Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

Original poster

Bitter residency battle

18 replies

mumfor4 · 02/04/2013 13:19

I am hoping to move to a different area in the county but my ex disagrees and is asking the courts for 50/50 residency alternate weeks. I have discovered my ex has contacted the csa claiming to have the children more than he does and is claiming our child has reoccuring illnesses/infections, he says he has seen the dr about them and she confirms these illnesses. (have spoken to the Dr myself and these reoccuring illnesses are untrue) Does anyone have experience or knowledge of this. I am trying to not let it stress me out or rise to the bait.

OP posts:

ozzywiz · 02/04/2013 14:12

What is the curent contact arrangements and is this a verbal agreement or already been through court and ages of children etc.

Do you believe the move is in the best interest of the children and why ? what contact arrangements do you propose after the move.

In regards to the CSA just inform them of the current arrangement and that it is not true. dont think this is somthing the courts would deal with as is independant.

Who has he said he has spoke to the doctor too, again if it is just lies then ignore them but if it goes to court put in your statment that it is not true and you are willing to dosclose medical records to prove.

your right to not let it stress you out :)

Original poster

mumfor4 · 02/04/2013 14:50

Hi, I'm not expecting the courts to deal with the CSA- just an explaination of what he's doing so far. we are now at near the end of the court process, statements have been done some time ago-my ex performed a character assasination on me going back over 20 years of my history (all of it untrue, and there would be no way of him even knowing all of my past) I am happy to say I kept my statement factual. the illnesses claim has cropped up over the last week- he claimed the illnesses have been going on 7 months... I am due to see a cafcass officer soon but I don't know how to bring this up without it being tit for tat. I am actually worried a bit by someone who is capable of inventing illnesses to try and prove neglect or prevent the move. the motive is unclear to me.

The move will be better as I will have a chance of better job opportunities and better housing not to mention a better support network.

my ex said the Dr has confirmed this re-occuring illness, I have spoken to her and she has confirmed to me its not true.

OP posts:

MsColour · 02/04/2013 22:38

This is sounding very familiar! My ex took me to court to try and get 50:50 residence alternate weeks. His statement was also a complete character assassination but actually gave no reasons why the children would be better off in a 50:50 arrangement. He also tried to claim that the children were always getting tummy bugs cos I don't wash their hands properly. He kept taking my son to the doctor over his cough and even took him for blood test. He lost in court as he didn't have a case.

I wouldn't worry about what he has said in his statement. The court will only be interested in the needs of the children and they are most likely to keep things as they are and he is obviously clutching at straws with recurring illness. I don't know where you stand on moving though.

Good luck x

NicknameTaken · 03/04/2013 15:38

Will your GP put in writing that there is no ongoing illness? It's actually quite convenient when someone claims something that can so evidently be disproved - his credibility will be very low.

I've got an ex like this, who claimed amongst other things that I pushed my dd down the stairs. Courts and CAFCASS get this a lot. I know it's scary, and I know in my case I worry that mud sticks, but nobody is just going to take his word for all this.

Original poster

mumfor4 · 03/04/2013 19:46

Thank you both, its comforting to hear from others that have been on the end of it too. My GP would do that as its not the first time he's done this. I am scared of it all as I have lost faith in the courts, he never seems to be challenged. I am not biting though. I guess I'm worrying to much. What did the courts say to your ex's behaviour?

OP posts:

NicknameTaken · 03/04/2013 20:01

Yes, I have the same frustration - my ex has made false allegations to the police, the court, social workers, doctors, and nobody has as much as tut-tutted. I've tried to do the right thing and I've been truthful all along. The judge sits there and lectures us both about how we need to communicate better. There are times when I want to scream. There's an assumption that the truth must lie somewhere in between, and it's really not fair. On the other hand, so far my ex hasn't really gained anything from it.

It's still ongoing for me, so I can't really give you the benefit of hindsight and tell you it will all be fine in the end. All I can say is that you are not alone!

Original poster

mumfor4 · 03/04/2013 20:29

You are so right, its so frustrating when they do that. A lot of people don't realise how stressful it is, you have to battle through all the fantasyland stuff before dealing with the real issues. My heart goes out to you.

OP posts:

NicknameTaken · 03/04/2013 21:04

Likewise! And good luck!

bochead · 05/04/2013 16:47

You can go to the GP's and get a copy of your child's medical records from birth for a tenner. EVERY appointment, prescription and vaccination will be listed.

If he hasn't taken them then there will be NO appointment records.

This is such as easy one to show the court his true colours it's really, really amusing to me.

You don't have to say anything bar to give them an accompanying list of the dates the kids have been in his sole care. If there's no appointment and corresponding diagnosis for the dates he mentions for these constant illnesses then he's hung himself with his own rope.

Knowing this sort of tosser there will probably be a listing for a regular kiddie vaccination or something you took them for that he has no clue about. Proof that he actually has no comprehension whatsoever of his children's health needs bar the deep well of his own fantasies. If you can also show via the same request for records that it's you that regularly takes them to the dentist etc he's well and truly stuffed.

Once it's been proven in back and white he's a total BSer in one area, it'll call the rest of his claims into doubt. That's just human nature.

lucyloo78 · 08/04/2013 13:18

how is this going? have u had directional hearing? my ex going for 50:50 too. what to expect from 1st hearing? advice pls

Original poster

mumfor4 · 08/04/2013 21:23

bochead-thank you and o true, useful to know about the copy of health records.
Lucyloo, in the middle of it. first directions; cafcass spoke to us separately than gave their opinion to the judge. Judge listened to both sides then set a date for the final hearing, we've had a few delays between for silly reasons. please refer to your children as our children, don't bite if he tells lies or is rude about you and don't make derogatory comments about ex, his behaviour or lifestyle but do tell the truth. if you have not got a solicitor or representation try to speak to a recommended solicitor on a fixed rate fee about it beforehand. I find it stressful but have a good support network around me. good luck x

OP posts:

LouiseSmith · 09/04/2013 19:21

Maybe the courts could get involved, is he telling the children they have re occurring illnesses, because that could be detrimental to them mentally. Telling them they are ill, when they are not.

lucyloo78 · 11/04/2013 21:30

thanks mumfor4. got cafcass directions, got to get med, police reports etc. It is so unbelievably stressful. my ex just keeps on churning out more and more outrageous lies - it's so awful. What happened with cafcass? how far r u now? does it look like he'll get it? huge hugs, i know how hard it is.

Original poster

mumfor4 · 12/04/2013 13:54

lucyloo78, still in limboland... the wheels of justice grind slow, if it even exists. x

OP posts:

lucyloo78 · 12/04/2013 21:41

have cafcass got involved with yr case now? that's route we r going down at advice of my sol along with reports etc.

Anyone any advice / experience about cafcass procedure pls x

Original poster

mumfor4 · 13/04/2013 11:44

yes, I don't know whats going on at the moment. once they're involved you are in limbo for a while whilst they make their reports. I'm not sure how far they go but I think it depends on safeguarding and welfare issues. I've stopped reading up about cafcass on the internet as there are so many bad stories (from mums and dads). there are threads on mumsnet talk about cafcass. x

OP posts:

lucyloo78 · 17/04/2013 14:59

mumfor4 - did u have many visits from cafcass? Did they give an indication as to how yr case would pan out? I feel that my sol wanting to go this route is all v well but it's just more long drawn out not knowing, limbo etc. r u wanting contact to remain the same? did yr judge order mediation too? soz 4 bombardment of qua - just don't kno any answers / no one i ono has exp of this. thanks x

lucyloo78 · 17/04/2013 15:04

ps - cafcass not even at court. my sol just decided to go down their route! seems bit odd...as usually they speak to u b4. judge wanted it all dealt with there and then but my sol pushed 4 cafcass involvement. so she must think it'll be in my best interests to have them on board - do u think? v confused :-/

Flip