How much access to DC does your Ex have?

[JemimaPuddlefuck]

I am in the process of setting down how much access my ex should have with our DD. I am thinking either a Saturday or Sunday 10:30am - 4:30pm. I don't in principle have anything against overnight stays, but he does not live somewhere that is appropriate for her to stay the night.

Is this reasonable (I know without a doubt that my ex will not find this reasonable, he will want to come everyday!).

I suppose I would like to know what the norm is (if there is one) and also what I have suggested above is reasonable.

It's not called access any more, it's called contact. And wouldn't it be more appropriate for the two of you to negotiate rather than you 'setting down' what is going to happen? That doesn't sound like much contact when you consider that the norm is often alternate weekends plus a few hours midweek. How old is your DC?

My ex has them every Sunday from when he gets here (meant to he 10am) until he drops them home around 7pm.
Every other Sat they sleep at his, he picks them up at his convenience on a Sat, was 12 this week, and drops them home as per usual on Sunday.
I have told him he can have them more,ie one weekday eve buy he doesn't seem bothered.

Tbh, what your proposing doesn't sound like much. How old is dd? In what way is his place not appropriate for overnights?

DS is 2.5 and XP has him 2 nights a week (weds 6pm-thurs 8am and Fri 6pm-Sat 5pm).

I wasn't keen on the overnight stays at first but he is DS's dad and it's important that he retains a good loving relationship with him no matter what an arse I think he is

Seems like a very small amount - but I'm assuming DD is very young? Basically there is no 'norm'; although people do spout the EOW + midweek, it depends on age of child, distance, involvement prior to separation, and all sorts of practical issues.

Cafcass do say 'little and often' for very small babies; a week is a massive amount of time when they are tiny.

I wouldn't want to have my ex in my house every day but really you have to start with the best outcome for the child (and accept that you may have a different idea of what that is than your ex does) and mediate agreement from there.

My son is with me 40% of the time. 6 nights per fortnight, half of all holidays and various sundry days.

Would echo what others say - your DD is his DD too and as such you should approach contact as something to discuss and not dictate. You are equals here.

Contact is for childrens' benefits and not parents. So in effect you are `setting down how much your DD should have her father' rather than the other way round.

Speak to him. Organise mediation if it's difficult. Avoid court like the plague.

My ex would be having our son every Sunday from 12, til 5.30.

If he wasn't such a douche and didn't bother.

Split 50/50.
He has as much right to his daughter as i do!
Hes a good Dad tho so it totally works for us both!

XP doesn't see DS any more but when he did (he was aged between 1 and 2) he saw him on Saturday and Sunday afternoons from 12-5.

He asked to have him overnight but I wanted DS to build up a familiarity with XP's house first and XP to have him regularly (he used to cancel at the last minute) but he didn't like this and instead of stepping up contact to work up to overnights he stepped it down until he didn't see him at all.

Oh well, his loss.

Agree with lostdad.

You dont somehow automatically have more rights over your DD then her dad does. You are equals and should discuss it together.

Why do you think you should have (far far more) time with your DD then he does, just because you and he have decided to split??? She is not something that you "own" and can apportion time to others in the way you describe...

6 hours a week?

6hrs a fortnight - when he can be arsed!