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Lone parents

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Original poster

Do you ever get the impression they'd sign their rights away if they could stop paying?

57 replies

ChallengeAnt · 07/06/2013 09:55

Dd's dad is full of broken promises and talk about seeing her and then we don't hear from him for weeks. At the moment we are on a promise of a weekly phone call or text and its been three weeks. Whenever I tell him its not good enough, he switches to the "well I've not seen her in ages so I shouldn't have to pay maintenance" rant (his choice) to try change the subject and I have to remind him about CSA and contact being separate from maintenance. I honestly think if I said to him that he didn't have to pay maintenance anymore if he permanently signed his rights away he'd do it. It makes me kind of sad that its all about money to him and not about dd.

Does anyone else ever feel like this or have an ex who acts this way?

OP posts:
starbuckmum4 · 07/06/2013 10:00

No personal experience, but it's really sad isn't it! I have heard of NRP's who, once forced to pay maintenance via the CSA, suddenly develop an interest in contact in order to reduce payments - that's sad too!

If he refuses to maintain a relationship with her the very least he could do is be decent enough to ensure she is well provided for. What a lovely man eh!

Oh well, your dd has once good parent, and you seem to have tried your best for her to have a relationship with him, you can't change him after all. Just make sure he keeps paying!

lostdad · 07/06/2013 12:05

Dunno about that but I am sure my ex would happily cope without the maintenance I send if I suddenly winked out of existence. Wink

ThingummyBob · 07/06/2013 12:15

My exP ranted at me the other day that he "does the majority of the driving" to facilitate time with his dc after I refused to drive across town in rush hour with no notice as he wasn't seeing his mates was free that evening.

When I pointed out that I did all the schoolruns/appointments/buying of clothes/driving to clubs/paying for childcare when work dictates etc and also the majority of cooking and day to day care along with some of the driving to his; he whined that he gives me a fortune for this Hmm

Yes buddy, that £30 a week makes a real dent in the cost of raising our shared dc you knobber

Original poster
ChallengeAnt · 07/06/2013 12:50

Dunno what that says about you then lostdad Hmm

Yeah that is sad too Starbuck. A bit "well if I'm paying, I miiiight as well" rather than really wanting to have contact :(

Ugh he sounds annoying Bob. I get complaints about "you don't know how hard it is for me right now" and sob stories about his life everytime he does randomly get in touch. I think its all "me, me, me" with some of them.

OP posts:
lostdad · 07/06/2013 13:30

ChallegeAnt - `Dunno what that says about you then lostdad'

I do. It means I had a kid with the wrong person and she thinks the same thing! Grin

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 07/06/2013 13:31

My bio dad handed his rights over and allowed my dad to adopt me so he didn't have to pay CSA. He basically sold me.

Original poster
ChallengeAnt · 07/06/2013 13:38

Oh dear lostdad Grin are you one of the ones who bothers with dc? Sorry for lumping you in with my ex if so. Shouldn't make assumptions Blush

SP that's so sad :( I think my ex is of the same cloth. He'd think of the £1800 a year he could spend on himself instead and sign. I don't know how they can care so little.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChallengeAnt · 07/06/2013 13:39

Oh sorry my maths is bad today! £1500?

OP posts:
SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 07/06/2013 13:41

Doesnt fuss me as I have nothing to do with him. What is funny is paying CSA wouldn't have affected him. He is wealthy. Paying CSA would have been loose change to him.

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 07/06/2013 13:42

The dad who adopted me as just gone to live in Ireland after my mum went to CSA. So hes avoiding having to pay now

kittycat68 · 07/06/2013 13:53

too many dads would sign thier kids away if it meant that they got out of CSA. I find it trully amazing how many parents ( men and women) only want contact after csa has become involved. Also how paying £5 per week for csa means they are finacailly supporting thier children!!

Original poster
ChallengeAnt · 07/06/2013 13:59

What a pair of douches SP! Angry

Its ridiculous isn't it kitty! The ex mentioned briefly a few months back he's thinking about going to university. I wonder if that has anything to do with not having to pay maintenance for three years Hmm

OP posts:
betterthanever · 07/06/2013 17:44

star my ex is one of those, when the CSA served a liability order on him he served court papers on me.
My DS was 7 at the time now 8, we are still going though court he has yet to meet DS. He also went onto benefits a few years ago so he doesn't pay anyway and gets legal aid. I work, I pay my taxes to help those who need it, I look after my DS, I have to pay my own legal fees - obviously more to my concerns about exp but it's just morally wrong but there isn't a law yet against being a selfish t*at.
lostdad it does work both ways you are right, for a parent to `pay you off' in effect is wrong too.

lostdad · 09/06/2013 12:55

ChallengeAnt - `are you one of the ones who bothers with dc'

Something like that. Another reason why ex hates me I guess. I always got the feeling that me demanding my son see me gives her even more cause to hate me because in her world I should have disappeared up my own backside. Grin

kittycat68 · 09/06/2013 18:52

yes as you say lostdad you demanded!! you clearly have many issues. you need to get past trying to controll your ex and getting even with her and move on, focus on your son rather than your anger for her leaving you. you are not going to do you son any favours with all this hate against his mother.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 09/06/2013 20:19

Yes, after having a nosy at his past posts, I'd have to agree. Another one of those where I'd love to hear the other side of the story!

AnitaBlake · 09/06/2013 22:38

Lol, in my DHs case it does look very much like he only got involved once the CSA got involved, but he needed the DNA test before he dared take get to court for contact. :(

He always wanted to pay, but she wouldn't give any reassurance DSD was his.

Two sides to every story though :(

kittycat68 · 12/06/2013 15:15

Its toooooo easy for them to use the mother as an excuse. She wouldnt let me have contact!!! she said child wasnt mine!!!
Shes just after the money!!! i have heard them all. Same old thing over and over yet no one makes them accountable, if they are paying they are intilled to a share of ownership it seems!!Angry no wonder theres so many screwed up kids around, its not becasue of single mothers is because of so many shit fathers.

lostdad · 12/06/2013 18:21

I've met good mums and good dads. I've met bad dads and bad mums.

Do you discriminate against people on their basis of race, religion and age - or is it just gender?

Raaraathenoisybaby · 12/06/2013 20:08

I knew lostdad would be on this thread. We arnt allowed to talk about stuff like this with out him moderating. And god forbid any of us suggest stopping contact......

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 12/06/2013 20:21

Raaraa Grin

kittycat68 · 13/06/2013 11:14

lost dad on patrol again!! God forbid us women have an opinion!!!!

ThingummyBob · 13/06/2013 11:16

I just don't getlostdad Grin

ThingummyBob · 13/06/2013 11:16

oops, missed a space out there Wink

kittycat68 · 13/06/2013 11:20
Grin