on days when you're not superwoman- no make up on, kids a bit late for school, people smile and say aha typical downtrodden single mother. At least where I live. The weeks are soooo hard! The weekends are a bit easier as my ex has the kids now on Saturday nights but the boredom is awful. I always have the feeling that I'm so behind. Coping with very stressful events brought on by my EA ex which I wont go into here and also trying to do a college course at the same time I am finding just totally impossible!!!! So hard to be that supermum under tense, über-busy circumstances :-(

Lewisfan I think people are also suspicious of me when they find out that I don't have family support, in the same way that you joke that you 'sound scary' because you have no friends.

I rarely get to go out and when I do it is with the people from work, dont have many friends and they have children too so in the same boat.xx

(this is slightly dull, but relevant of how sad my life has become I think).

Last Autumn I was making my appointment for the DC's for parents evening. the school receptionist said something like "oh, I'll make them together so you don't have to hang around for long ".

me "um, actually I don't mind a gap between them. It'll make a nice change to be out the house with adults for once".

The receptionist clearly thought I was joking / insane.

I had a THIRTY MINUTE wait inbetween appointments in the hall, it was bliss. I chatted, I MN-etted and when I got home the dc's were ready for bed .

Meglet you're not alone I've gone to Tescos or the mall etc for the smallest of things just to get out and about in the hope I might bump into someone.

just reading this thread this morning and it is making me feel less alone.. I am not the only one to go to tesco on a sat night to not be alone or out for the smallest of things just to be around another human being... seems that it is either too busy or there is nothing (when son as his dads)
then i think and think and think and cry and think how has my life come to this? i think depression is more common in adults living 'alone' and single parents...

Yes button. We have to take the bull by the horns and get out there don't we? Live our lives.

but how do we?
im not sure if anyone else feels between a rock and a hard place?
a bit like who am I if I step out of the situation

You have to rediscover yourself, build yourself up. There are books and groups that can help you if you're stuck. You have to do things outside the norm and build up confidence & skills that way. You have to start saying yes. I'm going on an Internet date on Friday. It's not the first one I've been on. It probably won't go well! But a bit of excitement is good for us. Doing courses, meeting friends, having people over, chats on the phone at night, staying away from negative people can also help I have found.

Those are all hard to do for a lot of lone parents though. Childcare is a major block to any socialising or courses for a lot of us.

I feel stuck too, mike.

You can read things that help on the Internet?

yes flowery childcare is a huge issue for me.
I was just looking online the local college does a 75 min massage for 12 mon-fri. oh the thought

I thought this thread was about monogamy

That's monotonous

Same here! I see all these exciting courses and classes and it's like nope, nope, nope because of childcare. Makes it hard to get out there and get some none child related social interaction.

I do go to college one day a week but I get a childcare grant, ditto for uni in sept but I can't socialise out of the classroom despite making a couple of friends

I can't 'get out there'. I don't have anyone to look after the dc's. Mum lives in a different town and has to help on the days I work, she won't come up in the evening (and I don't blame her!). I can't afford a babysitter (and wouldn't trust a stranger full stop) and DS has allergies so can't be left with casual friends. XP is so abusive he'd freak if he heard I was in a new relationship anyway.

I do go mental with lack of human contact, but there's always here and fb.

I'm in such a grump tonight, I've still not had time to eat and have to put the kids to bed.

Yeah here is my main source of adult contact atm as sad as that may sound! No babysitters and my mum works full time so is shattered come the weekend and evenings so doesn't feel up to it.

That must be hard, mike, if everyone else can meet up and you can't :(

I am so like meglet-fb and mn!

holding my hand up to lonliness too. Mine has just hit me hard really recently (Christmas) I've been single for three years and coping really well with two very young kids, but its been so much hard work with the youngest that I literally never had time before to get lonely - any "free" time was spent on catching up with sleep! But now that he is two and has got a bit more independent and going away for weekends with his older brother to their Dads I am feeling all bereft. While I was busy being a mum I let slide everything else (working out of home, social life, hobbies) and now I feel like I have suddenly woken up and realised I am all on my own for the first time :-(

Did anyone else find it was "alright at first" then got worse?

PS I am also living abroad so no family support, limited social circle, and also came out of an EA relationship.

Yes. It was really alright at first for me. Like a sense of relief at not being in the ea relationship. A sense of freedom and then it got worse.