CSA for step child

[helmaria]

Now my ex has a step child living with him, does this lessen my csa payments?

And why the FUCK should whether the RP is earning stop the NRP from being financially responsible for their DC?!

Are you even ON this planet?!

Why should all the financial responsibility of supporting a DC that has TWO parents fall onto the RP alone?!

What CouthyMow says.

Both parents, mum and dad, RP and NRP have identical obligations to their children. Simple as that.

Perhaps a more effective system would be for the work requirement to be 'transferable' - so in situations like the one I describe above, the requirement for the NRP to pay CM at a minimum rate is removed if the DCs RP is earning?

I have just read this portion. Are you actually being serious?

Frog

I am really confused by your responses. You have said a couple of times that you don't agree with NRP reducing CMP but a lot of your posts seem to contradict that.

You also appear to have the tendency to lump contact and finance as one issue. It isn't. It is two completely separate matters and one should never affect the other.

Any suggestion that first borns have higher priority somehow is entirely unrealistic and unworkable and I say that as an RP with "first borns".

I don't think anyone suggest they have a higher priority, it's the fact that they don't be taken into account when alot of NRP decide to extend their family. If you move in with someone with children IMO you should only do so if you can afford to maintain the level of payment you would have if no children were in the house. NRP are now expected to pay 15% (I think) that leaves 85% for their living costs. If they cannot afford to support anymore children on that then don't have them until you are in a position that you can.

Frog, I think your experiences with your DP's OBVIOUSLY obstructive RP is colouring your view of ALL RP's. Which is understandable - but I can also see her point. If you are living in an isolated area, and that is the cause of your DP not being able to SUPPORT HIS DC'S, for over a year, then I can see that it would become incredibly frustrating to your DP's Ex partner that HIS AND YOUR CHOICE to stay in an area with limited employment opportunities is the reason that she alone is financially responsible for those DC.

I'm NOT saying that that is a reason for reducing contact - in fact, I fully believe that contact and financial matters SHOULD stay separate. And I think it is reprehensible that some RP's use lack of maintenance as an 'excuse' to limit contact.

But NOT all RP's are like that - out of 10 RP's that I know well, ONE has chosen to limit contact based on a lack of maintenance. I no longer see her, as she fell out with me when I pointed out that the only person she was hurting was her DS. I also pointed out that DC's aren't pay-per-view. She didn't like that...Out of the other 9 RP's I know well, just ONE gets a decent amount of maintenance AND that isn't connected to contact. Two have NRP's that have gone SE and pay nothing, yet have plenty of contact with their DC's, taking them on flashy holidays that the RP cannot afford, Three get a stupidly low amount of maintenance - one gets just 69p a week as his NRP has had 6 further DC's since leaving him, yet contact is reasonable, one gets a stupidly low amount of maintenance and can barely get her NRP to bother with their DC EOW, and two get no maintenance - one there is minimal contact, the NRP's choice, one has been barred from contact by the Court, and refuses to pay on that basis...

I just can't see how you think that choosing to stay in a rural location should absolve your DP of any financial responsibility towards his existing DC's.

My DD's father has been unemployed for over a year. DD's SM has taken over paying the maintenance so that DD doesn't lose out financially. THAT is responsible - DD's SM understands that DD was here before their DC's. In return, I understand that the small amount she pays is better than fuck all...but £12.50 a week barely covers DD's bus fares to school - never mind clothes, food etc. DD's SM sees this as a trade-off because THEY choose to continue living in a VERY rural area that limits DD's NRP's employment prospects.

Btw, the maintenance didn't drop when they had their second DC, and it didn't drop when DD's father lost his job.

And THAT is why I respect them - because there is a tacit understanding that DD was born first, and that DD shouldn't lose out through THEIR choices.

Perhaps a more effective system would be for the work requirement to be 'transferable' - so in situations like the one I describe above, the requirement for the NRP to pay CM at a minimum rate is removed if the DCs RP is earning?

Ummm, wtaf? Are you my ex? He's told me in the past to get off my "fat arse, stop being so fucking lazy and get a job" so that he can stop giving me money! Twat! Nit sure where the fat lazy but comes.into his household where him and his dp are unemployed
Mind you, he's also told me he should have custody of the dc because he's sick of being told he has to give him money to me and thinks its about time I had to do the same. (again) not sure what he thinks I spend my money on, I'm 100% certain that I spend far more on the dc than he does, and far less on myself.

(he hasn't paid me any money for months now, so I have no.idea what he is on about!)

Mind you, he's also told me he should have custody of the dc because he's sick of being told he has to give him money to me and thinks its about time I had to do the same

Are you actually serious? Hearing some of these stories make me even more glad that my ExH isn't involved in DDs life at all.

Yep I'm actually serious! he's a prick. Sometimes I wish he didn't see the dc anymore, but then I remember how much they love him and how much they would be hurting if they didn't see him.

Serobin That is not the case at all. Circumstance change. Once children are in school a RP can work full time also. I don't know why you assume that a man should be rich?

If you decide to co-habit (whether you be a RP or NRP) you should do what you would do in any other circumstances. Sit down, look at your finances and see if it is manageable, if it isn't then you shouldn't do it at that given time or look at other way you can boost your income to make it manageable. Parents who are still together have to scrape by with minimal help all the time.

The point I am making is that to choose to change your circumstances and it has a negative effect financially or emotionally on your children then you are not worth your salt. I have rent to pay and I certainly wouldn't get away with only paying half of my rent because I decide to go on holiday for two weeks and since I am paying for accommodation there I shouldn't have to pay for it here. Why is this not the case with children? If you have children you should pay for them and that amount IMO shouldn't be decreased because you choose to have more family.

IneedAwittierNickname I'm not surprised you sometimes feel like that but it's good you can see the bigger picture too. The guy sounds like an ass.

Exactly, Meep. I have 4 DC's, and am unable to work due partly to my own disabilities, partly to those of my DC's.

However - if I started a relationship with an NRP, I would not even consider moving in with him / him moving in with me until we were SURE that it would not affect his ability to pay maintenance to his existing DC's. It would be very irresponsible.

(And I HAVE been in that situation in the past, many moons ago, when I could still work, and we ENSURED that before he moved in with me, that his maintenance payments were unaffected. So I can't personally see the issue with that. And at that time, I didn't get maintenance for ANY of my own 3 DC's - but that was irrelevant, HIS RP did, and that shouldn't (and didn't) change if he CHOSE to move in with me, knowing that between us, our incomes had to support 5 DC's, not just my 3 DC's...)

Everyone's situation is different.

In my one I would love to be able to care for my DS more. Until his mum left with him we shared care pretty equally and earned comparable amounts. After that he didn't see me at all for a while and I was made a NRP.

She chose to be a SAHM, taking the entire childcare burden on her shoulders, compelling me to be the financial breadwinner. It is not a choice I made nor would have I done so.

This is just my `lived experience'. I appreciate others have other ones.

Couthy Mow for PM

It's just another shitty fact of life that for every decent person who thinks the way that you do, there are a dozen more who believe that their rights are more important than anyone elses.

What about then:

If I was paying £300 a month as a NRP.
And the RP had more children, could I insist they keep spending the same amount on our child so their standard of living didn't drop?
So they couldn't give up work or go part time.

And insist that the £300 was only spent on our child?

Jesus this breaks my heart reading it. I wont go into who i know that did what because its not proof of anything other than that i know some people who have had bad relationship (myself included) its also true that with the exception of myself and best friend i dont know all the details in other families, im even biased in my own and best friends favour so my own story proves nothing but to hear of people threatening violence if their dcs see their dad is awful.

My eldest breaks his heart crying at the window when exp doesnt turn up, younget takes his cue from that and cries too. I have screamed at that man (living up to psycho ex stereotype), had meeting after meeting with him, calm conversations, tried getting his mum to have a word but it just doesnt seem to sink in that his children are hurting. Seems he's not the only one. I couldnt imagine being the one responsible for causing that hurt. Sometimes i wonder if there is something missing in his brain that he doesnt feel like i do about our dcs.

When i started working again last year after 3 years of not working it was just at the same time exp returned to this country to live and was making big promises about how he was going to be a real father now and have the dcs as much as possible, he was also out of work so i was getting no child support from him. I asked if he could help me out witj childcare, basically doing a few school pick ups a week and keeping dcs til dinner time, he laughed at me and asked if i thought he was going to be my unpaid babysitter! Never mind that for the previous 7 years whilst workingi had singlehandedly been raising our children while he had his jet setting career that included no contact for 3 of those years (no birthday cards, phonecalls for dcs- said he couldnt talk to kids on phones- it was boring) so i found childcare- which is fine and what most parents do but it felt very unfair.

Also- the point someone made about first borns not being more important than following dcs. I agree, they are not more important but they are just as important as they were before that second dcs arrived. Do the people reducing maintenance because of a new family set up reduce the rest of their bills as much as possible before reducing maintenance? Im sure some dont. Exp cut maintenance entirely to buy a new house, engagement ring and new car. I realise how much this colours my opinion, i dont think it's so rare though. Do the nrps reduce their own food bill? Phone bill etc? Theyre combining expenses with another adult so there will be reduced costs of living for the NRP. I'd be surprised if very many NRP's need the 'few pounds' they're saving on reduced CM tbh.

I think the problem is that there isn't a one size fits all solution.
My experience appears to be the opposite of Serobins

When ny ex moved out I was worse off financially than I was before, but my day to day living costs (rent, gas,electric etc) remained largely unchanged. In fact the only difference was 1 less mouth to feed.

So when he moved in with his dp, (who previously was a sp with the same number of dc as me) I know that their household income would had gone up.

So why then was he allowed, and even encouraged, to reduce my cm payments? Her household got richer, and mine got poorer.

I understand you feel defensive on this issue serobin but dont accuse people of saying things they havent. I havent said you or others like you arent worth your salt. I asked if those who reduce CM also reduce their other bills beforehand. You said you reduced everything- so i'm clearly not talking about people like your DH. You clearly do need those few pounds saved by the reduction.

Ah- it appeared to be a response to my post.