EA ex now intending to continue to control via school

[GreenRedBlueYellowPurple]

Hello all

Regular on here. Just namechanged. My EA ex has newly decided to attend parent teacher meeting. His reasons for doing this are

1. to harass me as well as

1. to appear to be good in the eyes of the school

1. to get things to incriminate me and use in the court process to attempt to take children away from me

No proof of domestic violence and therefore the headmaster will not allow separate interviews

Please some advice on what I can do!!!!

Appeal what? The court order?

You can only appeal if the Judge made an error in law and only if done so with a finite time after the hearing.

How long ago was the last hearing? Was there a Sec7 report done by CAFCASS? Was there a Fact Finding carried out in your case?

Your immediate concern is getting the school onside or at least complying with guidelines w.r.t. treating you fairly and with respect. Focus on that.

I am getting a letter for the school. In fact 2 letters: one from the solicitor and one from womens aid to support it

I have now given the letters to the school. P/t meeting is this afternoon. Headmaster says he is not making separate appointments. Please advise. I am absolutely HEARTBROKEN that I cannot go to the appointment. My ex has had NOTHING to do with their schooling but because he will be there, I cannot go

Previous posters have said that I should go and appear to be brave. I'm not brave. My face is soaked with tears and I'm a mess. Please help.

Now you write to the board of governors.

What do you think they will do

green what is the teacher going to tell you at the parents evening that you don't already know? Is this the only chance you'll have to speak to your DCs teacher for the rest of the year? The Head clearly has an agenda, but they have to treat parents equally, and if you ask to see a teacher in a few weeks time, it won't look good if the school refuse. That is the time to complain.

I understand that you are upset, but please, find a way to prioritise the things in your DCs lives that your ex can affect. Going to a parents evening is not a big thing compared to what you have already lived through, and other things you will face in the future.

I wonder if your reaction to this isn't about the parents evening itself, but the realisation that no matter what you do, your abusive ex will always have an influence over your life? You can get help to deal with those emotions, so that his influence is eventually immaterial to you.

The board of governors can make the headteacher give you a separate meeting. There is no `rules' that the headteacher is following - it's his personal decision.

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple - I've helped people with similar situations. Mainly dads who are doing their best to stay in their childrens' lives while their exs try to stop them attending parents evenings (usually stating the same thing you are here), true.

But on every occasion it has been possible for their to be separate meetings.

I have never heard of separated parents not being allowed to attend parents night meetings separately.

Take it over HTs head.

I'm so upset at not being able to attend this afternoon as I always do. I know the ex will now use this against me in the court process that I did not go!

The head is saying that he does not want to put his teachers in this position. I don't know what to do! I'd like to be brave and just go but I CAN'T! I can't bear to see him. It's killing me that I can't attend as I am a parent who is very pro-education!!!!!!

Lostdad his presence at my meeting today is preventing ME, the resident parent, from attending. Not vice versa!

I don't have any PROOF of domestic violence other than womens aid saying it took place. Are the board of Governers even going to listen to me? Solid Gold Brass where are you when I need you? :-)

Would you be able to take someone to the meeting with you for support? Someone from womens aid or your solicitor, or just a friend?

It makes no difference if you are the resident or non resident parent (assuming your ex has PR). You both have equal status in terms of attending court orders unless you have an order that says otherwise.

A letter from Women's Aid isn't `proof' that domestic violence occurred either. But that's still not the point even if it was the case.

You are not going to get something like a court order telling the headmaster he has to allow two separate meeting. Which means you have to seek an alternate solution. The board of governors have power over the headteacher so if you are getting no joy from him you should consider escalating it to them.

What the headteacher thinks is irrelevant.

There is no good reason why you can't have a separate meeting and they are unlikely to say `no'. And if they do, there are further steps you can take - like contacting the LEA.

I haven't arranged a friend to come OR a childminder unfortunately but for the sake of future interviews, it will prob be necessary to look at this long-term and so turning up with a friend will not be helpful I don't think.

In the meantime, please try and keep this in perspective - your Dzc will not be disadvantaged/suffer if you do not attend today - it really doesn't matter in the long term.

Yes, it's disappointing that you can't go, but unfortunately, there may be other things you are unwilling to attend in the future because of your exs presence and you will be facing many more difficult decisions in the future. Keep this one in perspective.

Thanks Frog yes I have been through the mill recently and am in tatters so easy to lose perspective and feel awful but have spent afternoon playing with kids, eating etc and feeling a bit better.

Have read your thread and just giving support
You can phone the teacher to make an appointment to speak them in the morning I'm sure they will
Keep disengaging from him and ignore the crap and focus on your health and well being and dcs good luck

I'm not sure if the teachers will be allowed to speak to me. The headmaster has told me there won't be separate meetings. The teachers are all being told they have to obey!

If it is the case that the headmaster has forbidden the teachers to speak to you in this way then as Serobin says, involve the governors. He's seriously exceeding his authority for no good reason.
On one hand, when you are upset and you have already had dealings with a manipulative, abusive individual it's easy to feel that everyone's against you and has sinister motives - the head teacher could just be a lazy box-ticker who CBA to arrange seperate appointments but won't prevent you from speaking to DS's form teacher informally.

Unfortunately it could also be the case that this particular head teacher is a misogynist, who thinks that women who complain of abuse or leave abusive men are 'making a fuss about nothing' and 'shouldn't be indulged.' This needs dealing with as (broadly) it's a child protection issue with wider implications. A school head who won't listen to abuse survivors may place DC in danger by allowing them to be taken from school by an abusive man, for instance, despite having been warned not to do so.

What do you mean by an informal meeting? At the usual meetings I attend, we (teacher and I) look through child's books in detail and discuss work, how he is in class etc

I am writing to board of Governers but do you think I should ask teacher for an 'informal' meeting?

Yes SGB he is a complete misogynist and didn't even cast more than a glance over the letters.