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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

"You're a single mum?!!"...... what did you expect, Vicky Pollard? <<rolls eyes>>

47 replies

Meglet · 18/04/2013 20:25

Does anyone else get this? Not a rant, just something that amuses me every so often.

People seem amazed when they find out I'm a single parent. Other parents + collegues often comment on it when I mention it. Do they think I'm hiding a husband on my FB profile Hmm.

Yes Society, single mums hold down respectable office jobs, turn up on time, go to the gym, take our kids to the library and they do well at school.

Despite what some areas of the Media would like everyone to believe the last time I looked all the single parents I know weren't rolling around in the gutter, drinking vodka and neglecting their children.

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TheOriginalNutcracker · 18/04/2013 20:42

Yes, I have had this too. Used to find it a bit irritating, but now it amuses me lol.

IndiansInTheLobby · 18/04/2013 20:46

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BlackeyedSusan · 18/04/2013 21:26

apparently, I am doing well getting my children to school on time. Hmm is that not what you are supposed to do?

Fleecyslippers · 18/04/2013 21:33

All of that AND then they wrap arms protectively around their hubby just in case I steal him away Grin

elastamum · 18/04/2013 21:41

I used to get a lot of raised eyebrows from the other school mums. Two DC in private school, full time job and no husband. Lives on her own out in the sticks in a huge old house with just the DC and a few large dogs!

I think they have just got used to me now Grin

lostdad · 18/04/2013 22:26

Works for dads like me too - my ex abducted my son from the family home while I was at work.

It was assumed by a lot of people a) I beat her b) I abused my son c) I was screwing around d) I was a deadbeat dad e) `There's no smoke without fire is there?' f) I'd go to court and it'd be over in a couple of months g) I had as much a say in my son's life as his mother did.

When someone used to describe me as the `visiting father' I used to ask how I was visiting considering I hadn't moved anywhere and was still in the family home! Grin

lostdad · 18/04/2013 22:27

elastamum - I get that too. I tend to describe them as `the coven'....Wink

Wolfiefan · 18/04/2013 22:36

I am sorry but any parent could end up being a lone parent. Why waste time judging?
To be completely honest tonight I came on here intending to start a thread declaring all single parents as HEROES! DH buggered off all week for work. Juggling my work and two kids (one of whom picked up a bug and spent the whole of one night vomiting!). Seriously how the bloody hell does anyone manage?

Original poster
Meglet · 18/04/2013 22:36

I've never felt anyone look down on me for it mind you.

They're usually baffled at how I cope juggling the kids and work though. I tell them I shout all the time and do very little housework Grin.

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 18/04/2013 22:51

Oh yes.

I'm also a young mum and disabled, so get much judging.

DaydreamDolly · 18/04/2013 22:53

Yes. Some women look at me accusingly almost as if they were thinking 'wow, what did you do to make him leave you?!' Angry

Original poster
Meglet · 18/04/2013 23:22

daydream Sad . They just sound insecure.

What I do find reasurring is knowing that 2 parent families struggle if they are both working. Makes me feel less hard on myself when I feel like I'm going under with stress which is most days.

OP posts:
VelvetSpoon · 18/04/2013 23:29

At work, people assume all the time I am married, apparently because if you're in a professional job, and you have children, you can't possibly be a LP Hmm

People also never 'get' why I left my Ex. Possibly because I tend to avoid telling them all he was a physically and emotionally abusive arse, and just say he made me unhappy.

TravelinColour · 18/04/2013 23:32

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BlackeyedSusan · 18/04/2013 23:57

I don't do paid work at the moment, so obviously less than average iq.

equinox · 19/04/2013 08:33

I have been married 3 times prior to the 4th man who is the father of our 8 year old son.

We split up when he was only 5 months which was my decision due to his controlling violent behaviour.

These days for the past 8 years since being a single parent I have realised how needy and dependent I was in previous relationships and sadly how dependent many of these women still are with their marriages and boyfriends.

A happy relationship must be interdependent not codependent and in many cases I have not witnessed this and I say this with some experience and without hopefully too much judgement!

Strange world huh.

JollyPurpleGiant · 19/04/2013 08:43

I admit to being baffled at how single mums manage. I have a DH and my house is still a bomb site far from tidy and I don't even work that many hours. I'm very impressed by the single mums I know. I don't think I could be as competent and together as they are.

JakeBullet · 19/04/2013 08:44

Society LOVES to stereotype. As a health visitor I used to visit a young couple (both 19) with their gorgeous DD. The Mum had lost count of the times people assumed she was a lone parent and the Dad got fed up with people assuming he was out of work (he wasn't).

acceptableinthe80s · 19/04/2013 08:56

I get the bafflement too. I find it really quite patronising, though not enough to bother me. When some of the mums at ds's nursery found out i was a single parent and ran my own business/house/life they couldn't hide their amazement Hmm. Wait till i tell them i'm about to start a degree Grin. Probably best not tell them i'm a dab hand with flatpacks/diy, they might just faint.

kittycat68 · 19/04/2013 10:16

i think society is at fault and has not moved on in beliving that women should be attached to the kitchen sink. I think it will take years before people realise that women are just as good at men and sometimes better. My children call me "superwomen" :)

lostdad · 19/04/2013 12:41

kittycat68 - `i think society is at fault and has not moved on in beliving that women should be attached to the kitchen sink'

I agree...it's amazing the number of people who think that when a couple separate that children of separated parents should `live with mum, visit dad' - that includes both men and women, judges, solicitors and barristers.

One of the things FNF seeks is default shared parenting - but there is a hell of a lot opposition from various people and organisations - including ones with feminist ideologies. Which confuses me because to my mind it is unfair that men are free to pursue a career while women are left caring for the kids!

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 19/04/2013 12:47

If I had a pound for every time some idiot well meaning busybody has said "Oh but they're lovely kids considering" or words to that effect I'd be able to pay a full time actor to accompany me out in public so they could all feel comfortable I'm "normal".

Sometimes I think it's a misjudged compliment but the sentimant is the same - it's amazing that the kids of a single parent are mostly polite and well behaved.

CookieDoughKid · 19/04/2013 12:51

I actively try not to disclose to anyone at work I'm a single parent. I don't want them to have any preconceived ideas or any point of blame. So far, they all think I am still with my partner (we've split up for a year now). I'm doing OK. I have a live-in Nanny, have 2 under 5, work full and just trying to enjoy (somewhat stressful) life I lead.

I suppose work does not need to know about me being a single parent. It's just that I don't know ANY single parents at my work please. At work, we talk alot and thinking of positive ways to support working parents. I just wonder if they ARE single parents working in real life because I don't know any!
[Obviously there are on mumsnet Smile)

equinox · 19/04/2013 14:14

CharlieUniform what on earth did this person mean by the word 'considering' how patronising where does this joker get off I mean REALLY!!

Stunningly stupid choice of words if you ask me by them!!

Cookie well done for keeping it to yourself that's not something I could do but yes I have noticed there are a sorry lack of us around.

In my son's class for example out of 32 children there are only 3 single parents, it isn't fun feeling socially 'different'.

itwillgetbettersoon · 19/04/2013 16:55

I'm taking my kids to Italy and we are back packing for a couple of weeks. I was saying this to a couple who I did once class as friends(!). Anyway the husband said" I suppose in your circumstances that is probably the best holiday to do"!

Hello why? Very odd comment!