would you make ex take just one of the kids if you felt it would help?

[mistressmiggins]

DS (4) seems OK with situation - I can explain that daddy is coming this weekend & taking him to grandmas
DD(nrly 2) seems v clingy when comes back from time with ex...she is poorly at the moment and I just wonder whether one weekend off (this weekend) would help her

DS would get weekend alone with daddy & grandparents which might be nice, and DD who seems under the weather would be qwith me

would this confuse the children?
should I just let them both go and accept the usual fall-out....everytime they spend the weekend with daddy, they are clingy

do they stay with him all weekend?

If ds enjoys going then I would let him go on his own. I understand your ex wants to see his dd too but I think under 2 (as well as being poorly) is a little young to be away from you all weekend.

How are you doing btw MrsM?
Long time since we had an update.

they only see ex once a fortnight - day only once and then following fortnight they travel up to Inlaws

I have always sent both together so they dont feel punished by staying or going BUT DD was clingy after last day visit and is poorly at the mo

I also wonder whether DS might enjoy having daddy all to himself

soooo difficult

why don't you tell ex she is poorly and you are not too keen? see what he says.

Personally, I wouldn't send her if I didn't think she was up to it. I'm sure your ds will be fine going on his own!

am doing crap thanks Moondog

am v v good at public persona
I am cheery and joking all day and with the kids which seems to be working cos kids are fine, but after they are in vbed I just feel awful

ex went away exotic holiday for 2 weeks and I found it both relaxing (cos not in country) but traumatic cos another kick in the teeth

"how many times does he have to kick you b4 you start to realise its over?" I was asked recently....a lot more obviously.....I even txt him last week on his birthday saying I missed him

havent seen or spoken to him since Feb 24th but we have mediation on Friday and am dreading it

have put on weight instead of usual losing cos i binge eat in evenings

AND worse thing is was looking through photos with kids and found a work one with a really pretty woman - am now convinced this is HER

BUT am hoping that once Friday is over I can try to give myself a good kick up the backside

I am sorry MM.I wish I could say something to make you feel better.
Look after yourself (easy to say I know)If you feel bad about yourself physically it will make things work.
How about taking up an aggressive sport (kick boxing??) and letting rip with all that pent up anger??)

Just remember,he is the onew who has betrayed his family,not you and that he has to live with that forever.

'make things worse' I mean...

I know MD and to be honest, I have plenty of people (friends and collegues) who constantly try to boost my ego and make me realise that I am doing all for my children - I guess at the end of the day its hard not to take this personally

why would someone leave the children & family home if it wasnt cos I was soooo awful to live with

doesnt matter how many times everyone else tells you its not your fault, my ex left and thats all I seem to believe

smack kick

will ask DS tomorrow how he would feel if he went by himself and if he seems OK, will just ask ex if DD can stay with me for once....cant see he'll object as shes harder to look after

HI MM-- sounds fair enough if she is ill.

sorry to hear you are not feeling to good, you know that i know how you feel from our other threads, all i can say is it WILL get better, i can honestly say it has taken my this long to feel it, (it will be a year in june) i kept thinking i was ok but then get various kicks in teeth, him going on nice holidays, reducing girls maintence so they could buy a house etc, but after each knock back i can honestly say i bounced back a tiny bit stronger! and i really hope you do to,
I never thought i would get to this stage but i have, of course i still wish i could have changed what happened to my precious family, but i have accepted i cant and i have to live for my future with my 2 gorgeous girls, and that future doesnt involve him,
I have started doing things in the house and that has made me feel better although i keep finding things related to him and our time together, but i looked at the photos yesterday from when dd2 was born and i felt nothing for him,

you will get through this but i think its important to go with your feelings, you have to swim through the murky water to get to the clear stream , and you will get there, it just takes time, xx

Fwiw, I wouldn't send the kids if they didn't want to go. When they have been ill, and they've wanted to stay at home, I've let them. Exp never really put up a fight, sick kids require a bit more effort.

You'll find as they get older that they start deciding for themselves what they want to do. For example, dd1 asked exp to bring her home early a couple of weeks ago because she wanted to go to a bbq at my brother's. I know your's are younger but things will change. When your ds starts school you may find he wants to attend parties at the weekends and unless he misses all of them, your ex will have to be flexible.

If you are worried about your dd, then I wouldn't send it. I really don't think your ex will put up a huge argument.

If she isn't well enough to travel then no, she shouldn't go. But your dh does have to learn to take the rough with the smooth and he should be prepared to have them ill or not.

If she's clingy when she comes back, would it be worse next time if she misses a visit and does she just need to get used to going? I'm not sure. She is still very little so maybe not. Dsd's mum used to say that dsd was clingy when she got back from weekends. She had a lovely time with us and I think it was just a normal reaction to being away from her mum for a bit, or maybe as her daddy left suddenly (asked to leave because of new bloke - not a deserter!) and she was worried that the same might happen with mummy. I'm guessing, I'm no psychologist!!

Just be careful that your dh doesn't see it as you trying to stop him seeing his little girl. I know you're not, but that might be the way he perceives it.

Take care xx.