Can someone just pop in and say well done for being an adult (please)?

[WithConfidence]

My ex keeps smugly telling me that ds doesn't want to come home (ie back to me).

I don't tell him that ds also sometimes says he doesn't want to see daddy. Because I know he doesn't mean it, he's small and so isn't able to talk about what is worrying him (starting nursery) so says he doesn't want to do X or eat his food or whatever. I also don't think it is helpful information to pass on. And perhaps if he actually stuck to his contact better ds wouldn't feel so insecure about things.

RAAAH!

He's playing you, simple as. Being a git and trying to hurt you. Keep rising above. You see that, we that. But hats off, and congratulations for being the adult in this scenario. Well done!

Definitely. You are doing the right thing for your son and you are becoming an even stronger better person.

You know your ex is a twat. Sadly for him, he will always be a twat. You, on the other hand, are a wonderful, well adjusted human being that is bringing up a beautiful child despite the ex's best efforts to de-rail you.

just for you

Well done for being the adult in this relationship and remembering that your DS is at the centre of it. A huge pat on the back and onwards and upwards!

You are wonderful. I know exactly how hard this is. DS1 left for six days with his dad yesterday and didn't want to go an was asking me to ask his dad to make it a shorter visit. I didn't pass any of this on. I just gently encouraged and then distracted as I know he finds the transition hard and during the last few weeks he's missed his dad and new baby siblings (long way away and 4 hour journey so visits half terms and holidays). He is 8 now but it was even harder when he eas two and three and had massive separation anxiety from me and I did everything to hrlp him to go even though it broke my heart.

You are the adult and you are behaving like one. Your ex isn't. xxx

My ex is the same. I just ignore though at first I used to bite. You are doing right. Just stick twos up behind his back or something to make you feel better.

I used to do a 'fuck you' dance and song.

Thank you so much everyone, MN is great for people who get how bloody hard this is sometimes.

I appear to have something in my eye .

Well done
Is your eye ok : o_O

My ex used to smugly tell me that the DDs were always so well behaved when they were with him, I didn't dislike him enough to say that yes but they always behave with people they didn't know very well!

wish my exes ex wife had been like this. their youngest would, understandably sometimes, do the can we make it shorter/change it etc and she would pander to it and make it a fight. And yet when she was with us she had a brilliant time! bloody difficult but well done you for making it as positive as possible. That is all they need, reassurance.

Well done you. Silly man, childish is exactly the word!

Good for you. I don't think a lot of people who aren't or have never been LPs realise how tiring it is to somehow find a way of being the bigger person.

SP I like the sound of your song. I do something similar.. I also call him a cunt sometimes. In jest. Or so he thinks. It helps.

Sorry OP, you're doing a great job by your son. It's hard to be the adult when you're dealing with childish behaviour from the ex. Hats off to you for doing it with grace.

I don't know about 'with grace', I do a lot of eye rolling while neither of them can see me, searching for ds' other shoe or whatever.

But thanks everyone.

I know it stems from ex's insecurity.

The sad thing is it means I have given up on co-parenting with him as any time I try and discuss any issues ds is having, he just drones on about how ds never does that with him (even when this is an obvious lie - ie he's returned pissy clothes to me yet denies he ever has accidents with him) and uses it as proof that ds should see him more (while cancelling the contact he does have).