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Original poster

Bridget Jones + one... how do you meet someone when you are a single mum?

94 replies

Fluffybubble · 04/07/2006 22:24

I know that this is probably going to seem like a daft question...

I am a sociable person but virtually everything I do revolves around my ds (2 1/2). I have attempted to do the internet thing (Matchdotcom) and have now registered with directdating following recommendation from others on mn... I met up with one person from Match but he turned out to be an expert in the internet dating game (was still searching for others whilst seeing me), I am so naive!

I have been single for over a year now (longer if you count the year before x-dh finally left!!). My mum has recently said that it won't be too long before ds goes to school (school, not pre-school!!!) and I can get back out there... I can't wait another 2 1/2 years!!

I am sounding sad and desperate, I know . I am eyeing up any poor bloke (single!) that comes my way and I know that I must be giving out scary manic vibes!!

The main problem is that I was with xh for 13 years (since school), with only a few "flings" when we were "on a break" at uni... I am so rubbish at the whole dating thing...!!!

My friends have all paired up (I went to 7 weddings last year!!) and they are thinking about babies not nights on the town...

Any advice / inspiring tales welcome...

OP posts:
bluejelly · 11/07/2006 10:28

Well done to you FB. The way I see it the chances of a random date resulting in both parties fancying each other must be one in ten at best... so really don't take that guy's reaction personally, you felt the same way!

Even though there might be setbacks, you've got to be in it to win it ( cheesy I know) and I reckon it is worth perservering.
Good luck with your internet men!

PS As for my date, no he doesn't have kids...however my ex didn't either and he didn't come across as so naive... But I am prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt, we'll see what happens second time round!

Original poster
Fluffybubble · 11/07/2006 12:16

I know that you are right, feeling a bit less embarrassed by it today...have to admit that I think I was expecting almost instant results now that I have decided to get back out there!

Maybe just look at the second date as the decider...& go with your instincts (have to say that I am rubbish at doing this, keep hanging on in there hoping things will improve!). Is worth a try though, as he may have been as nervous as you were.

Have said thanks but no thanks to one man on the dating site and he seems to have taken this as a challenge... I have received three messages since!! Has done my ego some good though .

Another that I emailed has replied requesting more photos of me and the only ones I have are those of my wedding day...maybe not!!

OP posts:
bluejelly · 11/07/2006 12:34

LOL at the pictures... almost all my pics have either my ex or my dd in them-- again not the best way of finding a new geezer is it?

Original poster
Fluffybubble · 11/07/2006 12:39

I don't think so either but lots of the photos on the site are obviously cute, couply ones with the ex's head cut off!! Not sure that that will bode well....!!

OP posts:
almostanangel · 11/07/2006 12:40

lol at fb and the interview thing
really does feel like that ,,,and i really hate the "we didnt click" when you meet someone ..but hey im chilled argggggggggggghhh

sanchpanch · 11/07/2006 12:42

what sites are you all using and how much is it?

Original poster
Fluffybubble · 11/07/2006 13:00

I have used match dot com, which was quite in depth and fairly expensive (I think about £25 for a month...seemed a lot to me ).

Now I am on dating direct dot com, following recommendations from mnetters. At the moment you can do a 3 day trial for £4.99, which is what I have done (twice now!!). It seems to be a reputable site and I have heard of at least one happy ending (does big white wedding = happy ending?? Whole other thread, I think!!).

Worth a try (she says, having only two more days to go!) . I have had one date out of it though...

Almostanangel, glad I'm not the only one that feels that way!!

OP posts:
almostanangel · 11/07/2006 13:18

fb ,,lol if you want to compare dates etc ,,im on [email protected] come say hi

sanchpanch · 11/07/2006 13:27

blimey it is very expensive, luckily i dont have a credit card otherwise i might be tempted, i have thought about speed dating but i havent got the confidence to do it

almostanangel · 11/07/2006 13:34

hey shall we meet up and go speed dating togeather

sanchpanch · 11/07/2006 15:53

yeah that would be great where do you live? i am in milton keynes.

when me and my ex split i went on a relate course called new life new challenge, and i still meet up with the others from the group once a month, there is a young guy in the group who actually asked me out but he isnt my type so i said no, but i have thought about asking him to come speed dating with me, then at least if all else fail we can tick each other boxes, so we are guaranteed one tick, (or whatever they do)

i am just so scared of rejection

bluejelly · 11/07/2006 16:03

Speed dating scares the hell out of me I must say

lou33 · 11/07/2006 16:19

i wouldnt feel too disappointed that the dates werent as you wanted/expected, you should treat them as part of the learning curve for working out what you do and dont want

also you had a decent night out

Original poster
Fluffybubble · 11/07/2006 17:44

Dating Direct organise speed dating - was looking into it earlier...am I coming across as completely desperate??!! .

It costs about £20 for the evening...so maybe just a one-off? A friend of mine went speed-dating with his brother when the brother was single - my friend wasn't single and felt obliged to tell the girls he met this. From what I can gather he was almost lynched (sp?) for wasting their time!! I gathered from that experience that a lot of the girls who go are "determined" (that's the polite way of putting it!) in their approach! It may come as a refreshing change to meet some lovely, normal girls (us!!)! .

Nb. Just realised that I sound like an advert for dating direct, I promise that they are not sponsoring me!!

Thanks for your address aaa, will be in touch to compare notes!

OP posts:
sanchpanch · 11/07/2006 18:08

i would be up for speed dating, at least you get to see if there is a spark between you i quite fancy the lock and key parties aswell,

i am not desperate have been single for a year now, would just like some dates

Original poster
Fluffybubble · 11/07/2006 21:24

I am in Aylesbury so not that far from you sanchpanch...maybe we you sort a night out!

What is a lock and key party??? Sounds interesting / vaguely kinky [very naive emoticon!]

OP posts:
sanchpanch · 11/07/2006 21:54

lock and key isn't kinky.....

it is a single's party and one sex has the keys and the other sex has the locks then you have to find the one's that fit together, just for fun and i guess it is a good ice breaker at a single party,

just looked at speed datin in milton keynes, and the next one id tomorrow night at oceana, bit short notice, although sometimes i am better with things that are close i sometimes chicken out if there is a long time to wait as it gives me to much time to think about it

nikkie · 11/07/2006 22:24

went on a speed dating night once , went with a mate moreorless walked straight back out, youngestbloke was 45 ish (I was 23 at the time) so we never went through with it, never heard of anymore in the area.

Original poster
Fluffybubble · 12/07/2006 15:38

Think I may be coming to the end as far as my enthusiasm for internet dating is concerned... the latest person I have been speaking to (email) has requested that I post more pictures of myself on the site so he can confirm that I really do look like my profile photo .

He says that he has had a couple of unfortunate experiences, where girls have stated that they are "average/medium" build when in fact they were quite "large"!!!! He seems to have been a bit traumatised by this!

So many of the men on the site state their requirements to be; attractive, slim, fit, independent, funny, intelligent etc etc etc...Most of the men making these requests are nothing special themselves!

I found myself promising to search out some more photos...am I being completely dumb, or would you all consider this a valid consideration?

OP posts:
bluejelly · 12/07/2006 15:52

Mmm not sure. Part of me thinks you've got nothing to lose, part of me things he should stop being so picky!

bluejelly · 12/07/2006 15:53

Think you should insist on some extra photos from him. Including swimwear

nikkie · 12/07/2006 20:14

don't forget to share them then we can give him a score out of 10!

Original poster
Fluffybubble · 12/07/2006 22:50

I like that idea!!

Am not sure that am going to persue this one, though, the conversation is kind of hard work...maybe if he looked good in his trunks I could be persuaded though...

OP posts:
QueenEagle · 12/07/2006 22:57

There is hope!

I was left on my own with 3 kids and during the first year was eyeing up any old bloke who looked desparate! After about 18 months I chilled out and started enkoying my life - going swimming, playing netball, meeting with friends, dating the odd bloke here and there, even though I didn't want anything serious at that time.

Then, by chance I met my dh. We met for a drink with friends then satrted seeing each other alone then after about 4 months he moved in and a year later we were married and we now have 2 of our own kids making it 5 altogether!!

Love happens when you aren't looking for it! Chill out, learn to like and love yourself and your life and it will happen when you least expect it!

nikkie · 12/07/2006 22:59

took me 5 years to get to the eyeing up anyold bloke stage