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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

what am i doing wrong.

13 replies

muser31 · 22/09/2013 12:43

my dd's behaviour has been AWFUL. granted she is only 2, she is dropping her nap, she could be teething. but i am not joking, she is crying a lot, won't cooperate with pretty much anything.
today i brought her to church. she doesn't last through one song and i take her into nursery - thats fine kids aren't meant to sit through church. during creache, she is a nightmare, throwing herself on the ground, pulling kids off other toys, NO other kids i have ever seen behave like this. i have to take her out early and go home in tears with her crying in the car. she is on all the time about her dodo. the hv said its easier for me to get her to give it up now rather than later, i am finding it a bloody nightmare. i am positive she is not like this with her dad. is it because she is with me all the time? im so upset, my nerves are wrecked i feel like i can't cope. i look at all the good kids in church why can't mine be like that.

OP posts:

farrowandbawl · 22/09/2013 15:06

How long has this been going on for?

Original poster

muser31 · 22/09/2013 16:46

about 3 weeks

OP posts:

farrowandbawl · 22/09/2013 18:32

It's still early days, with the dummy thing. Hang in there.

It's not you, it's not her dad, it's just that she's pushing her luck with you because you are the one who is there. She sounds as though she has a stubborn streak in her and at that age, they tend to push the boundrys a hell of a lot more. She knows exactly which buttons to press with you.

As for other kids being good? I can promise you, I've caught someone comparing her kids to mine, commenting on how well behaved they are (her's were acting up, and had been for a while by the sound of it) but what she didn't see, was me reading them the riot act 2 minutes before hand because they were being little sods as well.

Lonecatwithkitten · 22/09/2013 18:56

Personally I went with the wait till they are old enough to make the decision to give up the Dummy DD was 3 years almost exactly she swapped for a Snow White dress and never heard about mimi again.
What my DD did at this age was test boundaries a lot. I just stuck to my guns and was consistent and we emerged on the other side intact.

chocoreturns · 22/09/2013 19:01

if you and your DD aren't ready to give up her dodie screw the HV. My son just gave up his on his 3rd birthday. I know it's not ideal, but the 'ideal' time for him to give it up fell pretty much exactly when my ex walked out on us both, so I decided not to take it then. And as a result he had it precisely 20 months longer than I planned for him to have it. However, two weeks before his birthday I told him the dodie fairy was coming on his birthday and would leave a chocolate coin for his dodie, we discussed it (you can when they are nearly 3) and bang, birthday, chocolate coin, no more dodie. Job done. He hasn't asked for it since.

As for her behaviour, you sound really tired and stressed and my DC play up like mad when I'm feeling like that. Can anyone help you out a bit more in the evenings? My church community have been amazing, seriously - don't be afraid to ask for help from your church mums. Someone will be happy to come and help you put her to bed, or to bung you a casserole in the oven and have dinner with you once a week for a month. Those sort of things make me feel like a human being when I reach breaking point. Knowing I'm not the only responsible adult on duty. If you have a family worker at your church have a quiet word, that's what they are for. I've had church mums come and clean my loo for me and take the DC to playgroup before when I've been desperate! I'd always do the same for someone who needed it. x

Original poster

muser31 · 22/09/2013 19:04

thanks guys. i feel emotionally wiped out. i will just keep being consistent with her and maybe not bring her to places i know will be stress inducing for me until shes a bit older. and i don't think i can face the battle with the dodo again tomorrow - the hv said it would be easier doing it now as i can distract her, but trust me the distractions are not working, there are full melt downs and it is not worth it. if i were to wait till she was around 3 and she was able to swop it for something and understand what had happened much better, then i would prefer that.

OP posts:

farrowandbawl · 22/09/2013 19:10

HV don't know your child like you do.

If you and your child are not ready to give it up, then don't. Sod the HV.

farrowandbawl · 22/09/2013 19:12

Sorry that was horrible. (tired)

The HV DOESN'T know your child like you do.

scarlettsmummy2 · 22/09/2013 20:19

Give her the dummy! How many adults do you know still sucking them! Don't stress.

Agnesboo · 22/09/2013 20:22

Give her the dummy.

( mum of 6, none are on it now and all 4 and over they all give it around 3 -3.5)

Agnesboo · 22/09/2013 20:23

*give it up.

queenofthepirates · 22/09/2013 20:28

I've got a 2.5yo and she's been a little swine today! Pulling my hair, hitting me and running off, refusing to stop. She is never like that with anyone else, just me. I am guessing she is pushing the boundaries so I've been extra careful to follow through with time outs.

You are not alone!

Original poster

muser31 · 23/09/2013 19:50

honestly this thread has made me feel so much better thanks all for support. ive given her back the dodo and i have been more prepared for her tantrums mentally and just knowing that others are finding this age really difficult is helping too. at the end of the day the hv isn't the one here living my life and dealing with the melt downs. she was scaring me with stories of children in school uniforms with dodos - but from what ive heard on here, and from all my friends irl is that they do give them up or you can bargain with them around 3ish so i feel more confident now in letting her have it. i dont need that kind of pressure at the minute. i would have a nervous break down if i tried taking it off her again!

choc it sounds like you have great support from your church family - that is so lovely and it is hard to find! that is the way it should be in a church family. i do have friends and that, but most of them have children and it ends up being more stress - like today my friend came round and it was lovely to see her but we spent 3 hours trying to stop our kids who are the same age killing each other cos they are both possessive over toys and won't share. they both mashed food into the floors and i ended up cleaning for ages afterwards. i feel like having a social life is just more work. if i ask a friend who doesn't have kids to come over i will stress about what to cook for them (i just cook simple things as dd hangs onto my leg the whole time). i know its important to socialise though and that im lucky to have these friends so i am trying to keep meeting up with them. im just so tired all the time. thanks for listening!

OP posts:

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