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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

forever alone?

38 replies

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 23/04/2013 20:13

ExH and I have been separated a couple of months now I think, he's dating already and off meeting up with a woman he cheated on me with. He's quite clearly a worm, I know that.

But I feel like nobody is ever going to love me. He never did, not really and now I have a two year old and a load of stretchmarks in tow. I am finding it hard not to feel bitter, I have given up the best years of my life for him, moved to an area where I knew no one and now have about three friends who I hardly see anyway.

DD is with ExH tonight and I feel so lonely. I'm fighting the urge to go to the shop and buy a bottle of vino and some fags (haven't smoked in years). I just feel so shit and I don't have anyone to come round and talk to me.

Anyone want to join my pity party?

OP posts:
tiredlateandup · 23/04/2013 20:27

Yes me! Similar situation, except that I have 3 young dcs and even more stretch marks.

Original poster
HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 23/04/2013 20:32

how long have you been ALONE?

OP posts:
TheOrchardKeeper · 23/04/2013 20:35

I was alone from the moment I found out I was pregnant to him turning 2 & had made peace with it...just as my now DP arrived on the scene.

Always the way! I guess just try not to focus on it to much and make sure you feel like you love yourself iyswim. It can & will happen Smile

TheOrchardKeeper · 23/04/2013 20:36

(p.s I did drink more & smoke more which helped..plus MN)

Grin
Original poster
HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 23/04/2013 20:37

I found out when I was pregnant that he'd already been cheating, i should have been alone from then. I wish I'd been strong enough.

I'm trying to focus on my degree atm, it just pisses me off that I'm the one who is alone when he was the one who cheated, lied and manipulated. It's just not fair!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 23/04/2013 20:38

Haha, I think I am going to go get wine and fags. I wouldn't smoke if DD was here, but when she's here I don't feel like this.

OP posts:
Meglet · 23/04/2013 20:40

If your XP has your DD overnight then you have a chance to get out and meet someone else in time. I don't blame you for being mightily pissed off though.

2 months isn't very long really. Give yourself a bit of time to adjust before dating again.

ChasingStaplers · 23/04/2013 20:46

Tiredlateandup are you me?! Grin

I am in a similar situation but with 3 DC (all under 5) and 3 x the stretch marks
Worse still, my youngest DC is only 3 months old and I'm breastfeeding.

My ex didn't cheat on me but he was a total wanker and left me feeling rock bottom about myself and things have been really tough. I moved here for him, have no family nearby, hardly know anyone and have no chance of moving because I'm tied to my job (even though I'm on maternity leave)
Just the one glass of Wine for me

faye0310 · 23/04/2013 20:57

Hi, I'm in exactly the same situation. Cheating exp me left with 2 and half year old and German shepherd and he is out with friends and meeting up with her already after only 4 months apart!! I hope they are very f**king happy together!!!
Hope u get through this. Stay strong x

Original poster
HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 23/04/2013 20:57

wine, check. fags, check. chocolate, check. Who needs a man lol

OP posts:
MissPricklePants · 23/04/2013 21:03

I have been single nearly 4 years, dd is nearly 4 and unless she is at nursery she is with me. Can't see me meeting anyone for a long while.

Original poster
HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 23/04/2013 21:07

Me neither. I have 2 nights a week where DD is at her dad's but I use them for MNing to do my uni work.

OP posts:
ChasingStaplers · 23/04/2013 21:13

Another one with no chance of meeting anyone! ExP visits children here as he can't be trusted to look after them properly I'm still feeding DS2 and since he arrived the other two have wanted me more and come into my bed at night for security.
Although I love being snuggly with my babies I would love to meet someone to share stuff with in the evening. Talk, laugh, all that normal stuff. But I'm so busy and knackered by the end of the day that I can't really be arsed either! (Plus, my conversation is probably a bit rusty and boring now!)

Original poster
HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 23/04/2013 21:15

I got a bit upset today, i got off the bus in town after uni and was heading to do some food shopping, and I thought how lovely and warm it was and how it would be nice to sit in a pub beer garden with someone. But I didn't have anyone to call and ask if they wanted to come to the pub. Sad

OP posts:
PurpleThing · 23/04/2013 22:10

Me too. Two year old and ex moved on at light speed.

I think you have to work at making friends and being happy in yourself, doing what you want when you get the chance. Who knows it might happen and at least if not, you'll enjoy yourself in the meantime.

Original poster
HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 23/04/2013 22:14

How do people even manage to meet other people when they are fat single mothers?

OP posts:
Switchedtoeatingbutter · 24/04/2013 00:07

I have 4 quite young dc's so pretty sure ill be alone for the next 15 years anyway. It does make me sad, but better than sticking about with an ass that doesn't love or respect me.

Original poster
HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 24/04/2013 00:17

Yes, you're right switched this is better, I'm cripplingly lonely but it's still better than being constantly lied to, manipulated and betrayed.

OP posts:
ScumbagCollegeDropout · 24/04/2013 07:04

Hi OP.

I felt the same as you for the first few months. Who would want to date a single mum to 2 dcs?

And yes the Ex moved on vair quickly. They generally have the time to. He is currently in his 2nd relationship post separation (just over a year ago).

I on the otherhand took a bit longer. I went out and had fun with my friends. A couple of ONS and drunken snogs later I am in a proper relationship with a lovely bloke Smile

It took 10 months to be at this stage, ready to be in a relationship that is.

So no giving up. There will come a time where the opportunity presents itself. Possibly not right away as I know all too well how hard those first 4-6 months are. But it will get better Smile

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 24/04/2013 07:16

Don't give up OP.
My exp threw me out upon finding out I was 23 weeks pg, I am back with mum and dad with my DD and my dog. The twunt made my life hell, told me just after delivery he had cheated and was now with OW Blush
It's taken me a long time to get over but DD is 7 months now, he has no input. My mum and dad babysat for a Internet date about a month ago, it's going really really well, he's taking me away fri Grin
It's taken a long time to get to this stage, I'd just got comfortable with focusing on the future, DD and going to uni.
It's very hard starting a new relationship after my ex was a true narc. I can see now even though I felt alone a lot longer than I was its only now almost a year on that I was even ready to date.
Mumsnet, and wine got me through. It does get very lonely I know, I have taken up knitting.
I also know its even harder when your sat at home knowing they have moved on, it won't always be like this, I promise.
I can assure you all our exp and ow deserve each other: but when it hurts just think to yourself-

What goes around comes around.Smile

Original poster
HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 24/04/2013 09:19

Bloody hell make what an utter twunt.

Thanks everyone, I don't even want a relationship atm, I haven't got the time or the energy for one, but it would be nice to have some friends at least. I think that's what pisses me off the most, I came here for him and now I'm alone with only a few friends who I hardly see anyway, whilst the minute we break up all these women suddenly start coming out of the woodwork. Plus he's been on loads of nights out and just trips to the pub with friends and is planning festivals and gigs this summer while the highlight of my summer break is set to be a visit to my mother. Hmm

I'd love to have someone I could call up and meet for a drink or they could come over for a chat when I'm on my own without having to plan it yonks in advance.

OP posts:
Piemother · 24/04/2013 09:46

I so relate to the sunny pub garden thoughts I have had them Hmm

Unfortunately the feeling of saddles post relationship breakdown get all tied up with feeling lonely and pretend to be the same thing. They are not.
Also post break up feels a bit competitive to prove that you are fine and have moved on etc.

Sounds like you need to take control of everything so you don't feel like a victim. Good luck

Piemother · 24/04/2013 09:47

Sadness not saddles!

Emily28 · 24/04/2013 10:08

I think it's really brave of you all.
My ex also left me as soon as I told him I might've been pregnant.
I was miserable but then discovered I wasn't pregnant after all.
Now I have 2 beautiful babies with the right guy.
I know what it means to feel lonely though and feeling stuck in a place.
I think the best thing that helped me out in that period was really my boredom. Got so bored at one point that I HAD to make friends so I went out and joined clubs, salsa classes and community-led activities. You'd be surprised but when you open up people are kind and do the same! :)

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 24/04/2013 11:26

You will get there, honestly Grin
I know how hard it is, I have had to move home and it seems all my friends have gone!
I just meander around alone Grin, I'm quite used to it now.
I've a wonderful friend from on here both single mums but we are two hours away.
You should have a look on mums net local Smile