EA ex now intending to continue to control via school

[GreenRedBlueYellowPurple]

Hello all

Regular on here. Just namechanged. My EA ex has newly decided to attend parent teacher meeting. His reasons for doing this are

1. to harass me as well as

1. to appear to be good in the eyes of the school

1. to get things to incriminate me and use in the court process to attempt to take children away from me

No proof of domestic violence and therefore the headmaster will not allow separate interviews

Please some advice on what I can do!!!!

The problem is that I cannot speak with children's teachers informally every 6 months because it will be recorded in this case that I am NOT ATTENDING OFFICIAL MEETING and my ex will run delighted to his solicitor, which I'm sure he did yesterday

I know it's tough, but when it comes down to it, you have to pick the least bad of the options:

1. Go to the meeting. I know exactly what you mean by this: Now my ex wants to throw his weight around and by that I mean be super charming with the all female teachers and very concerned about our son and manage to worm his way into everyone's good books to be in a position to cast aspersions on my parenting...

This is exactly what my ex does. Seriously, he hugged dd's teacher and gave a big warm handshake to the HT and is all pally-wally. I don't know how much they're taken in by it. I've been divorced long enough that I can watch with some degree of attachment, almost amusement.

2. Go above the HT's head to the governers, as recommended here. Get the separate meetings. But one of the downsides is that you're giving all the more scope to your ex to do what you fear - put forward his version of events and cast aspersions on you. Not that the teachers want to go into any of this - they just want to go through your son's work and not any of the background of your relationship.

3. Don't go. You're worried about your ex making use of this at court, but the WA letter you've got sets out the reasons why you're not going. It's not that you lack interest in your child's welfare. As you've got a good explanation, backed by a third party, your ex isn't going to get very far with this line of argument.

Try not to let this be blown out of proportion. It's one of the bumps you encounter along the way. I'm not being dismissive - especially if you're not fully disentangled from your ex's influence, it's very intimidating (I have more than once hidden when I saw my ex in the distance). But you have options, and none of them is the road to disaster.

Well I didn't go to the meeting. I have written letter to B.O.G. Sigh. I haven't sent it yet but honestly, I want nothing to do with him and do not want to sit in countless meetings with him for years to come with teachers behaving as though we're a married couple. [Vomit]

green I totally understand that sentiment - it took me 4 years to tolerate it for DDs sake.

Well I have spent nearly 3 years now and a lot longer before that tolerating him for the children's sake. Now I think it's better for myself and the children if I don't sit in a room with him.

If you don't mind telling me why it's good for your Dd that you and your (EA?) ex attend parent/teacher meetings together, please do tell.

if your child is having specific issues at school teacher will be happy to meet you on another occasion

really i dont think court will care wherther or not you attended parent teacher evening - they care if there evidence of neglect of harm.

not going to a parent evening is really not evidence of neglect or harm.

how many other parents do you think could not attend for one reason or another? probably a few . will they be hauled up before the headteacher or lea? i dont think so. let it go he really cannot do much with this . you have to let him wirte to his solicitor or tell a judge - the judge wont care so long as you getting your kid to school on time feeding clothing and showing interest in other ways than attending this meeting

green My DD is slightly older, and makes appointments with her various teachers on our behalf. While its quite possible for her to schedule 2 appointments with each teacher, she is desperate to conform with the 'norm'. She is also present at the appointments herself, and seeing each teacher twice just added to her discomfort.

What are you anticipating will happen as your DD gets older? Open days? At school performances? Award ceremonies? Her wedding day? If she chooses to have her Dad in her life, then there will be situations in which you will be faced with a choice of being there with him, or not attending.

As for the legal implications of not attending the parents evening - I suggest you change your legal advice if they have placed so much emphasis on that - my DH is in the middle of court proceedings at the moment (to remove all contact between him and his DCs) and that kind if minutia just doesn't feature at all.

I know. I haven't looked very far ahead. At the moment I'm taking things one day at a time. It's tough.