Bridget Jones + one... how do you meet someone when you are a single mum?

[Fluffybubble]

I know that this is probably going to seem like a daft question...

I am a sociable person but virtually everything I do revolves around my ds (2 1/2). I have attempted to do the internet thing (Matchdotcom) and have now registered with directdating following recommendation from others on mn... I met up with one person from Match but he turned out to be an expert in the internet dating game (was still searching for others whilst seeing me), I am so naive!

I have been single for over a year now (longer if you count the year before x-dh finally left!!). My mum has recently said that it won't be too long before ds goes to school (school, not pre-school!!!) and I can get back out there... I can't wait another 2 1/2 years!!

I am sounding sad and desperate, I know . I am eyeing up any poor bloke (single!) that comes my way and I know that I must be giving out scary manic vibes!!

The main problem is that I was with xh for 13 years (since school), with only a few "flings" when we were "on a break" at uni... I am so rubbish at the whole dating thing...!!!

My friends have all paired up (I went to 7 weddings last year!!) and they are thinking about babies not nights on the town...

Any advice / inspiring tales welcome...

Well done too bluejelly!!

Maybe the fear-factor was inhibiting you on the first date...it's like Kirsty & Phil say on Location (kind of!!!), second viewings are all about the important stuff, looking beneath the (polite) exterior and getting down to the nitty-gritty (fanciable bloke!).

MM, am sure that it is all about confidence...I have officially retired from internet dating as is quite scary stuff! Is also quite brutal, the blokes I have spoken to / met have a long list of their ideal woman qualities and if you don't quite measure up then they move on to the next...not good for a fragile ego!! I prefer to think of it as their loss! Am now waiting to be bowled over by someone lovely in the freezer aisle at Tescos...may be waiting a long time... but in the meantime I am thanking my lucky stars that I don't have to share my lovely cool bed with a horrible sweaty man at the moment!!

nikkie - am in similar position as was with xh from when I was 17 (am now 31)... when we got together it was a matter of his mate telling my mate that he fancied me & was going to ask me out etc... things are trickier now...

I guess that your mates are just looking out for you...I would hope that as you know this person through work he will have an idea that you are not a fling-type person. Is really difficult to say if he has "many" friends, as there is always the possibility that he is out for what he can get . It may be better to know that now, rather than further down the line when you may get (more) hurt...Hopefully, he will prove everyone wrong and turn out to be a decent one (I have heard rumours that there are some out there!!). Go with your instincts, if you think you can handle a flirtation then go for it...If you think you really do care then maybe you need to ask the questions now...

I don't mind the flirty stuff just don't want to lose the friendship(ish) we have now, but if it went more serious think that would go anyway, another reason to hold back!

Sounds like a really promising start...caution is probably name of the game, let him woo you...!! If it doesn't end up coming to anything much romantically then you will still have your friendship so win/win really!

Flirting is always good..maybe look at this as an opportunity to develop your flirting at the very least. I found that the internet thing really helped, just because I was back "out there". I felt like I had been in hibernation for ages so worse case scenario was that I had a dodgy date. Having said that, it has also made me realise that I am quite a lot more independent than I previously thought, and that I am prepared to be fussy in the future .

If this is the first man that you have truly fancied in a long time then enjoy the moment . Plus, (am about to undermine all of my sensible advice!!) life is a bit short not to take some chances...

thanks don't know whether to just see him at party(and see if he does anything?) or ask him if he wants to meet earlier (and ask him ?)

Depends on your level of friendship really...how about you suggest meeting for a drink first, then see if the right moment arises? If it doesn't, proceed to party and let him make any more moves...if things are even remotely murky (iro possible gf) then let him persuade you to give him a try...make him work for you!!

Was hoping that the alcohol would do the work , then i could blame that if it went pearshaped
But seriously think I will have to see if he does anything, or just go for the kiss goodnight and see what happens [confused face]

Good plan!!

Have sensible head on again this morning!! Basically, you need to know what his position is before you commit yourself...you don't need to be messed around if (big if!) there is a gf on the scene...

Think you need to ask..if you don't and you go for the goodnight kiss and THEN find out there is a significant other it will be very tough to take (plus, would you really want to be with someone that would behave that way??). Just thinking aloud really but I don't think you have anything to lose by asking. If he is single and a nice person he will make that clear, if not...would steer clear (sorry )

my brain says that too but my hormones don't
Hopefully someone will have researched for me so I don't have to! but thought if there is a gf he may bring her anyway

Atm I am feeling not so bothered about it anyway I could handle a gf and it not spoil my evening , just find this all so confusing,
Send me your good luck vibes for tonight , may just see what he does!

Good luck vibes winging their way to you!!

Really hope it goes well .

Hormones have a lot to answer for, still if it has been a while then maybe they are on the right track!!

Look after yourself and have a fantastic night, whatever happens...

Keep me updated (am living vicariously through you now!!!)

Well night out not up to much really loads of people away so very quiet party and he ddn't turn up have updated other thread

Have updated other thread too

UPDATE: Date three a great success, he was very sweet and charming and we were snogging like teenagers
Feeling quite loved up which is surprise to say the least!

I learnt today that if you get to date 3 then that is a big deal. I thought it would just be great to get a date. I feel so mature now.

Well done where did you go where you going next, when? details needed.

Is date 3 a big deal? Kind of feels as if we are in relationship territory now so guess that's true.

I do really like him and he seems so much more relaxed about the single parent thing than my ex who used to make a huge deal out of the fact that I had a daughter.

Not sure where we will go but will be this week...

bluejelly..."snogging like teenagers" v !!

me too!

Yes was told today that first date well thats the day you meet normally ie in the club, you get the date 2nd date then he likes you enough and then if he likes what he has seen then you get to a third otherwise you dont. I didnt read the article but wish i had.

Thanks guys. He sent me loads of sweet messages today saying how nice it was getting to know me.
Was about to write something here about feeling like I don't deserve to meet someone so nice so quickly, as only split with ex a few months ago. But then remembered that ex was an arse who made me cry all the time, so kind of feel I deserve some niceness in my life!