Lonely...

[sadelephants]

Hi all,

I split from my partner a week ago, it was a loveless relationship but I feel really lonely now. I don't have many friends and my family live several hours away. I'm finding life lonely, exdp was my main company and so I feel quite cut off now.

I have a two yo dc so can't go out in the evenings, I have mum friends I meet for coffee twice a week but I feel quite rubbish in their company - they are all happily married, planning more dcs etc whereas I'm trying to work out how to pay bills (I work part-time, exp will pay child support but it'll still be tight).

Does anyone have any tips for feeling less lonely?

Can you join a club with dc - local libraries often do reading clubs for kids that are free.

Or you could try mumsnet local, you may be surprised how many other mums are in the same position as yourself in your area.

So sorry to hear you're feeling like this. Not in your situation but didn't want to read and run. I was [happily] single for many years, so didn't have an OH to keep me company. I spent lots of time speaking to friends and family on the phone, spent quite a bit of time on dating websites (you could substitute those for this forum until you're ready for man-browsing) and I also wasted spent loads of time over the years on various hobbies - reading, sewing, scrapbooking, gardening, upcycling furniture, etc.

Perhaps you've always fancied having a go at something and never got round to it? I often miss "me time" - especially reading - and still intend to take up knitting and/or crochet one day (I'm an old biddy at heart). And I'm thrifty, so I always found my books in charity shops or bought my fabric in the sale - hobbies don't have to cost a fortune. My point is, throwing yourself into something new might help to take your mind off things - especially as it's still very early days for you.

I'm in a similar situation as my dh and I are separating we have two dd but he is in process of finding a house. so at moment still here. I'm already thinking of how lonely it will be. but I'm also thinking of the time and emotions I will now not have to waste on trying to make it work. I've started to look forward to doing as I want and not all around dh and his job. dh and I been together 13yrs so know its going to be very tough and different but as someone else on thread said I'm going to try a new hobby,read, get used to my own company etc. I've already looked for local single parent groups maybe you could start there? good luck

look for local mums and tots groups. most church's have one.

I love going! I hate bank holidays now haha

Thanks. I think I'm starting to get used to it now. It's quite nice to tidy up and then read a book in the evening, I'm sure I'll have lonely moments but getting there overall.

I was in a similar position years ago, am now mostly very happy. I made lots of friends through nursery and school. Still remember the times when dd was young and it was just me and her with great fondness. No one else around to throw a spanner in the works. It is natural to feel lonely after a split, but this will pass. I can understand the comparing that you are doing. I used to go to a post natal group of mothers with perfect relationships and feel inferior. Some of their relationships have now ended, other people's lives are not always how we imagine. I hope you are getting more used to the situation and wish you the very best of luck.

Thanks Unwritten, your post has filled me with hope! You've confirmed what I thought with my friends, though I don't wish divorce on any of them, I am close to around six other mums, statistically I won't be the only one to split in the long run and I guess I'll be experienced to help if any of them need me (in the nicest possible way).

Can friends/family visit you in the evenings? I made sure I wasn't on my own for the first 3 weeks. 12 weeks on and I have a friend over once a week and am fine all the other evenings. Have started DIY jobs that have needed doing for years and it's making me feel brilliant!

Agree about the 'perfect' relationships... Me and exh were one of those couples on the outside! Everyone was completely shocked (including me) when exh left and then moved in with the ow and her kids! It's always the ones you lest expect! Also, since all this happened, I've discovered some of my other friends aren't as happy as they seem. Sad but true!

You're welcome sadelephants! Another bonus is that a 2yo is young enough to absorb the relationship ending without the anguish some older children go through when their parents split.
I was once approached by a playground mum I hardly knew, when her partner left, because I had been through it and you are right to think this will happen to you. So do not think of yourself as rubbish, you are managing a situation that happens to lots of people and gaining experience that will enable you to support others in the future.
I remember I went to adult ed classes (picking something for fun more than education). Is there anything like that where you are? What about different playgroups or mums and toddlers type things. They lead to more contacts and potential friends for you.
I think children can bring enormous joy into your life, but their demands are constant and the whole repetitive process can be tedious too, so it is important to look after yourself.
Just remembered I saw a baby signing programme when dd was around 2yo. This was amazing, I made up hand signals for all sorts of things (milk, water, book, bed, sleep, sandwich, different foods and animals etc) and we communicated with those before she could say the words. It's nothing complex, people do it naturally for bye bye, just don't normally extend it to other words. Dd used to ask for a story using the book sign. Honestly it was so rewarding and lots of fun.
Wish you all the best!

Oh, sudden thought... I figured so many things were amazing about dd growing up that I would never forget them, but frankly as time has passed, I have forgotten most of them! Why not use some evening time to keep a diary (of the good things)? It could be written just for you, or for both you and dc to read later in life. I wish I had done it!
Dd is 14 now, so I have missed a good chunk of life, but it is never too late to start!
If I had not seen your post and thought about all this I would not have thought of doing this now, thank you!

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