I want to got and live in Daddy's big house.

[ilovehugs]

Is anyone else in the position where they are worrying about this happening one day in X years time?

I gave up my job to be a FTM to my two aged 8 and 6. I know work as a TA in a school (hours that will suit them) and earn all of about 10k. I live in a small rented house which I moved into to our jointly owned house could be sold.

I am intending to work my ass off over the next however-many years to up my salary. But I'm so scared that I wont manage it and by the time they hit there teens (or before) they will want to go and live with their dad who is on about 50k and has been living rent free at his parents whilst charging me half of the mortgage on an empty house.

Kids came back from a weekend of treats with daddy who has been telling them about the big house he is going to buy and that they can live with him in it if they want to.

Feel heartbroken, alone and very worried about the future. :( :( :(

This is every seperated parents biggest fear. That they will lose their children to the other parent. Remember bigger does not always mean better. Children know who loves and cares for them and if its both of you thats great but the one with the biggest house, flashest presents will not win over a childs affections long term. Divorce is so so awful for all concerned and you need to remember that what you are feeling is normal given the circumstances. Go easy on yourself and deal with the real problems/obstacles you have in front of you right now. You are already building the foundations of a more properous future for yourself and your children. Your happiness is an important thing to strive for too. Try to live a bit more in the present and cherish the time you have with your kids now. Yes they are their own people but they will always be our babies. I'm sure your greatest fear will never be realised. Hugs x

Thanks Lizzie x x

Hugs xx

Sorry to hear about this it must be hard.

Whereas my ex has a pit of a home of his own more like a shantytown style ghetto dwelling really with two alcoholic tenants residing upstairs that he rents that part of the house out to - they are so full on with their drinking they rarely eat meals and I can't imagine my son ever wanting to move there!

Sometimes they wander down the stairs and talk to our son which is why I have stopped the weekends and only let him have our child when he is down in London staying at his extended family relatives etc.

Don't our exes just drive us bonkers!

I have to say however that mothers are invariably the more patient and effective parent it is rare that the fathers excel over the mothers in their parenting techniques I think it is most unlikely they would last in his roomy house should they ever take him up on the offer.

I would try not to worry. HTH.

It's easier said than done, but try not to worry. As kids get older, they become very wise to the emotional blackmail that some NRPs use. Ex and OW live in a huge, posh house, which they can afford because they don't pay any maintenance. He plies them with expensive gifts but eldest in particular is starting to see through it - it's bloody hard to overhear a child tell her friends that daddy buys her whatever she wants

At the end of the day though, the prospect of having to actually look after kids fulltime is enough to send parents like your Ex running for the hills. If all of this talk of them going to live with him starts to affect them negatively, you are perfectly within your rights to confront him head on. If it's simply an attempt to get at you it is so very wrong

My DCs have chosen to stay with me in my little house rather than go to their father's huge house. Their home is with me and they have always felt that. I wouldn't worry. They will suss it out for themselves. Honest

By the time they teens you might be happy for them to go live with dad ! Just establish set pattern of contact, be happy for them they get treats with dad and don't try to compete... Remember what they most appreciate is time spent with you, so pllaying abput ina aprk with you for freee, time spent exploring and taking a picnic put, cheap outings but your time...

Just tell them they can decide when they sixteen who to live with. By then they will. Know which parent they can trust. If it is both equally well all well and good.

Cruel of him to toy with them like this. It's not for him to be saying to them and its like trying to buy them. I would laugh it off with them and say something like 'aw, I'd miss you too much' and not give too much weight to it.

If he's earning £50k then he presumably isn't working school hours and able to get the holidays off is he? Children need care from the parent who they live with, not a large house with no parent in it most of the time. So I wouldn't worry. If your ex can afford a house where they have their own rooms for when they visit, that's lovely for them. They can "live" with him at weekends or whenever they go there, but still have their main home with you. I'd brush off anything else they come out with pretty lightly, just as droflove suggests (though agree you might want to keep an open mind for the mid-teenage years )

(of if your ex is earning £50k working school hours and able to get the holidays off, then please tell me what job he has as I'll retrain!)

I understand your anxiety. I've experienced similar fear myself. However...

My DD (6) has not yet told me she wants to go and live with her dad, but she did tell me recently (in a strop) that she wanted to go and live with her grandparents. My response? I called her bluff. I said, 'Oh. Well I expect I'll miss you, but if that's what you want, let's go and phone Nanna and tell her you're coming, then I'll help you pack, shall I?'

Cue much wailing of 'Nooo, Mummy! I've changed my mind.'

If she ever tells me she wants to go and live with her father, I suspect the same approach from me will elicit the same rapid u-turn.